Just heard my neighbours insult my toddler through the wall.....

[Twdfn123]

Hi guys,

Sorry if this seems like a long one but I'm so angry and I just need second opinions as to whether I'm being unreasonable or not.

My neighbours seemed OK when we moved in 5 years ago, but when we did we had other people on the Street saying to be careful as they were bit odd. All was fine until we had our baby boy, now 2.5 years old.

They submitted a noise complaint against us for banging and toilet flushing. We can't do anything about the toilet flushing for a start it's not like we're on it constantly and it's a quiet flush one anyway. The banging from the toddler we can understand, so we've tried our best to limit this as much as we can. Carpeted lounge, no loud toys in the kitchen and no slamming doors. The house complaint was put down to normal household noise and we carried on trying to be careful. I will say my son is at nursery 3 days a week 8-5pm and sleeps solidly from 630 to 630 every night. We try to go out as much as possible as we feel uncomfortable being in the house in case we make too much noise.

Another neighbour has also reported them for aggressive behaviour and threatening to kill her dog. Tonight we've heard them complaining about us through the wall and they've just called our 2.5 hear old little boy an autistic C*NT. We hear them scream at each other every night and use foul language but now its been directed at our boy.

I've just submitted a formal complaint to the lettings agent via email as I can't have that being said about my child. The language we hear on a daily basis is foul and I just don't know what to do anymore. I dont like confontation and I'm scared in my belly but aibu to have put this complaint forward?

I'm 8 months pregnant and I'm so stressed, I just don't know if I've done the right thing. I had to stop my husband going round as he was absolutely fuming.

😭

This is so tough, you should feel comfortable in your own home. Take care with complaints, when you sell you have to include them in your PIP. You can sound insulate the joining walls fairly cheaply yourselves, look on You Tube. Then you won't have to hear them or worry about the noise you make.

I feel so angry for you ! What horrible terrible neighbours, I really feel for you ! I’d feel the same way about complaining but sometimes you just have to ! I’m sorry your forever home , which is meant to be special and full of nice memories is being marred by these nasties . It’s nerve wracking buying new home not knowing who your neighbours are, we were so worried as we know we stick out like sore thumbs on the street .
The house joined to us is going on the market on soon who knows what our new neighbours will be like . I wish you better days and best of luck with your pregnancy. X

I’m so sorry. Nightmare neighbours wreck lives, and in many cases they enjoy it. We have an utterly vile woman next door. She’s the master of passive aggressive nastiness and does all she can to hurt and upset both us and the people on the other side. Right now she’s claiming our dogs annoy her. In reality, they hardly make any noise, and I know she does it to spoil our garden for us.

Is there a way you can insulate the walls where you can hear them? Like with rolls of insulation - something like this:

I've just re read this and it seems there's more to it than we are being told.

"All was fine until we had our baby boy, now 2.5 years old."

So they weren't swearing or cursing or noisy or bothering you before that?

The heresay comment about threatening to kill someone's dog - was that because it was a noisy dog? Obviously NOBODY is saying it is ok to threaten to kill a dog - but owners who don't care about noise from animals make people's lives an utter and total misery.

And we have no idea at all what was actually said, you weren't there for the comment either.

I wonder if one or both of them is just super sensitive to noise. That can and does definitely make people react badly and yes, curse and swear.

No point in saying they can or should control themselves, some people absolutely CANNOT control becoming aggro because of noise, look up misophonia. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9292922/#:~:text=Misophonia%20involves%20a%20decreased%20tolerance,to%20be%20able%20to%20do.

Based only on the information you have given, it sounds like their lives are being made a total misery by other people's noise levels.

Modern noise exposure is linked to poor health outcomes. https://bmcpublichealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12889-015-1671-z#:~:text=Results,associated%20to%20high%20blood%20pressure.

It's true that noisy children have always been a problem for many though - and true that often not much can be done about it.

But it sounds like your neighbours are reactive, not active in this situation.

And just because a noisy child is normal and he is doing nothing wrong doesn't make it bearable for some.

And now you want to stop them from even swearing about it in their own home - perhaps the only outlet they actually have for their misery.

Perhaps you can't help your son being noisy, it's normal enough in kids of course, but some people absolutely CANNOT help being upset by noise and it's nonsense to pretend otherwise.

Perhaps you're one of those people who finds anything except total approval and agreement bearable. But you won't get that from your neighbours, clearly.
So the solution is that you continue to ignore them and they will continue to ignore you.

Anyway, it's all guesswork. The point is that your neighbours saying words in their own home to let off steam about a situation they clearly find unbearable is NOT, in fact, your neighbours doing anything at all to you.

And yep, maybe look into that soundproofing.

OP, it’s great that you’re being considerate and that’s as much as you can do. Don’t stress yourself or your toddler out for this. In a similar situation as our neighbour complained of my three year olds morning chattiness (child sleeps 8 to 7.15) which i’ve been very stressed about, but can’t gag the child and i’m not going to ruin his happy morning connection time for the sake of others.

I haven’t read all the pp but I would suggest talking to the landlord. If he feels pissed off about having to deal with them he might very well terminate their contract. They can then move on and you can enjoy your forever home….

We lived in a similar situation
it s unlikely that they will change
so
id look at a long term plan to move
in the meantime get as much support you can and try to find ways to support yourself. For eg
my friend had similar too and she spoke to her doctor -
midwidfe? Prep a statagy for when baby here - you are entilted to enjoy your baby !
hard as it is - unless they are a threat to you - i wd try and distance myself emotionally from them as much as possible and try not to focuss on them and what they are doing but focuss on your world and your life as much as you can .
its so hard - ive been there.
when it happened to me the things ( small) that helped were distractions- also putting things in to absorb the noise, like bookshelves . Soft furnishing. I also had to use earplugs/ earmuffs so that i stayed in my own world not theirs.
if you decide on sound proofing make sure it includes the floor or other aspects as advisd by a good builder as nosie can travel along joists not just walls .

so sorry - am angty on yr behalf . Try to look after self and dont let then rob yiu of your happiness.

100% yaNbu! These people sound awful!! It sounds like they need to be living in the middle of nowhere. And what kind of comment is that!? Absolutely disgusting and really shows what type of people they are. They are unhinged! Live your life, log everything antisocial they do and compile it as a case against anything they throw at you.
And good luck with baby number 2. Remember everything seems too much at this stage of pregnancy! It'll be ok. ❤️

I would've let my husband go over like he wanted to. Calling a child a c*nt is disgusting no matter what the circumstances and it will only get worse.

They sound disgusting. Honestly, my best advice to you would be to soundproof your party wall. We did it recently and it has absolutely changed our lives.

As for the idiots who have said they can say what they like in their house

And those 'idiots' happen to be right - people can say what they like in their own house, so you've made yourself look rather silly there, haven't you (and I'd have thought that a landlord would realise the practicalities of trying to report someone for making comments now and again). Ho hum.

If you really are a landlord, then I'd love to know how you can ensure you are going to get 'normal respectable tenants' and you 'won't tolerate anyone abusing my neighbours'. So what are you going to do if they prove otherwise - send the boys round? How will you 'control' your tenants? If you're a landlord you should be aware that you can't just chuck tenants out once they're in. Good luck with that one.

Thank you to those of you who have commented on this thread. I was in an angry space when I posted it so some of your posts have really helped me.

UPDATE

The letting agents contacted me and said there have been other complaints against them and they were invited in to the agents to have a discussion about what can be done. I don't know if they went, or what happened after that but they now have complaints from 2 different neighbours ( the lady with the dog I mentioned who got a camera installed on her property by the local police) so it does validate our feelings about the uncomfortable living situation.

We just asked for it to go on record this time about the loud arguments and language so it's on file that 2 neighbours have now complained. If the constant arguing and threatening language( towards each other, not us) continues we'll put in another complaint and then the letting agents will get involved further. For those of you saying we shouldn't complain just because of a comment they can freely say, I don't know if I've conveyed properly that the comment was just the tip of the ice berg. We hear them shouting and screaming at eachother every night, threatening to kill each other etc, we just happened to hear the comment about our son which finally pushed us to make a complaint. We didn't in the past as we didn't want to antagonise further but that ship has sailed.

For now, we are are just going to try and live our lives and enjoy our toddler and baby on the way. Try to limit the noise as much as we can, but I'm aware we can't stop everything so just have to carry on.

Thanks again all

Actually based on your update - if they're screaming and threatening to kill each other but it's disturbing you as neighbours then yes, this should be logged if it disrupts you.

I don't think it helps with your noise (and as others have said noise insulation would help) but letting agents need to have a word with them.

"We hear them shouting and screaming at eachother every night, threatening to kill each other etc"

You need to report that to the police as it's a domestic incident and if it's a pattern it could be domestic abuse. The verbal threats might turn into physical violence.

So pleased the agents have taken some action. Like other landlords on here have said we would be mortified if a tenant of ours was behaving like this to neighbours. So going to them is the best way to deal with this situation.

Fingers crossed things calm down for you now. If they don’t maybe record some of the shouting you are hearing for evidence.

Hope you are feeling better about the situation and all the best to you and your family. X

At least the letting agents are being proactive, hopefully if it continues then they'll kick them out. Wishing you all the best op.