AIBU for not wanting to sleep in the garden

[Captaincarnoustie]

Sounds a bit obvious when you put it like that 🤣 but opinions welcome. Being intentionally vague on age genders etc as SIL is on Mumsnet.

YABU - suck it up and sleep in the damn tent
YANBU - the only thing I like to bring camping is a hotel room

We’re a mixed family but have been together a while (5years) and we have a big family get together coming up over Easter hols and it’s myself, partner, and a bio kid each, attending. Hosted by my partners parents.

Lots of family coming from a very drivable distance but we are not - at least 3h drive one way and it’s very rural so no airbnbs etc nearby we have always just stayed over at the hosts house and it’s been good.

we got told today that because “older family members are coming over and they want to drink and have to take priority” we have to set up a tent in the garden instead of having an actual bed, hot water etc. I’m thinking … nope 👎 That sounds like my personal definition of hell, and just no. I am just keen to make our polite excuses, however partner thinks we should still go.

I’ve suggested they go themselves but they think it would cause “drama and speculation” about our relationship if they go and I don’t (tbf it would) and offend them if we decline because they told us about this months ago.

AIBU?

A big mobile home with heat would work.

We're a camping and outdoor sports family. DS has an event in April that includes camping for the weekend.

Like fuck are we taking the tent, we've hired a motorhome!

It would be a no from me.

what part of there's nowhere else to stay do people not understand?

It's the highlands, there isn't a great deal of accommodation to begin with and what there is can be very expensive.

OP has said the only places AVAILABLE are 30-40 miles away and £1000.

Presumably closer places are fully booked!!

I'd have assumed they were joking! Then said no.

@Captaincarnoustie hey just tell them you have been suddenly snowed in! or say you have broken down at dundee and all garages have closed for the night. if it is on the islands, just say the ferry has broken down again⛴

Experienced camper here (done deserts, mountains, all different terrain/seasons etc, in bivvies, bashas, tents etc), as are my kids. We’ve got the equipment which enables us to camp in very cold/extremes of weather.

There is no way I would be doing this, in the Highlands, at that time of year. IF we had planned the trip as a family, for us actually camping, then that wouldn’t be an issue (subject to weather not being too extreme). And we have camped an Easter weekend a few years back with friends (it was around 0 degrees). But for them to throw this on you last minute is not on.

Do you guys even have the right gear? Do they? Who will be setting up the tent and taking it down? I bloody hate taking down a wet tent as it means I have to repitch it again when I’m home (in my garden) to enable it to (eventually) dry before I can put it away. And I don’t know what their garden is like but mine is currently water logged because of the rain. So I would hate to put a tent on that.

If you camp out in this weather without the correct gear, it would be hideous. It’s horrible being cold/wet, worrying about a tent that might leak or blow over in the wind etc. I would refuse to go. They changed the sleeping arrangements last minute and that’s not on!

why cant the people who want to drink organise a taxi

And this point too!!!

I love camping but I would never camp at Easter as it will be absolutely freezing at night. No way.

Hire a camper van?

They obviously think that you are the easiest to inconvenience as you won’t complain / will just comply. Time to change that dynamic.

I agree with you @TicTac80
We love camping and go on many an outdoor expedition (if you like) with the right kit and a can-do attitude.
Still wouldn't agree to this one. It's cold, it's wet. There's no reward in camping in someone's bloody garden right now.

This sums it up perfectly.

Have you read exactly WHERE they're going to be? Hint - it's closer to Norway than London. And where's all the spendy kit coming from? Whose arse is the OP meant to pull it out of?

This post is starting to remind me of the poor poster with a brother who decided her family couldn't come to his Scottish Highlands wedding at the last minute. Loads of 'just get a Travelodge even if it's an hour away'.

Erm there's one at Fort William and a couple in Inverness. Even driving back at night is not fun on roads you don't know.

I live in north Scotland so I'm not unused to rural driving but something like Hell's Glen after a party is a no from me too.

The ground is sodden and any kind of rain turns everything into a river.

Similarly hiring a campervan in one of the most popular areas to visit at short notice for Easter weekend isn't going to be easy and is certainly going to be pricey.

They need to accommodate you somewhere or I'd not be going.

The 'i camp in my garden all the time' people don't do it in the conditions we currently have.

I wouldn’t camp in Devon in April let alone the highlands.

Thanks all for your input.

Told them today I’m not going 😝 partner can if they want I’ll be enjoying my snuggly warm bed.

answer some questions
1- There are, of course, local airbnbs etc however because we thought we were staying with host we didn’t book them. This coincides with school Easter holidays so now they are fully booked or crazy expensive.

2- similar thing with camper van rental. While it’s a good suggestion I feel salty about having to fork out significant money last minute to go somewhere I don’t even really want to go. The idea about staying in the family homes of the people staying there was a good one, but ultimately I’m feeling quite zen in saying “fuck this shit.” 🧘 running around like idiots to accommodate others, with kids at night because they want to get pissed?
No thanks. The hosts have made their priorities clear. It has been noted.

3- we would be expected to bring our own tent etc. we have one but not to that level of coldness.

4- some posters suggested I or partner don’t have a backbone. I really just came here to get a general idea of other people’s thoughts on this because I feel like partners family are gaslighting us a bit. My initial reaction was “fuck no” and I was vocal about this but they were so shocked and surprised it’s made me second guess myself. When in fact it’s totally fucking normal to not want to sleep in a damn garden tent in march 😝 my backbone is fine!

5- some one asked about the relationship between partner and host - it is formal AF! I would tell my own family to piss off if they suggested sleeping in the garden and we would all laugh but their family dynamic is weird and awkward and ick.

to concur - fuck that shit. I’m staying home 😃

Also to camp in Scotland this time of year you would need some very good kit. DH has all the gear - expensive tent and sleeping bags that he took up Kilimanjaro and he still wouldn't camp this time of year out of choice.

Are they providing a tent and sleeping bag I wonder?

But saying no thanks is not rude as the offer has changed.

Oh sorry cross post OP.
Yes stay at home and use the money saved on petrol to buy extra Easter Eggs ! They sound weird AF.

It's ok if it causes speculation, gossipers are going to gossip. I wouldn't go, I don't camp unless it's for my livelihood.

It reminds me of the time i was visiting my dad. He had been talking about this camper that he bought and was doing up as a spare bedroom - they're in a 1 bed bungalow. I arrived tired, in need of a shower, and on my period, to what was basically a not very nice shed. The door had been open all day as he'd been working on the toilet, it functioned but no shower, and the room was full of midges. I felt awful, he'd worked so hard, but equally how could he think this was ok. I apologise profusely and used my period as an excuse and went to a hotel.

to concur - fuck that shit. I’m staying home

Excellent choice OP! How has your DP taken the news?

Excellent decision OP.

Although, tbf, anything else and I'd have thought you were insane. I'm in Fife so miles further south and woke up to a super hard Frost this morning. Car needed scraping.

I bet if your partner does go, he won't be in the tent. Not overnight. They'll find him on the kitchen floor with his back up against the wall for warmth....

Good decision. What did your partner say?

I can't believe all the posters making up convoluted excuses to get out of going.

I don't sleep in tents. That's non-negotiable. Especially given the location and time of year but frankly that's irrelevant because I wouldn't do it in summer either. That's a decent reason in itself to say no!

Well done. Was previously reluctant to fess up but we went camping in Scotland August bank holiday one year and pitched the tent in hailstones.. I took a video.. Shame I can't upload it here... I bloody love camping but not being told to do so post party by some cf hosts I wouldn't!! Make sure you post list of cosy FB pics on the night!!