Slept with a friend. Now I've got the massive ick. Help!

[cherylbarket]

Slept with my long-time male best friend.

Got the ick massively after sex.

Now he's messaging me incessantly, even after I told him I was too busy to chat (which is true). He's always been needy but I've been able to brush it off.

Now every time he texts me (about 1000 times a day whether I reply or not)....I basically want to hurl my phone into the sea.

Wth do I do??? If he was just a random person I'd be able to tell him I was no longer interested, but this guy is (was???) my friend and I know my coldness is hurtful.

3rd hand ick here too!!

Ah, the plot thickens.

I have my doubts that a "friendship" can occur between a heterosexual man and a woman when one of them REALLY wants to f-uck the other one but the other one doesn't. Are you "friends" because you have things in common that enjoy doing together or are you "friends" with him/her hoping she/he will change and things get romantic.

I feel sorry for your "friend" but I suspect he was hanging out with you because he had high hopes, and he was right, but now he's in for some massive deception. I feel a bit sorry for this guy.

op will deny

but the parallels are so obvious

Suspect you're right @beatrix1234 , the friendship is unbalanced so doesn't really have a future.
Priority should be letting him know where he stands as kindly as possible.

FunnyFinch
you posted before
you were going to cut off the friendship because he was still with his girlfriend

Ah.

Strange friendship, isn't it? Wanting to cut your friend off because he has a girlfriend. Now why would that be in OP's case I wonder, if he's just a friend?

There's a cautionary tale in there somewhere.

This has toxic friendship with low boundaries written all over it. Hopefully his girlfriend's run a mile away from these 2.

How do you know it is the same person, since this thread is the only one by this user?

name change

very common

The friendship is definitely over. It cannot survive now in any form.

Tell him he's rubbish at sex. If that doesn't put him off you, nothing will.

These are my thoughts too.

In all honesty I would think that your friendship is probably over now . Sex massively complicates things anyway and the fact that he clearly wants more and you don’t , means that it won’t ever be a friendship for him . I would be honest with him about how you feel and sadly have to accept that it probably did ruin the friendship and take it as a learning curve and keep friends as friends in future x

Devil’s Advocate here, don’t get mad! Are you sure you’re not getting the ick just because he’s your friend and you’re nervous about what happened/nervous about the future?

I only ask because you wouldn’t want to miss out just because the nerves have set in.

Otherwise, just let him know you’d rather just be mates. Good luck!

Are you the same poster who’s friend is autistic and had over-planned the first time you slept together?

Oh dear, oxytocin has been released and now he has imprinted on you like a little duckling🐥

@CrispFanatic have you missed the bit about his terrible behaviour during sex? Ick

I saw it. I’m just the sort of person who likes to consider all angles.

I would be shocked if you don’t hear from him again today! But I would say that if this is the catalyst to ending the friendship it might be the silver lining to a regrettable episode. He’s obviously making you feel uncomfortable, and at times in the past too and there are better friendships out there than this one.

Yes, he's texting her incessantly

@CrispFanatic would you say the same if your daughter told you a man had behaved like this in bed with her?

Oh crikey this is bringing back unpleasant flashbacks for me. I was utterly repulsed by a friend after sleeping with him and he took a pincer like grip to me. It was unfortunate as I had genuinely enjoyed our friendship before that.

I hope you have a better outcome than I did. I ended up hating him. He would not bloody drop it even after I 'ended things' very clearly. He just pursued me relentlessly in a 'you're my special friend and nobody else can have you if I can't' way.

I slept with a friend (his instigation), the friendship didn't survive. I was gutted as I actually valued the friendship and did my damndest to avoid doing anything like that.

You could have said no?

Mine was exactly the same. We were best friends for years and always joked that if we were still single at a certain age we’d end up with each other. I valued the friendship but we ended up sworn enemies after it. He contacted me on LinkedIn when he got married and said his wife had suggested he extend the olive branch to me. I mentioned something despicable he’d said to me (nothing to do with the friendship ending but I’d minimised it at the time) he swore blind he’d never said that, but I knew he had done. I then cut contact. I can’t be doing with mind games.

If anyone told you repeatedly that you liked something, even though you didn't, you would be fine with it?

Doesn't matter if it's sex, a pop group or a bowl of brussels sprouts, having your feelings dismissed repeatedly is definitely not okay (and then add that to the multiple texts a day despite OP saying stop). Nothing to do with nerves 🙄