Same boys being chosen for sports

[Dantiger]

Just before Christmas, 8yo DS (year 3) came home a bit sad as his PE teacher had chosen 6 boys from his class to participate in a football tournament. He wasn’t picked but wanted to do it. I told him it was ok and that I’m sure it’ll be his turn for something.

Then in January his school started a cross country team and 4 boys out of the 6 from the football tournament were chosen.

This Tuesday just gone, the year 4’s were having a football tournament. Apparently one of the same boys who got chosen for the year 3 tournament and the cross country team was picked to go with the year 4’s.

DS doesn’t hang around with any of these boys but I remember at sports day last summer they all won the categories.

I just feel with sports all children should have the chance to take part in events. I really don’t think it’s fair that the same boy gets chosen for all of them over and over again.

I probably am BU as it makes DS sad but I do think it’s unfair

Or maybe parents need to start taking responsibility for their kids health and start feeding them better foods, stop over feeding them and get them off the iPads and PlayStations and get them into sports clubs outside of schools. Maybe then the same 4 wouldn’t always be picked.

I have kids in year 1 and 3 and there are several kids who already play on sides outside of school and clearly really love football - if they have access to a ball football is being played!

There will be kids who are naturally athletic, and there will be kids who practice really hard. Right now your son is neither but expecting to just make the team. He's being a bit entitled imo.

Definitely he needs to be doing a sport outside of school to improve his athleticism if he wants to compete for the school.

I have one of these children that’s ‘chosen for every sports competition’ he is very sporty. Plays for a football team outside of school and is also part of our county athletics club. Schools are naturally going to chose the children that are likely to help them win? That’s the whole point isn’t it? Why would they send someone with average or worse running times to a cross country competition? They want to send the fastest kids!

At school sport is the only area he really excels in. Doesn’t fare well in the spelling tests so wouldn’t ever get chosen for a spelling bee. He Isn’t ever chosen for main parts in plays as his dramatic skills are average at best! Which is completely fine. I wouldn’t expect him to be chosen for these activities! There are children in his class much better suited for these roles!

@Dantiger also check out if there are any football Easter or Summer camps/weeks for all abilities local to you. Great if the flyer goes to school and a car load of him & his mates sign up so you as parents can co-ordinate drop offs / pick ups across the week. My son adored these much more than the development/club camps as he was with his mates and they were of all abilities. The coaches were great at just making it fun, highlighting sportsmanship and including everyone. You will always get a few who hog the ball, but as the PE teacher mentions above, they will be trying to instill the rare, but important skill of passing 😂! Also means you hear a bit of chat about who plays where and is enjoying it at about the same level. Clubs tend to have several levels for each year group, so somewhere for everyone and room to progress. Really hope you find somewhere he enjoys.

I wouldn’t say he’s being entitled as he’s never kicked up a fuss over it, just was a bit sad once

We signed up DC for this very reason - in year 2 lots of kids started playing football at school and in the park, and they just did not know what to do with the ball. They didn’t love it, played for about 18 months in a club, but at least they have the skill to join in socially if they want to.

My DS has been playing football for a team at the weekend since he was 4 and also tried other sports- cricket, gymnastics etc. He was a naturally sporty kid but playing sports out of school regularly definitely helped him improve. He was always chosen for sporting stuff at primary but this seemed fair based on his natural talent and efforts out of school. Get him enrolled on some classes/teams out of school if he loves sport.

I’m a U7 grassroots football coach. Contact your county FA and ask for the details of your lower league teams. Be polite and go on a waiting list if there’s not spaces. Better still offer to volunteer and you’ll find space quickly!

I truly believe sport should be for all at the correct level the team I coach has a mix of players from top division to lowest, we play in a middle division and most aren’t happy and you be better in a more appropriate division team (both higher and lower). However our club ethos is equal game time so that’s what they all get, even the boy that picks daisies mid match.

Sport is brilliant for building resilience and introducing competition but I think it also teaches that hard work and dedication counts for a lot of success. I never practiced the violin so I wasn’t very good.

My DS is a late July boy with motor skill delays. He’s only as good at sports as he is because of practice.

The one thing I recommend to any parent is junior parkrun- free and for all abilities, even teaching about volunteering and supporting others. Great for fitness and confidence.

Oh and like a PP said, the kids never pass to each other. Nothing to do with your son!

@Dantiger

I wouldn’t say he’s being entitled as he’s never kicked up a fuss over it, just was a bit sad once

So it is likely you who has more of an issue. It's always parents wanting their kids on the footie team. Nobody ever expects their child to go into chess competitions or spelling bee or maths competitions if their child has shown no interest previously in those things. So why football? Is it because parents perceive that as a way to be more popular?

Honestly some kids are only really good at or interested in sport. If the teacher picks someone who has never played over someone who is mad on footie & they lose then they will all blame the player with no previous experience.

Some people on here are really scathing about groups of sports Mums - they just know each other from seeing each other at matches, giving other kids lifts, socials. We were doing footie tours by that age.

Would you want the team to lose just so your son had chance to play?

It doesn't sound like DH has any interest either. Has he never kicked a ball with him?

What is it was a musical performance and your son couldn't play an instrument?

He'd just messed around with the glockenspiel in music like all of the other children in the class. Would he be disappointed that it's always Grace that gets picked because she can play the violin?

YABU

Kids need to learn that, as much as they might want to be, they can't be the best at everything, that there will always be someone that bit better .

We shyed away from this for far too long which is now why, imo, we have an influx of gen z in the workplace who are genuinely shocked and horrified to learn they're not the best, brightest and best paid on day one.

Our School pick the best players for their A team and we have a B team that gets rotated so other boys get a chance. Most of the boys in my sons year play football for teams outside school and we have some fabulous skilled kids.

The school use the same A team as they are reknowned for winning.
Some parents kicked off about their little Ronaldo not being picked so there were trials held and surprise, surprise… little Ronaldo got picked.
He ended up being subbed for the majority of the game as he isn’t a strong player and the rest of the team weren’t happy to have a weak link so sadly it backfired.

Leave the school to pick their players and encourage your son to play for a team outside school and to look at other sports that are going to give him a chance of getting a place in the team… eg, basketball, hockey, cricket etc… as he may have a natural ability at one of those.

Year 6 obesity levels will not be resolved by twice weekly 30 minutes of pe in an otherwise sedentary week

Its is criminally negligent that we sit kids down all day from year one onwards

Children should have hours of physical activity daily much of it freely chosen and playful..sport and pe are just a minor part of that.

And issues like this would be less stressful for kids if they got to play lots of freely chosen games like football rather than having to do clubs etc to play

My reply would be you’re the one making PE compulsory and organising school teams, so I expect you to teach

I haven't read the whole thread, but can I suggest if your ds is genuinely interested in cross country, you take him to junior park run on a Sunday AM? It's free and very inclusive - ours has several kids with SEN including my own ds. He will never be last and he will be able to see the improvement in his times.

The other thing that seems very inclusive is cricket. The Allstars program is good value and worth looking into. I wouldn't limit him to football.

Of course it’s not unreasonable to pick the kids who are best at the particular sport. My son isn’t academic so is never top of the class but is incredibly sporty and excels in different sports. He’s on every school sports team and rightly so - he’s also in clubs for swimming, football l, cricket and running outside of school. If your son isn’t even in any sports clubs outside of school he’s clearly not that sporty. He can’t decide he suddenly fancies being in the football team

My 9 year old is an average football player. He has been going to training since he was about 3

Your son will struggle at 8 to join a team and learn the basics of football

He has also been chosen for cross country but he had to qualify. He run a km in under 5 mins. He came third in his trials

Can your son do this? He lapped some kids twice doing this

I don’t think it’s so much as he’s woken up one morning and decided he thinks he’s good enough to be part of the team. The said tournament was being held at the training ground of the club he supports so I reckon that’s what’s started it all and then since speaking to him about it it’s come about him being interested in starting.

I didn’t realise how competitive it was, I think in my head they’re all still so young so I guess I just presumed at this age it was more on the fun side of things where all children were to have a turn

I don't think a km in under 5 minutes even cross country is particularly fast for a child of that age. I'd say most active 9 year olds could do that. However keeping it up for 5km might be a different matter.

Yeah they will have been doing clubs since about 4. 8 isn’t young really. There’s Little Kickers from about 3, rugby Tots etc.

He will get a lot of confidence and hopefully enjoy clubs out of school. School teams get more competitive as they go in to secondary so it’s good to try a wide range of sports and accept they may not be on the school team. And yes they have A,B and C teams so often most can get a go.

Our school football team is really competitive but DS2 plays for a local team so gets his enjoyment there and accepts he’s not good enough for the school team. He’s on the school team for hockey though. There’s loads of sports to try and he sounds keen so hopefully you can find him some good clubs. Then school teams matter less.

Honestly Op. I think that at 8 he's on the old side for join a soccer club unless he is playing a lot himself in the park etc as most kids are playing 3 or 4 years at this stage. Some clubs are very competitive and some are more relaxed. Definitely enquire with coaches first.
I think Pe needs to be inclusive but absolutely for inter school competitions the best team will be chosen and it's only fair that they should be .
It would simply be carnage if they took the everyone gets a turn approach.

he might not be the earliest to join a foot ball club but he’s definitely not ‘too late’. Watch a few little YouTube or CBeebies videos perhaps and get him along to a club for a taster session - any decent coach should make him feel included and set exercises he can do.

DS is good at tennis.
In his primary school when there was a school football competition the boys best at football (who played for a local team) were picked.

When there was a netball competition the girls that were best at netball (and played out of school) were picked.

Then they had a tennis competition and he wasnt picked because he played for a club.
That was a really difficult one to explain!!