Page 10 | AIBU for not wanting to sleep in the garden

Captaincarnoustie · 2024-03-15T19:07:24+00:00

Sounds a bit obvious when you put it like that 🤣 but opinions welcome. Being intentionally vague on age genders etc as SIL is on Mumsnet. YABU - suck it up and sleep in the damn tent YANBU - the only thing I like to bring camping is a hotel room We’re a mixed family but have been together a while (5years) and we have a big family get together coming up over Easter hols and it’s myself, partner, and a bio kid each, attending. Hosted by my partners parents. Lots of family coming from a very drivable distance but we are not - at least 3h drive one way and it’s very rural so no airbnbs etc nearby we have always just stayed over at the hosts house and it’s been good. we got told today that because “older family members are coming over and they want to drink and have to take priority” we have to set up a tent in the garden instead of having an actual bed, hot water etc. I’m thinking … nope 👎 That sounds like my personal definition of hell, and just no. I am just keen to make our polite excuses, however partner thinks we should still go. I’ve suggested they go themselves but they think it would cause “drama and speculation” about our relationship if they go and I don’t (tbf it would) and offend them if we decline because they told us about this months ago. AIBU?

Ulysees · 16/03/2024 09:26

gannett · 16/03/2024 09:13

I can't believe all the posters making up convoluted excuses to get out of going.

I don't sleep in tents. That's non-negotiable. Especially given the location and time of year but frankly that's irrelevant because I wouldn't do it in summer either. That's a decent reason in itself to say no!

Same I wouldn't be making up excuses but I do tent camp in normal weather. I'm pleased OP came to the right decision.

TruthorDie · 16/03/2024 09:27

This is hilarious; you are to sleeping in the garden so people who live close by cab have a drink. Zero chance of me doing this and l don’t expect you to. They drive back or sleep in the garden if it’s that great. Personally l work too hard (full time) and haven’t slept well for well over a year (toddler twins) for this nonsense

6pence · 16/03/2024 09:28

What is dh going to do? I’d be worried about him taking the kids as I’d be worried about them getting cold. But I suppose they could move into the house and sleep on the floor if they are that cold!

Would dh have the backbone to stand up for them if they are miserable?

MrsOvertonsWindow · 16/03/2024 09:31

Well done OP. Have a lovely Easter and treat yourself to something especially nice

Changedforthetoday · 16/03/2024 09:37

Captaincarnoustie · 16/03/2024 08:42

Thanks all for your input.

Told them today I’m not going 😝 partner can if they want I’ll be enjoying my snuggly warm bed.

answer some questions
1- There are, of course, local airbnbs etc however because we thought we were staying with host we didn’t book them. This coincides with school Easter holidays so now they are fully booked or crazy expensive.

2- similar thing with camper van rental. While it’s a good suggestion I feel salty about having to fork out significant money last minute to go somewhere I don’t even really want to go. The idea about staying in the family homes of the people staying there was a good one, but ultimately I’m feeling quite zen in saying “fuck this shit.” 🧘 running around like idiots to accommodate others, with kids at night because they want to get pissed?
No thanks. The hosts have made their priorities clear. It has been noted.

3- we would be expected to bring our own tent etc. we have one but not to that level of coldness.

4- some posters suggested I or partner don’t have a backbone. I really just came here to get a general idea of other people’s thoughts on this because I feel like partners family are gaslighting us a bit. My initial reaction was “fuck no” and I was vocal about this but they were so shocked and surprised it’s made me second guess myself. When in fact it’s totally fucking normal to not want to sleep in a damn garden tent in march 😝 my backbone is fine!

5- some one asked about the relationship between partner and host - it is formal AF! I would tell my own family to piss off if they suggested sleeping in the garden and we would all laugh but their family dynamic is weird and awkward and ick.

to concur - fuck that shit. I’m staying home 😃

Well done you! Hurrah for common sense and not bending under unreasonable family pressure!

TruthorDie · 16/03/2024 09:40

Just read the update. Have a nice relaxing Easter!

Shinyandnew1 · 16/03/2024 09:41

Captaincarnoustie · 16/03/2024 08:42

Thanks all for your input.

Told them today I’m not going 😝 partner can if they want I’ll be enjoying my snuggly warm bed.

answer some questions
1- There are, of course, local airbnbs etc however because we thought we were staying with host we didn’t book them. This coincides with school Easter holidays so now they are fully booked or crazy expensive.

2- similar thing with camper van rental. While it’s a good suggestion I feel salty about having to fork out significant money last minute to go somewhere I don’t even really want to go. The idea about staying in the family homes of the people staying there was a good one, but ultimately I’m feeling quite zen in saying “fuck this shit.” 🧘 running around like idiots to accommodate others, with kids at night because they want to get pissed?
No thanks. The hosts have made their priorities clear. It has been noted.

3- we would be expected to bring our own tent etc. we have one but not to that level of coldness.

4- some posters suggested I or partner don’t have a backbone. I really just came here to get a general idea of other people’s thoughts on this because I feel like partners family are gaslighting us a bit. My initial reaction was “fuck no” and I was vocal about this but they were so shocked and surprised it’s made me second guess myself. When in fact it’s totally fucking normal to not want to sleep in a damn garden tent in march 😝 my backbone is fine!

5- some one asked about the relationship between partner and host - it is formal AF! I would tell my own family to piss off if they suggested sleeping in the garden and we would all laugh but their family dynamic is weird and awkward and ick.

to concur - fuck that shit. I’m staying home 😃

Excellent-what did they reply?

What is your DH going to do?

Well done!

Snugglemonkey · 16/03/2024 09:57

SleepingStandingUp · 15/03/2024 20:26

Suck it up. You have hot water inside for hot water bottles, and a shower in the morning. A car to load with bedding. Blanket on the floor, then air beds, then blanket, then sleeping bags and extra blankets if needed.

Fuck that. It will still be freezing. Have you been in the Highlands in April? There may well be snow. Camping in such weather requires specialist kit. It is not just a regular tent affair. And to faff with that after the drive etc?

No way!

zingally · 16/03/2024 09:57

If I was going to arrive to find the tent all set up for me, I suppose I'd give it a go, and try and make an adventure of it. But it wouldn't be high up my list of "fun times" tbh.
If it turns out to be "drive 3 hours, bring all your own bedding etc, THEN put up a tent," then I'm afraid I'd be noping out of that. How rural is it though that there isn't even a BnB or a Travelodge in a 30min radius??

pavedwithgoodintentions · 16/03/2024 10:00

ultimately I’m feeling quite zen in saying “fuck this shit.” 🧘 running around like idiots to accommodate others, with kids at night because they want to get pissed?
No thanks. The hosts have made their priorities clear. It has been noted.

100%
Good for you for putting your foot down, OP.
Your partner can crack on and take the kids with him and sort it all if he thinks his family is being reasonable. Stay home and enjoy the comfort and peace of your own bed.

HotChocolateNotCocoa · 16/03/2024 10:09

How rural is it though that there isn't even a BnB or a Travelodge in a 30min radius??

This has been covered many times.

Baldieheid · 16/03/2024 10:09

zingally · 16/03/2024 09:57

If I was going to arrive to find the tent all set up for me, I suppose I'd give it a go, and try and make an adventure of it. But it wouldn't be high up my list of "fun times" tbh.
If it turns out to be "drive 3 hours, bring all your own bedding etc, THEN put up a tent," then I'm afraid I'd be noping out of that. How rural is it though that there isn't even a BnB or a Travelodge in a 30min radius??

Look at Google earth map of the Highlands of Scotland. Whole lot of land with no towns. Poor roads, often single track with passing places, and that wind their way round all those picturesque mountains we have up here. 2 miles by the crow, but 18 miles by road, etc.

As for the weather...Our friends from Gairloch went into Inverness to do their Christmas shopping in November 2010 and got home in February 2011.

Some of you are so fucking sheltered in the Shire....

TheCatterall · 16/03/2024 10:20

I might have given it a go if they were setting up a luxury yurt style accommodation with proper beds and a log burner and had a downstairs toilet we could easily access through the night and all kids were over the age of 5.

but bring your own tent. Nahhh.

Tempnamechng · 16/03/2024 10:22

Ha ha, I'm glad you are staying at home op, absolutely stuff that!
It'll be heaven, home alone with the sofa to yourself with a nice bottle of wine, a film, the fire going and a big fluffy blanket.🍾

rookiemere · 16/03/2024 10:28

6pence · 16/03/2024 09:28

What is dh going to do? I’d be worried about him taking the kids as I’d be worried about them getting cold. But I suppose they could move into the house and sleep on the floor if they are that cold!

Would dh have the backbone to stand up for them if they are miserable?

I read it as he would only be taking his own DC not OPs.

If he isn't capable of advocating for the comfort of his own DC, then he really shouldn't be allowed custody.

EnragedHobbyist · 16/03/2024 10:42

I’d suggest you could go if the hosts take the tent and you can have their room.

CadyEastman · 16/03/2024 11:00

EnragedHobbyist · 16/03/2024 10:42

I’d suggest you could go if the hosts take the tent and you can have their room.

Perfect suggestion. I'm guessing though that they might not be as keen on camping if they're the ones actually having to do it

morbidd · 16/03/2024 11:00

Thank god you aren't going!

mn29 · 16/03/2024 11:04

Big fat no from me. The people being unreasonable are the people who expect you to sleep in a tent in the garden.

HereForTheFreeLunch · 16/03/2024 11:56

3. we would be expected to bring our own tent etc.

Fuck that shit indeed!

PeopleGetSoAngry · 16/03/2024 12:37

Well done OP, I'm an avid camper (in the height of summer) but March in Scotland would be a very definite 'no' from me, and their reasoning seems very unfair. You made the right choice.

Newestname002 · 16/03/2024 12:51

@Captaincarnoustie

Told them today I’m not going 😝 partner can if they want I’ll be enjoying my snuggly warm bed.

Boundary firmly drawn - well done! 👏🏻 👏🏻 Hopefully this will be the first of many future instances where they will not assume you'll take the line of least resistance to not upset other people who are not considering you at all.

At the very least I thought they'd both supply and erect the tent, provide you with adequate liners and bedding, heat sources etc but you were also expected to do all that (would your car even have been big enough to carry that?) after a long drive. They've shown you what they think of you so yah! Boo! to them! Enjoy your own, comfy space in your own warm house and let them get on with it - including your partner if he goes along with it. 🍷 🌹

Shelby1981 · 16/03/2024 16:27

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 16/03/2024 06:30

The local family should go home and not sleep over, how selfish can sonebody be. Alcohol should not be more imprtant than peoples comfort.

THIS!!

Willmafrockfit · 16/03/2024 17:20

Shelby1981 · 16/03/2024 16:27

THIS!!

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i agree

moonfacer · 16/03/2024 17:46

Let us know their reaction, OP!