Same boys being chosen for sports

[Dantiger]

Just before Christmas, 8yo DS (year 3) came home a bit sad as his PE teacher had chosen 6 boys from his class to participate in a football tournament. He wasn’t picked but wanted to do it. I told him it was ok and that I’m sure it’ll be his turn for something.

Then in January his school started a cross country team and 4 boys out of the 6 from the football tournament were chosen.

This Tuesday just gone, the year 4’s were having a football tournament. Apparently one of the same boys who got chosen for the year 3 tournament and the cross country team was picked to go with the year 4’s.

DS doesn’t hang around with any of these boys but I remember at sports day last summer they all won the categories.

I just feel with sports all children should have the chance to take part in events. I really don’t think it’s fair that the same boy gets chosen for all of them over and over again.

I probably am BU as it makes DS sad but I do think it’s unfair

If it's competitive sports, then they are going to pick the players with the most aptitude, I don't think there's any way around that. The school should be giving all pupils opportunities to improve and achieve during lessons and in-school clubs etc, but you can't expect them not to pick the best players to represent the school competitively.

Why shouldn't the children who are talented at sport be chosen to do sports?

Competitive sports is about being the best.

Sports days, PE lessons etc are for everyone.

Your DC need to understand the difference.

Does your DS play sports out of school? If not, get him involved in a couple of clubs and practising his skills regularly, then he will get picked.

I think competitions are different. You wouldn’t select an average speller for a spelling bee competition, or maths etc.

Fair points, I think it’s just because I know it bothers DS.

@WASZPy He doesn’t play anything out of school but I have been thinking of joining him into some kind of club

Do that. It will improve his skills, confidence, fitness, and he’s more likely to be chosen for school things, or will mind less if he isn’t, as he will be playing/competing outside of school.

This is sad for your DS. I understand. I have been there. But this is not routine sports. This is being chosen for competitions, and on that basis the top in each category will be chosen. If your DS is a good all rounder but not excellent at any one sport this will affect him disproportionately. It’s tough watching our children disappointed, but I do not think there is nothing you could or should do.

OP yes look at clubs outside school. See what interests him but expose him to a range. If you have a decent local tennis club they are also great for holiday activities.

It's a harsh lesson to learn in life but learn it they must. It's your job as a mum to ease him through it and help him find his tribe.
They all get a chance to play a range of sports in class and clubs. Competitive leagues need the "best" players.

Just seen your update. The betting is the chosen boys are doing lots of out of school sports. The gap between them will widen. Get him to pick something he likes best and pursue that out of school.

He should have the chance to join a school football/running/etc club, to train and to play friendly matches etc.

But if the school is entering a competitive tournament against other schools/counties etc, then it's fine for them to pick the best team.

It's a great opportunity to help him learn some resilience. Recognise he is disappointed but that disappointment isn't a catastrophic feeling. He can put effort into improving his skills at a sport or try other sports. Continuous improvement, a growth mindset, is what you want to instil - he probably won't be a premier league footballer but that he can still be a better footballer than he is now and have fun playing

It's always been the case.

I will definitely look into getting him signed up to some kind of club. I can’t comment on his ability as I never actually see it but I know he enjoys PE

I completely hear you op. My DD is not very sporty and was never picked for things in primary school. It used to frustrate me because how will these children get better if they are never given the opportunity? It’s ok saying well get them into outside school activities to improve, but what if parents can’t afford this? It creates a divide between the wealthier families and primary school should be more about inclusion as far as I’m concerned.

my dd is now at high school and they have A, B, C and sometimes D teams depending on how many kids want to participate. As it happens my dd has improved so much at a sport she now regularly plays in the A team.

It creates a divide between the wealthier families and primary school should be more about inclusion as far as I’m concerned.

But this is addressed in PE lessons, Sports Days, school clubs which (unless run by an outside agency) tend to be free or very cheap. Often, school clubs can be subsidised or free for children who receive pupil premium.

Competitions are for the best of the best. Learning that is an important lesson because that’s how life works. If children don’t learn that they won’t always be the best or picked, they build resilience. It either encourages them to put the effort in to improve or pursue something they excel in. My DD(10yo) doesn’t get picked for competing sports teams. That’s ok. She is stronger academically instead. She’s also not bothered at all when she doesn’t get picked because we have always encouraged her to brush it off because not everyone can be picked.

My daughter was upset she wasn't chosen for the football tournament last year, but had never shown an interest in football at school.
This year she joined the school football club and plays at lunchtimes a lot and was chosen for team. Is it possible for your son to get a bit more involved in sports at school to give him a better chance of being picked?

My son is absolutely useless at sports he has never been picked for sporting team in 13 years and that's fine. Tournaments are competitive and should remain so. It's the kids have sporting prowess' time to shine.

My son however is always picked when it comes to anything science, maths or English based because that's what he's good at. That's his time to shine.

Do the school run a football club? If so does your son go?

For competitions against other schools, the best children will always be picked I’m afraid. And the ones who are good at football are also likely good at rugby, running, cricket etc…they just are all round sporty. And yes probably do it outside school.

likewise there may be opportunities for maths competitions, spelling bees, bigger roles in school plays, solos in choirs and so on and these will go to the pupils who are strongest in these subjects too.

Small independent schools often have fixtures which include every child competing against other schools, but again, you’re paying for it. In state schools, getting kids to fixtures is not the easiest and realistically unless it’s a huge school they’ll probably just take one team each time and yes it’s likely the same kids each time. Apart from anything else it’s soul destroying to take a B team to play another schools A team and lose by miles.

Sadly, when it comes to school sports, the coaches tend to pick the kids who can already do those sports. In my local area, when it comes to football, it's the kids whose DPs have taken them to Little Kickers every Saturday morning since they were four years old and who now play for a local club. Same with swimming, rugby and cricket. As for cross country, it will be the kids who are fittest and have the most stamina for a longer run - so those kids who do Junior Parkrun or whose parents take them running, etc. If your DS is keen on sports OP and disappointed at not being picked the onus is on you to find out what is available locally and see if you can get him into a local club or take him to Junior Parkrun, if there is one near you (it's free - you just need to register online to get a bar code so they can register your time).

I bet the sporty lot would be screaming discrimination though if their kids weren't picked for the more brainy activities. It often seems to be the same popular kids who are chosen for everything. I really don't think highly competitive sports have any place in school. Education should be inclusive and about learning not one upmanship. Obviously games have a winner and that's ok but not the kind of competition that leaves people feeling crap and left out. There are plenty of sports clubs for those that want that sort of thing.

I have just spoken to him, he seems to be interested in joining a football team so I’ll look into that. After speaking to him a bit more about it, he told me he likes to play football at dinner time but none of “the boys” ever pass to him. He says they aren’t nasty to him though. I think signing him up to a club outside of school would do him good

Rubbish!

Utter nonsense. If you kid got 100% in a test but was only marked down as having 50% because it wasn’t fair on others would you be fine with that?

YABU. This is the school team and it's a competitive sport. They pick the best sports people to fill the team. If there's a school orchestra, and it's by invitation only, and they have three violinist space. Do you think they would ask everyone learning the violin to take turn, or do you think they would pick the best violinist? Do you think the school orchestra has a better chance to sound good and win competitions with the best musicians, or include those who aren't as good or as committed?

It's the same thing.