Just heard my neighbours insult my toddler through the wall.....

[Twdfn123]

Hi guys,

Sorry if this seems like a long one but I'm so angry and I just need second opinions as to whether I'm being unreasonable or not.

My neighbours seemed OK when we moved in 5 years ago, but when we did we had other people on the Street saying to be careful as they were bit odd. All was fine until we had our baby boy, now 2.5 years old.

They submitted a noise complaint against us for banging and toilet flushing. We can't do anything about the toilet flushing for a start it's not like we're on it constantly and it's a quiet flush one anyway. The banging from the toddler we can understand, so we've tried our best to limit this as much as we can. Carpeted lounge, no loud toys in the kitchen and no slamming doors. The house complaint was put down to normal household noise and we carried on trying to be careful. I will say my son is at nursery 3 days a week 8-5pm and sleeps solidly from 630 to 630 every night. We try to go out as much as possible as we feel uncomfortable being in the house in case we make too much noise.

Another neighbour has also reported them for aggressive behaviour and threatening to kill her dog. Tonight we've heard them complaining about us through the wall and they've just called our 2.5 hear old little boy an autistic C*NT. We hear them scream at each other every night and use foul language but now its been directed at our boy.

I've just submitted a formal complaint to the lettings agent via email as I can't have that being said about my child. The language we hear on a daily basis is foul and I just don't know what to do anymore. I dont like confontation and I'm scared in my belly but aibu to have put this complaint forward?

I'm 8 months pregnant and I'm so stressed, I just don't know if I've done the right thing. I had to stop my husband going round as he was absolutely fuming.

😭

I would look into soundproofing your home- I’m sure it’ll be cheaper than moving!

our neighbours are in a council house and when we first moved in we could hear every word the elderly couple said/every tv show they watched. When they died the council soundproofed their home and now a family with 6 children live there and we don’t hear a thing!

it’s worth looking into as it’ll give you a much more peaceful home.

Next door to my house there’s a bigger house than mine. Victorian. A couple with 3 children (they only had the 1 originally) moved in a few years ago. As the children got older (2 are boys) the noise levels increased. I think I only said anything about it when it was the baby but I then moved rooms temporarily so I could sleep. The mother did start taking them out to parks and playground but more for things to do as they got bored. They had a large enough garden but it didn’t really occupy the kids for long even with a trampoline. I think when you have kids and are in adjoining houses with neighbours who don’t have kids then you have to think about taking yours out more to parks and playgrounds or sound insulating or doing quieter things. The father of these kids used to call them feral and escape on long bike rides with his friends at weekends so he presumably found noise and dealing with them hard at times.

Technically I think it's a "hate incident" and not a hate crime, but yes.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/hate-crime/what-are-hate-incidents-and-hate-crime/

We did. We still longed for a second child and didn't want out neighbours to dictate that want. We will have to deal with what comes.

They’ve complained once and were wrong, they won’t complain again.

This is so wrong. How do you know they won't?

Report everything antisocial to their letting agent, get your neighbours to do the same.

You can't make your neighbours complain - and the reality is that most people won't want to get involved unless it affects them directly (they will be concerned about selling their own property and declaring disputes).

They may have no powers but they’ll eventually get sick of responding to complaints

Most letting agents do the minimum they can get away with. They have generic letters/email responses that they use regarding complaints, so OP shouldn't assume they'll take much action unless it escalates to something more serious.

He sleeps through 12 hours at night. No noise then

People that live in houses make noise. There is a standard level of noise and an unacceptable level of noise. The noise you and your family are making seems to me perfectly acceptable for a family of well behaved humans.

YANBU

6.30am is still early though?

Yes but I can't help when he naturally gets up. Even if he didn't I have to get up then to get ready for work. He's straight down in the lounge with milk and quiet TV with bing until 730am at least. I try all I can

Sadly, this is the reality of the situation. Letting agents don't like hassle, neither do many of them do a lot for the money they're paid. As long as the rent's being paid and the tenants aren't up to anything dangerous/illegal in the house, or causing damage to it, then most of them will just give a standard reply to complaints. You cannot control what people say in their own homes, and there are very unpleasant people out there making similar (or much worse) remarks.

Your neighbours sound very unpleasant.

But I will say - as a former resident of a 1960s semi - that the noise from a young family in an adjoining property can be really annoying. With my former neighbours it wasn't so much the kids that I found annoying, as the parents' endless 'baby' voices and the shouting a their kids from 5/6am each day. They weren't bad people (although they would let the kids play in the garden at 6am in the summer); I just don't think they knew how much noise they (the adults) made. I definitely called them cunts too on occasion.

In my current home I have built-in wardrobes and bookcases/cupboards on the party wall. Really helps to reduce the noise.

Well get ready for more complaints then. I sort of agree with others, they’re not saying it to you, they’re saying it in their home probably because they’re frustrated and tired. You need to invest in sound proofing sooner rather than later and that’s the price you have to pay as a home owner.

As horrible as that is (and as awful as they sound generally), not sure what you can do about things you hear through the wall. Even if investigated, this could easily be denied. I don't blame you for wanting to complain about them though.

I am very sorry to say, we had a problem once with neighbours, and complained to the letting agents, and the letting agents couldn't care less. Presumably because the tenant is their customer, and we are nobody.

I just soundproofed a door in my own house, (unrelated issue .) I used Rockwool sound insulation from Wickes and it has mafe a huge improvement.

I hope you get this sorted. I think complaining about normal household noise that occurs for one hour per day, is completely unreasonable.

I think they have multiple accounts.

I'd have let my husband go round! How dare they. Who the fuck do some people think they are. I suspect they get away with it because they intimidate people. I know not everyone is comfortable with confrontation, but I would have to say something. You can't go on like this.

The OP can have as many children as she wants, crazy that some people seem to think her neighbours comfort should be a factor, ffs! It's a horrible situation but it's obviously an insulation issue. If you can hear them cursing and shouting then they can hear you. I don't think personally you can do anything helpful outside of insulation, OP. Your baby will be crying and upsetting them even more in a few weeks so sweet revenge will be yours.

No, it's not a crime of any kind to call the neighbour's child a cunt, an autistic cunt or anything else in your own home. Upsetting - yes. Illegal - No.

It. Just. Isn't.

Your neighbours can use far, far, far worse language than that, can say far, far, far worse things in their own home and it's still not a crime of any kind.

If you follow stupid people's advice and try to report this you will get absolutely nowhere and will be wasting the police time and your own.

Do what others have said and invest in soundproofing. Or move. Those are your two options.

We've used this to help sound proof. It has been very effective.

https://www.diy.com/departments/oak-veneer-acoustic-panel-l-2400mm-w-572-5mm-7-2kg/9010115274778_BQ.prd?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwqdqvBhCPARIsANrmZhMNwUnLAUrFYnd_CNPz_E1Cp7Po64_O5z_i9wJyT0mGHGH5-Ut9DhIaAuZ0EALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

Now that you know they do this, stop tiptoeing around trying to be quiet. Just live normally.

Not loudly, just without worrying about them.

You should thank them in a weird way that they have taken the pressure off of you to be quieter. Don't bother, because whatever you do, they wont be happy.

They have the choice to stay or move. Up to them.