Slept with a friend. Now I've got the massive ick. Help!

[cherylbarket]

Slept with my long-time male best friend.

Got the ick massively after sex.

Now he's messaging me incessantly, even after I told him I was too busy to chat (which is true). He's always been needy but I've been able to brush it off.

Now every time he texts me (about 1000 times a day whether I reply or not)....I basically want to hurl my phone into the sea.

Wth do I do??? If he was just a random person I'd be able to tell him I was no longer interested, but this guy is (was???) my friend and I know my coldness is hurtful.

I think you need to tell him that you'll block him if he continues to act the way he does.

I've just done this. He was very respectful in response and apologised. I'm hoping he sticks to it though.

OP said

He's otherwise actually a very kind and considerate person, which is how I ended up sleeping with him.

Agree entirely with this.
you don’t even seem to like him much as a person - what’s this friendship really based on?? He is just harassing you.
i think you need to be honest with him and make your stance very very clear. His behaviour is borderline creepy imo.

All this ‘poor man’ nonsense on here is laughable.

So, you are concerned about his feelings while he is ignoring yours?

Texting you 9 times after you've said you are busy shows zero respect for your personal space, your work ethic, your time. It's just what he needs. Nothing to do with what you need.

Personally I would try to find a way to distance myself permanently. He sounds needy and quite creepy. It's in his best interests as well as yours to end the friendship, or he will cling to the hope of a relationship by the sound of it.

I had something similar ish many years ago when my best male friend declared his undying love for me (we didn’t/hadn’t had sex). I was mortified as didn’t fancy him in the lease. I made up some lie about not wanting to change the friendship but it pretty much ended there. I was in my 20s then but I’m not sure I’d have handled it any better now tbh. I’d say this friendship cannot continue as he’s obviously been harbouring feelings for you. If he says he can still be friends with you I’d say it’s because he can’t let go. You need to end whatever this is as kindly but firmly as you can. He won’t stop wanting you if you’re in his life I’m afraid. Good luck

no way say it's a mistake. that is so cold. it clearly wasn't a mistake because OP consented to it. just say your not interested in a relationship but you want to stay friends. that's it.

Were you drunk or high?
Really foolish to cross that boundary.

He won’t. He might toe the line for a few weeks or months but your friendship is over and insisting on staying in touch will lead to nothing good whatsoever. Anyway, said my piece…

Oh lordy, I have the ick for him now as well

2nd hand ick

Oh gosh please tell him. I ended up in an 18 month relationship after similar situation as I just couldn't use my words and say I wasn't feeling it and then he was just too nice and I couldn't see why I wouldn't want to be with him even though I didn't so persuaded myself I did.

He obviously has always had a crush on you, to you, he was friendzoned. I have a situation with someone like that. I distanced myself because of this. He still messages me from time to time. The kindest thing would be to drop him. Otherwise he will always hope.

I don’t see that either of you can be getting much that is healthy from this relationship. I’m not sure it would be in either of your interests to try to go back to a friendship. It sounds like he is pining after you and the kindest thing would be to let him go.

Yes, think of the other women you will save from having to go through that ordeal.

Sadly it took the Barbie movie for men to realise that 99% of us DO NOT want to be sung to with a stupid guitar. We have put up with that embarrassment for YEARS, thinking we were the only ones who hated it, and having to sit there with a "how long before this is over" pained expression on our faces. At least it made having a smear test more bearable though, and more enjoyable in comparison.

This is our next fight ladies!!! Gird up your loins, pick up that battle flag and don't let this dreadfulness carry on, I beg you!!!

Message him this:

Ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiippp

Guess what that noise is...?

My vagina zipping firmly shut. Never to be opened again.

@cherylbarket your feelings matter just as much as his do and he is boundary stomping all over you.

He doesn't sound like a good friend. He sounds like a needy man-child pushing and pushing to get what he wants until you are worn down and just give in.

I'd be rethinking the friendship overall.

It's okay to text him that you need some space and don't want to be contacted for a few days. Up to you if he then crosses the line AGAIN and ignores you on where you go from there.

So much this. You need to end the relationship properly and fast. He’s not and never has been your friend, he has always had a massive crush on you and now you’ve had sex you can never be real friends.

Sounds as if you didn’t like him in any way before the ‘ick’ anyway. Cut him loose.

Totally agree. You need to be very very straight with him but I agree, this friendship is over.

The friendship is over.
Were you drunk when you slept together by any chance?
I’d be worried he’d try to take advantage anytime you were drinking /alone together in future, as his attitude to sex is creepy / worrying

Shouldn't have done it. You've ruined a friendship.

Given that you were already irritated by his neediness and pestering on a regular basis even before you slept with him, this actually sounds like an ideal opportunity to end the friendship entirely.

I'm sure the OP realises that she made a mistake. But it isn't her who has ruined the friendship, it's him, by his behaviour during and after the sex.

...also, why is it always the woman's fault when unplanned / unwise sex occurs?

This.

He has been in love with you for ages, which is why he's manoeuvred himself to best friend status, but no doubt has always wanted more.

Not sure how you've never noticed to be honest.

And now you've had sex with him, he can't help but feel like he's in a loving relationship with you now.

He is going to be devastated that this isn't the case. That's not your problem. Your friendship is over. He'll move on eventually.

You will need to be 100% clear with him, doubly-so given his infatuation. It may take a while to shake him off.