Just heard my neighbours insult my toddler through the wall.....

[Twdfn123]

Hi guys,

Sorry if this seems like a long one but I'm so angry and I just need second opinions as to whether I'm being unreasonable or not.

My neighbours seemed OK when we moved in 5 years ago, but when we did we had other people on the Street saying to be careful as they were bit odd. All was fine until we had our baby boy, now 2.5 years old.

They submitted a noise complaint against us for banging and toilet flushing. We can't do anything about the toilet flushing for a start it's not like we're on it constantly and it's a quiet flush one anyway. The banging from the toddler we can understand, so we've tried our best to limit this as much as we can. Carpeted lounge, no loud toys in the kitchen and no slamming doors. The house complaint was put down to normal household noise and we carried on trying to be careful. I will say my son is at nursery 3 days a week 8-5pm and sleeps solidly from 630 to 630 every night. We try to go out as much as possible as we feel uncomfortable being in the house in case we make too much noise.

Another neighbour has also reported them for aggressive behaviour and threatening to kill her dog. Tonight we've heard them complaining about us through the wall and they've just called our 2.5 hear old little boy an autistic C*NT. We hear them scream at each other every night and use foul language but now its been directed at our boy.

I've just submitted a formal complaint to the lettings agent via email as I can't have that being said about my child. The language we hear on a daily basis is foul and I just don't know what to do anymore. I dont like confontation and I'm scared in my belly but aibu to have put this complaint forward?

I'm 8 months pregnant and I'm so stressed, I just don't know if I've done the right thing. I had to stop my husband going round as he was absolutely fuming.

😭

You have no idea how difficult it is to evict someone from social housing for 'anti social behaviour'.

I've known people still able to live in their houses when they've threatened to kill their neighbours. With evidence.

Maybe ops toddler is really fucking annoying? Who knows.

@Twdfn123 Complaints to the letting agent or landlord are futile, neither of them can control the behaviour of a tenant.

The police can't act, either, unless the neighbour has committed a criminal offence. The only possible recourse for nuisance etc is via the council.

If you take this route, and then want/try to sell, you'll have to reveal the complaint to the potential seller, which might scupper the sale.

The best solution is to install sound proofing.

It's really hard to take sides on these stories as it's very much he said she said i live in a terrace house and have had multiple different neighbours over the years some you don't hear a peep out of others you hear everything and it's really horrible to live next to when it's constant the slaming doors, running up and down stairs, over the top loud sex, loud arguments, music blaring. Iv only ever had one neighbour complain about the noise level from my house and it was ridiculous things I can do nothing about like sound of the boiler, washing machine, the toilet flushing ect she even came round the next day once after the remote control fell on the floor of the bed during the night wanting to know what the loud bang was as it woke her up. If your having issues with your neighbours record everything but also be mindful of any excessive noise your making as sound really does travel.

This! Just live your life OP. Don't let these bullies spoil this precious time with your young children, you can never get it back. If you live next door to children there is always going to be a certain level of noise, and as long as it's within reason it has to be tolerated. They have probably got a sense of you that you can be intimidated and they're playing on it. Don't let them do this!

Enjoy your new baby

I cannot believe some of the responses you are getting here OP. Like you are in the wrong somehow!! And you need to hope your new baby is quiet! WTF? Children make noise, toilets make noise, babies cry. Don’t worry about it. Live your life and if they complain to you again tell them to go and fuck them selves. Don’t let them intimidate you. Make them think you can be as much of a cunt as they are. Enjoy your newborn and do not let them spoil it for you.

They're not intimidating as such as they're quite a bit older but the situation is intimidating iyswim as we're so uncomfortable in our own home

but this is great news. If they’re not physically intimidating then you can disregard that and….find your angry, find your backbone. Who gives a fuck what they call your son? They’re clearly scum. Rise above it. Laugh at them. Live your life as you would if they weren’t there and give them a cheery wave as you do so.

I'm a landlord and the house I rent out through a letting agent doesn't have the best sound-proofing. I know this because I lived there myself for a couple of year before I moved away for work. I used to hear my neighbours singing to their baby, which was lovely! Not much noise apart from that.

When I first met the letting agent, she asked me what my priorities were in terms of tenants. I said that my priority was my neighbours - I didn't want any tenants who would be a problem to them.

If I discovered that tenants of mine were behaving like the OP's neighbours, then I would be doing whatever I could to end the tenancy as soon as possible. Contacting the letting agent is the right thing to do.

If other neighbours have had problems with them too the landlord may decide they are too high maintenance. You don’t know if there are other problems in the background as well such as rent payment issues and your complaint may be their last straw.

Can’t believe there are some people in the thread that think it’s unreasonable for neighbours to make getting up noises at 6.30 am. They must be jobless!

if you own your own home this is not necessarily too difficult to do something about.

if you want something nicer looking you could go for wooden slats over felt, they have a square tile or full height panels https://www.wallsandfloors.co.uk/trepanelar-oak-acoustic-wood-panels

or the sticky back foam tiles are a popular choice
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Topnaca-Proofing-Soundproofing-Recording-Treatment/dp/B0BWRR9ZBJ/ref=zg_bs_g_407820031_d_sccl_17/260-7913860-7754065?th=1

I'd suggest contacting Victim Support ahead of the lettings agent for advice, esp as what they said could be construed as hate speech, but as it was said and heard within a public dwelling there sadly won't be grounds to also make a police report - but please see what other options you have as at some point your son may hear these comments for himself 😢

Victim Supportline: 08 08 16 89 111

If they have a genuine complaint about you let them raise it with the council. I don't think it's good to fall out but seems like you already have. If you have a dispute it can effect the sale of your home.

A child repeatedly banging would be absolutely maddening, as it's such a pointless sound.

Sound can really amplify, I'd definitely try to get the banging to stop.

There is no need for it, and it is probably noise that is driving the neighbours mad-

The other neighbours likely have a barking dog - again, a massively disruptive sound.

When the second child comes, the noise will more than double.

I'd try and put to put up soundproofing...or move to a detached place.

Noise can make people feel at the end of their tether.

Your neighbours can say anything at all about anyone they like in their own home, however unpleasant you may find it and there is no basis of any kind for any complaint against their speech.

But if they are being unreasonably loud you can certainly complain about that.

Unfortunately it is incredibly difficult, due to the laws of physics. The products that you linked are used to mitigate reflection of certain frequencies within a room, but will do almost nothing to reduce the sound transmission through a common wall that OP's neighbors are objecting to.

The only approaches that will produce a meaningful result involves mechanically de-coupling the walls or building a secondary "room-within-a-room" structure. Both are extremely difficult and costly propositions.

No, don’t worry about being reported for the baby crying, OP. Action cannot be taken against you for day to day noise - which is what a baby crying and toddler playing is.

I think this is a good approach.
People like this revel in causing problems - perhaps it makes them feel powerful.
Take that power away.

After that comment I’d buy my kid a drum kit.

What crime did you have in mind? The Public Order Act does not apply when both parties are in a dwelling house, or different dwelling houses.

We’ve just had sound insulation installed in our house - existing wall is not an issue: they baton it, put soundproof insulation, add special plaster board that has sound insulation properties, then plaster over. Your room would loose a few inches, but it’s very effective. Issue is whether you can afford to have it done, but it would be cheaper than moving.

This! Also the poster mentioned eavesdropping- what a ridiculous comment!

You have to live normally in your home Op. Ignore them. Live your life. They're calling tiny children awful names and threatening to kill dogs, one day they'll threaten the wrong person.

Op if you’re going to buy panels to sound proof, do you research. This first link here isn’t what it makes out to be. They are acoustic panels that prevent echos so something that would be used in a recording studio or office to take away or dampen some sounds for those within the same room but is not the same as sound proofing so you or your neighbours wouldn’t notice a difference. If you delve Deeper into the website in the advice area it says
“When correctly installed with fibreglass wool or rock wool snuggly tucked between wall battens, Trepanel® wall panels work wonders in muffling external noise.”

the best way to sound proof is pretty much what the above wording says. Sound needs to be trapped in an air gap between your two properties so you would need to batten the wall, fill with insulation material then board over. You will need to loose a chunk on internal space to do this properly. And product that claims to do it without loosing space likely won’t work.

You worded what I was trying to say way better!!!

Think you've 'misunderstood' @Estellaa

The op is living normally.

If they don’t want to hear normal noise (toilet flushing etc) they need to move to a detached house. Any form of attached house is likely to come with some noise (that goes for both of you to be fair) and you can only really complain about noise that goes above and beyond. Our house is semi detached and we make an effort to keep our toddler quiet during the early morning and overnight but during the day she plays like a normal toddler. She doesn’t make excessive noise (especially if windows are open) but she can just be a child. Ditto I wouldn’t expect my neighbours to creep around quiet as a mouse all day everyday. We all chose to move to a semi detached, that’s the price you pay 🤷🏼‍♀️ I certainly wouldn’t be going out all the time to avoid making normal household noise, let them complain, they’re only making themselves sound ridiculous. A toilet flushing ffs.
If they continue their screaming rows late at night etc, I’d probably call the police to be fair, in case it escalates, as I would if I heard any neighbour having a screaming domestic, more as a welfare check than anything.

You'd call someone a cunt for doing totally normal morning activities?? You must have angry issues. Surely most adults at least start waking up by 6 30am to get ready for work, school, nursery, kids wake up etc etc. It you've got no responsibilities and can lounge in bed having a lie in then good for you but if you never want to hear people going about totally standard lives then you should live rural away from people, not live in a terraced house etc, and if that's not affordable then live in a caravan away from everyone, if that's not possible then tough stop moaning. As long as the child isn't making unnecessary noise when they wake up then what's the problem?! The OP has already confirmed they tell them to play quiet and every child I know has a fairly quiet sit down and watches the TV while they wake up slowly.