Just heard my neighbours insult my toddler through the wall.....

[Twdfn123]

Hi guys,

Sorry if this seems like a long one but I'm so angry and I just need second opinions as to whether I'm being unreasonable or not.

My neighbours seemed OK when we moved in 5 years ago, but when we did we had other people on the Street saying to be careful as they were bit odd. All was fine until we had our baby boy, now 2.5 years old.

They submitted a noise complaint against us for banging and toilet flushing. We can't do anything about the toilet flushing for a start it's not like we're on it constantly and it's a quiet flush one anyway. The banging from the toddler we can understand, so we've tried our best to limit this as much as we can. Carpeted lounge, no loud toys in the kitchen and no slamming doors. The house complaint was put down to normal household noise and we carried on trying to be careful. I will say my son is at nursery 3 days a week 8-5pm and sleeps solidly from 630 to 630 every night. We try to go out as much as possible as we feel uncomfortable being in the house in case we make too much noise.

Another neighbour has also reported them for aggressive behaviour and threatening to kill her dog. Tonight we've heard them complaining about us through the wall and they've just called our 2.5 hear old little boy an autistic C*NT. We hear them scream at each other every night and use foul language but now its been directed at our boy.

I've just submitted a formal complaint to the lettings agent via email as I can't have that being said about my child. The language we hear on a daily basis is foul and I just don't know what to do anymore. I dont like confontation and I'm scared in my belly but aibu to have put this complaint forward?

I'm 8 months pregnant and I'm so stressed, I just don't know if I've done the right thing. I had to stop my husband going round as he was absolutely fuming.

😭

People are obviously entitled to their own opinions I get that. I understand they can say what they want to in their home but calling child an autistic c*nt has gone alongside a noise complaint for constant arguing, shouting and banging. Perhaps I didn't make this clear on my original post. I concentrated more on the insult as I was so shocked.

I realise it may not do anything but at least we have said our piece should anything else happen with us or other neighbours on the street.

@cerisepanther73 not sure why you tagged me?

This was on the TV a few days ago. Apparently its a dispute if its directly between you and the neighbour. If you go to the council with a nuisance complaint (and neither of you need to be council tenants) then it doesn't count as a declarable incident....but do check.

I’m reading through the comments and you’re absolutely right, those posters seem strangely drawn to the thread. The kind who see nothing wrong with calling toddlers an autistic c*nt loud enough to be heard through a wall.

Sorry OP we lived next to a neighbour who liked to write us notes about our baby's very normal, low level noise. It made the atmosphere so unpleasant I began to hate going into our garden in case I saw her, hated coming and going from the house incase I bumped into her. We moved when my children were 3 & 1 to a house with completely normal neighbours and the relief was amazing. I hope thats a possibility for you too.

You need to be clear about what you are complaining about. Yes you say you are nervous and upset set they called your child a horrible name but what is it you wamt from the complaint email?

be specific- hate speech, lshouting at C o’clock, disturbing your peaceful enjoyment of the garden, intimidating behaviour - with examples

start keeping a diary of the issues now and their complaints to you. Be prepared before you need the info otherwise you’ll already be upset and dragging it out. Keep good notes - example: 02;30 shouting between man and woman for 35 miniutes . Called (my child name) a .

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I've not read the thread fully but your only real hope is to look into sound insulation.

As some other PP have said, your neighbours can say what they like in their own home. (Still makes them very unpleasant!)

You have bought a home with no sound insulation. It shouldn't be too expensive to board the walls out,

I’m so sorry you have nightmare neighbours, OP. I would do what’s possible to insulate the walls on that side, to hear less of them (you’re not causing the problems). Other than that, I’ve found a site called problemneighbours.co.uk — I hope that may have some advice.

It doesn’t sound like normal conversation. It sounds like deliberate shouting in order to rile OP. There are definitely laws against that. I’m sure even these awful neighbours do have some everyday conversations that OP doesn’t hear. The poster accusing OP of eavesdropping is being ridiculous.

OP if it’s any reassurance, at one stage, I used to hear my previous neighbours shouting at each other a lot. There were also 3 babies born in that house and I’ve never heard any of them crying.

You can get a load of cheap bookshelves, or make up some shelves, fix them to the wall, get a load of cheap books from the charity and fill it up with books, not onlylooks nice, doesnt take up too much room if you do them only to the depth of the average paperback and will give some sound insulation

In respect of their general noise, you can make a report to their LL (thank god its rented) and over time hopefully the the LL will get so fed up of problems they might end the tenancy

However someone has done nothing wrong in respect of law or tenancy to be rude about you/hyour child while talking in their own house.

Sorry just trying to tag someone else @Lillypad11 latest post on here,

Thank you all, there are some really helpful tips and insights on here. I've never had neighbours like this before so I'm unsure what the best course of action is etc.... I think we are going to begin documenting everything should the need arise where we have to use it. I know deep down this complaint won't go anywhere as we don't have the proof etc and I accept that, but moving forward we will try to do more documenting.

My husband has just taken our toddler on a long walk to splash in the puddles so when they get back at 9ish at least it will be a reasonable time . 🥲

Who said I was talking about you?

They sound really unpleasant.

I would start keeping a diary of the noise and what is being said.

You have bought a home with no sound insulation. It shouldn't be too expensive to board the walls out,

I agree that OP could improve the sound insulation but it’s not necessarily true that their house had none. I heard my previous neighbours shouting till their daughters left home and then all was quiet!

You need to carry on as normal, don’t give them a second thought and make as much noise as you want. BUT complain each and every time they make a noise. Record them, ignore them and become a pest to the letting agents.
I would play them at their own game (but more intently) hopefully you will force them out.

That was an absolutely disgusting thing to say but I doubt you can do anything about it seeing as it was said in their own home & not said to anyone else.

What's the loud banging you say they have complained about? Our ndn's DD who he has stay 50/50 has the loudest screechiest voice ever, constantly high pitched squealing, l suspect constantly playing video games of some sort. We have to turn our tv up, (or turn it or the radio on if not watching it) as we can hear her over the tv at normal volume.This has been going on since she was little and she's now 11 . We just shrugged it off when little as an excitable shouty toddler but presumed /hoped she would calm down as she got older. Not taking sides with your ndn but you do become very sensitized to it and we both dread 'the screechy one' arriving.

I agree with this. You cannot censor someone’s speech in their own home and they are free to say whatever they like about your child inside their home, even if it is incredibly hurtful to hear.

It sounds like things are really hard and I truly hope it doesn’t escalate further when the new baby arrives.

I’m sorry they said that about your son, it must have been very upsetting and I hope you are free of them one soon 💐

Our toddler when he was about 22 months used to slam our lounge door against the stair gate. He doesn't do it anymore and we stopped it as much as we possibly could at the the time but obviously didn't get there quick enough every time.

I think now it must be his noisier toys. He loves cars so they go across the living room and sometimes bang into the Skirting board. We put cushions down to try and absorb the noise but we can't eliminate it completely. I'm just very hyper aware and uncomfortable making any type of sound. Toddler toys are not the quietest in general.

I admit that we must make noise as we can't not being a son to be family of four but we are trying our hardest. The lady never leaves the house so we never get any respite of having to think about this constantly. But i guess it is what it is, we could only afford a semi detached and now we have to cope with it...

What on earth is the point of that if you don't want them to do anything that might upset him while he lives there?

Those posters are indeed out in force - the ones who re write comments, pretend people have said something they didn't and project their own inability to simply state what they mean onto other people.

So, once again, you have absolutely no recourse at all - none - if your neighbours are calling your son names in their own home. That's just reality. Reality doesn't care how anyone feels.

I guess the answer is you are being extremely unreasonable to think you can prevent people speaking any way they want in their own home, however unpleasant it is.

But you are not being unreasonable to be upset about it.

I'd personally be totally raging if I heard this, but I'd realise that there was nothing at all I could do, legally, to stop people saying whatever they want in their own home and I'd just get on with my life.

It does sound a bit of a shit place to live, generally.

For some reason I think OP is minimising or stretching the truth with noise. Noise carries though especially at night and 6.30am when a lot of people are asleep this would be intolerable if this happens on a regular basis.

So yes, either you move or get soundproofing installed.

I feel for both parties involved not just the one.

Yes, there comments were awful, but honestly, they are allowed to say what they want in the privacy of their own home.

And if you're hearing a conversation that clearly through a wall, then likely the noise from your toddler is also coming across quite loud.

I'm sorry they're such knobs though.

I don't think you'll get far with the comment made - they can say what they want in their own home, as other posters have said. I would have thought long and hard before having the extra stress of bringing another baby into this situation, but apart from soundproofing your house as much as you can and stopping the little one from banging doors (which must be annoying if it's a regular occurrence) then there's not much else you can do apart from move.