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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not wanting to sleep in the garden

292 replies

Captaincarnoustie · 15/03/2024 19:07

Sounds a bit obvious when you put it like that 🤣 but opinions welcome. Being intentionally vague on age genders etc as SIL is on Mumsnet.

YABU - suck it up and sleep in the damn tent
YANBU - the only thing I like to bring camping is a hotel room

We’re a mixed family but have been together a while (5years) and we have a big family get together coming up over Easter hols and it’s myself, partner, and a bio kid each, attending. Hosted by my partners parents.

Lots of family coming from a very drivable distance but we are not - at least 3h drive one way and it’s very rural so no airbnbs etc nearby we have always just stayed over at the hosts house and it’s been good.

we got told today that because “older family members are coming over and they want to drink and have to take priority” we have to set up a tent in the garden instead of having an actual bed, hot water etc. I’m thinking … nope 👎 That sounds like my personal definition of hell, and just no. I am just keen to make our polite excuses, however partner thinks we should still go.

I’ve suggested they go themselves but they think it would cause “drama and speculation” about our relationship if they go and I don’t (tbf it would) and offend them if we decline because they told us about this months ago.

AIBU?

OP posts:
DodgeDoggie · 15/03/2024 23:06

It’s only manageable if they run an electric lead to an oil filled heater in the tent. And you all had hot water bottles.

ACuriousHare · 15/03/2024 23:06

They rate their attraction as hosts very highly, don't they, to think that you would risk freezing to death for the pleasure of their company.

Sparsely · 15/03/2024 23:09

I wouldn't worry about offending them. They obviously aren't that bothered about offending you. Just say thank you for the offer but March is not a suitable month for camping as there's still a high probability of snow. Most UK campsites don't open til May. SO you'll be sitting out the get together this year.

Bramblesblackberry · 15/03/2024 23:10

Can you hire a caravan?

Moveoverdarlin · 15/03/2024 23:15

I’d either not go, or stay in the nearest pub or hotel. Even if the nearest Travelodge was an hour away, I’d do that. They’re hosting but don’t have the means to actually host. Asking people to sleep in the garden in fucking March is bordering on offensive. Or I’d arrive early on the Saturday, spend all day with them, then head off at 5pm to somewhere lovely on your way back home, stay there and make a weekend of it with just your family. You’ve shown your faces, said happy Easter, then you can clear off and make it a nice weekend.

Copperoliverbear · 15/03/2024 23:17

Why are you even going, you said you don't want to spend money on something you don't want to do, so don't go. If you husband wants to go let him sleep in a tent.

MrsOvertonsWindow · 15/03/2024 23:17

Of course it's unacceptable to invite you for Easter and then tell you you've to put up a tent in the garden. You're not 12. It's insulting

What DH should have said is "No - of course we're not sleeping in a tent in the garden in March. We'll skip this Easter and meet up another time when there's room for us to stay".

They changed the arrangements and you're just giving them feedback that it's not acceptable. If DH is unable to cope with saying no, that then let him go and face the speculation and you and child have a lovely Easter doing some fun things at home.

Wrongsideofpennines · 15/03/2024 23:25

I'm a camping person and even I would say no to this. Based on tonight's forecast there's a good possibility that it will get below freezing and therefore not suitable for you to camp - particularly with children. Even if they set the tent up for you and they put actual mattresses in there for you to sleep on its still going to be too cold. Presumably also your kids will go to bed before you and with just them in a tent likely too cold to sleep so you'll get no evening too.

I would be honest with them and say you are not coming because there is no room for you to stay.

Perihelion · 15/03/2024 23:25

The only positive about camping at Easter is that there won't be any midges 😂
Just no. I went to stay with a pal in the Highlands (indoors) at Easter, a few years ago. First day, on the beach enjoying the sun. The next day woke up to snow

Elephantsareace · 15/03/2024 23:26

I camp a few times a year, including Easter, in southern England. I have good equipment but I'm feeling a bit nervous about such an early one this year. In previous early years there's been snow and hailstones. Night temps down to -9 or so in my tent. I'm stoic about it as I want to be there, but it's hard. Fuck doing that in the Highlands even in a mild March. They are either insane or don't want you to go.

waterproofed · 15/03/2024 23:27

ZoeyBartlett · 15/03/2024 19:13

Hire a camper van/ motor home for the weekend? Warm and comfy beds. And a toilet.

This!! Awesome idea

KomodoOhno · 15/03/2024 23:33

That would be a nope for me

FrustatedAgain · 15/03/2024 23:36

You will freeze it’s too cold to camp. I wouldn’t camp out until the end of May and have even been cold then. You’re perfectly reasonable saying no thanks.

ScrabbleUnoDobble · 15/03/2024 23:38

I'd come down with D&V the night before. Up to your OH if he has it too!

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/03/2024 23:48

" I am just keen to make our polite excuses, however partner thinks we should still go."
He can still go. Himself.

"I’ve suggested they go themselves but they think it would cause “drama and speculation” about our relationship if they go and I don’t (tbf it would) and offend them if we decline because they told us about this months ago."
Well as my mother always said, 'If they're talking about me, they're leaving some other poor bugger alone'. Let them manufacture drama and speculation, it'll make a change from Coronation Street for them.

And they didn't tell you about 'this' months ago, they told you they expected you to sleep in the garden today.

"Lots of family coming from a very drivable distance"
Would any of the family driving there and driving home again have spare rooms to put you up in? It's the only way I would go. But on the whole, I just wouldn't go. It's a damned fool idea, and deserves to be shot down.

Leeds2 · 15/03/2024 23:52

Tell DP to go with his DC. You stay home. If they want to gossip about your relationship, let them.

hettie · 15/03/2024 23:58

They really are either mad as a box of frogs or incredibly rude. I'm a seasoned camper with very high end kit (think thermal inflated camping mats and down sleeping bags) and there is no way on god's green earth I would be camping the Easter weekend anywhere north of Bordeaux (even that would be a push).
Your husband clearly has never camped or is a total people pleasing wet lettuce. You will be miserable and knackered....

user1492757084 · 15/03/2024 23:59

Look on the bright side.
It could be fun.
We once stayed in a tent like this and we made sure our actual bedding was cosy warm. Blow up mattress, -4 rated sleeping doona and sheets, pillow, extra woollen blanket. It was lovely. For all our worries - I actually loved a sleep-in. Have a bucket with a lid in case of emergencies, two torches with new batteries, wet wipes, snacks, water and if kids are with you make sure they keep socks on and bring a beanie. Look into having a battery heated vest and/or blanket for the kids.

I think it will be fabulous. Ask your DP to set a campfire!! and have sausages and marshmellows for breakfast!!

user1492757084 · 16/03/2024 00:01

Also, you are all family and if it ends up too cold you could bring your sleeping bags into the living room.

Lookingatthesunset · 16/03/2024 00:04

Nothing on god's green earth would induce me to stay in a tent!!!

user1492757084 · 16/03/2024 00:05

Other idea of hiring out a camper van is sweet.
Brain storming ... ask relatives' neighbours or village (via local facebook page) whether anyone would hire out their spare room or let you stay in their house feeding cat while they are away etc. or stay in their caravan. The local Pubs sometimes have rooms.

Teenagehorrorbag · 16/03/2024 00:06

Can't believe so many people have voted YABU......??

Definitely get your partner to tell their parents that this is not on. Do they really want to go regardless? With their DC or both DCs? They need to tell their parents that you are not sleeping in a tent (and ideally none of you would) and that is why you are not going.

If your partner really wants to go then that's their choice, but you really don't need to feel obliged to go and I hope they realise that? You're not being unsupportive or selfish, just that this is a totally unreasonable scenario! Good luck!

InWalksBarberalla · 16/03/2024 00:09

user1492757084 · 15/03/2024 23:59

Look on the bright side.
It could be fun.
We once stayed in a tent like this and we made sure our actual bedding was cosy warm. Blow up mattress, -4 rated sleeping doona and sheets, pillow, extra woollen blanket. It was lovely. For all our worries - I actually loved a sleep-in. Have a bucket with a lid in case of emergencies, two torches with new batteries, wet wipes, snacks, water and if kids are with you make sure they keep socks on and bring a beanie. Look into having a battery heated vest and/or blanket for the kids.

I think it will be fabulous. Ask your DP to set a campfire!! and have sausages and marshmellows for breakfast!!

Who is paying for all this camping gear - decent tent, air mattresses, thermal bedding? For one night..

Teenagehorrorbag · 16/03/2024 00:11

And why is everyone talking about Op's partner as being 'him' and 'husband'? They could be a same sex couple or OP could be the man, or other permutations. I know we like to give men a bad rap on here (often justifiably.....Grin) but it's probably best to avoid making assumptions........

user1492757084 · 16/03/2024 00:24

Sorry, I assumed the tent would be provided and already put up by hosts, as would blankets. BYO pillows and -4 sleeping bags. Many people own a sleeping bag... but I guess if not that could be expensive, true.
A great idea I read here is to sleep at the house of the oldies while they, tipsy, sleep at the party.

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