Just heard my neighbours insult my toddler through the wall.....

[Twdfn123]

Hi guys,

Sorry if this seems like a long one but I'm so angry and I just need second opinions as to whether I'm being unreasonable or not.

My neighbours seemed OK when we moved in 5 years ago, but when we did we had other people on the Street saying to be careful as they were bit odd. All was fine until we had our baby boy, now 2.5 years old.

They submitted a noise complaint against us for banging and toilet flushing. We can't do anything about the toilet flushing for a start it's not like we're on it constantly and it's a quiet flush one anyway. The banging from the toddler we can understand, so we've tried our best to limit this as much as we can. Carpeted lounge, no loud toys in the kitchen and no slamming doors. The house complaint was put down to normal household noise and we carried on trying to be careful. I will say my son is at nursery 3 days a week 8-5pm and sleeps solidly from 630 to 630 every night. We try to go out as much as possible as we feel uncomfortable being in the house in case we make too much noise.

Another neighbour has also reported them for aggressive behaviour and threatening to kill her dog. Tonight we've heard them complaining about us through the wall and they've just called our 2.5 hear old little boy an autistic C*NT. We hear them scream at each other every night and use foul language but now its been directed at our boy.

I've just submitted a formal complaint to the lettings agent via email as I can't have that being said about my child. The language we hear on a daily basis is foul and I just don't know what to do anymore. I dont like confontation and I'm scared in my belly but aibu to have put this complaint forward?

I'm 8 months pregnant and I'm so stressed, I just don't know if I've done the right thing. I had to stop my husband going round as he was absolutely fuming.

😭

You only have to declare an official report council or police.
I’ve bought and sold 9 properties so I’m up to speed on this issue.

I'm afraid you're kinder than me. I'd be being as noisy as possible (within the permitted limits)

Hi OP, I think you could have sound proofing panels put on your wall quite cheaply. You can google it to get prices. It's about $10 to $30 per square foot.

Honestly the biggest problem here is the standards to which these homes have been built. Normal families make normal family noise. If the OP can hear the neighbours' (disgusting) comments and the neighbours are constantly disrupted by the sounds of the family the biggest issue is the crap soundproofing they are all living with.

There’s a real trend for people to use the word “autistic” as a slur, not because they think the person is actually autistic.

If you consider how the word “retarded” is used offensively, it’s similar to that.

For that reason, it probably wouldn’t qualify as a hate crime. And I say this as an autistic woman with autistic DC.

While you can’t police what they say in their own home OP, regardless of how thoroughly nasty it is, you can definitely complain about volume levels. I would keep a log.

If you saw this as your forever home, don’t give up. Get some insulation on the wall - it’s easy and cheap to install. And while it’s important to be reasonable - so keep quiet until a decent time of the morning and no banging on the walls - I really wouldn’t be trying to live silently. Hopefully your new baby will annoy them so much they’ll piss off. Living in fear is no way to live. Fingers crossed for you.

But the conversation happened in their own home.
Its not against any law to say whatever you like in your own home.

Insulate the party wall OP
Batten out and use a good sound insulating board. Add extra soft furnishings around the house to absorb your own noise.

The neighbours don't sound very nice, but I think most people would feel frustrated living in a house where the soundproofing is bad you can hear the toilet flush and hear what next door are actually saying- how earth can either of you have any privacy?

I don't think you can police what people say to each other in their own house!

You can buy sound insulating boards (like plaster boards) that you can put on the walls. We had to do them in the bedroom of our old house as our neighbour was an awful snorer! They weren’t cheap though from what i remember and it meant redecorating the entire room (although as a stop gap to stop the noise maybe you could just do the boards then redecorate at a later date when you’re back to work after maternity, it just wouldn’t look amazing temporarily)

From your posts all I can ascertain is that they’ve complained about noise (which was dismissed) and you heard them make derogatory comments in their own house. They’re clearly cunts themselves but perhaps just ignore them? Are they intimidating?

Trying to ignore as best we can. The noise complaint against us was about 6 months ago and almost every evening we hear arguing, shouting, swearing, banging, sometimes about us mostly about eachother. They're not intimidating as such as they're quite a bit older but the situation is intimidating iyswim as we're so uncomfortable in our own home.

I think you need to investigate professional soundproofing. To be honest, if you can hear their conversations, the soundproofing must be rubbish.

I agree the soundproofing is obviously an issue here that needs looking at 😔

Oh that's so horrible for you. Try to ignore it, it's hard I know. Hope that they may get evicted by the landlord for their bad behaviour. Don't engage with them it will only encourage them more.
I have some experience with neighbours from he'll if you want to pm

Just stand your ground. Make normal household noise, let your toddler play, you shouldn't be scared of flushing a toilet in your own house. If you can hear them swearing through the walls, put some music on. Don't engage, don't confront, don't apologise. Treat them like toddlers and hope they get bored. By giving in and apologising and trying to live silently (WTF!) you're probably emboldening them. Your focus should be on your family, not your dickhead neighbours. If they cross a line, keep reporting them. Sounds like your other neighbours are on side so you know they've got form for this. I feel sorry for you, it's shit having paper thin walls, but people have to understand. We were lucky with our old house, the neighbours laughed with us at how thin the walls were, we'd give each other sympathy if someone had a cold as we could hear coughing in bed at night through the wall.

That's appalling. I don't think it's something you can report to a letting agent though, as name calling won't be a stipulation within the tenancy agreement. They will likely just point you towards the police

You've been incredibly lenient, I think.

You're creeping round your home and worrying about doors and toilets and they're screaming at each other every night?

Complaint long overdue! Well done for finally standing up for yourselves.

They sound unhinged.

Ffs unless they have one brain cell between them they will know that if they can hear your child playing, he will likewise be able to hear them screaming insults about him. No child should be hearing this. Yeah I know he won't understand age 2 but he'll grow up quickly.

Thank you for your kind post, it means a lot when feeling a bit Overwhelmed with it all x

They didn't say it to your face though? They said it in their house that you heard through the wall? What's the housing going to do? 'Oh your neighbour has said you can't mention their kid at all in your house'

I will say that they will probs ramp up their behaviour when they hear your new baby so that's nice isn't it

Not really, stressful for all involved.

You are correct. If OP sells she will have to inform the future buyer of any complaints she made about a neighbour, or any complaints about her by a neighbour.

@RogueFemale absolutely! Fingers crossed they can actually sell.

@Twdfn123 I would like to know who the hell the 14% are who think YOU are being unreasonable?? they are absolutely unbelievable and you have every right to report them. the more reports against the neighbours, the quicker they will be evicted for anti social behaviour!!!

@GrumpyPanda Blaring? Since when did 'having the tv on' translate to 'blaring' please?!? You've just fabricated that in your own mind. These anti social neighbours are shouting insults at a 2 year old little boy but you feel sorry for them because OP dared to put the tv on in her own home?!?!
Wow

If you can hear them through the wall, they can hear you. The perils of living close by. So maybe you both need to be quieter. It sounds awful for all parties.