Slept with a friend. Now I've got the massive ick. Help!

[cherylbarket]

Slept with my long-time male best friend.

Got the ick massively after sex.

Now he's messaging me incessantly, even after I told him I was too busy to chat (which is true). He's always been needy but I've been able to brush it off.

Now every time he texts me (about 1000 times a day whether I reply or not)....I basically want to hurl my phone into the sea.

Wth do I do??? If he was just a random person I'd be able to tell him I was no longer interested, but this guy is (was???) my friend and I know my coldness is hurtful.

Which part of what this man is doing sounds like love to you, though? He doesn’t sound loving to me at all.

If hes not respecting your boundaries, which most normal people would take the hint after 5 times of you actually stating them, then you need to take action and block... feel for you its a him problem how he reacts

@JacquesHarlow, I am posting a (relatively) non-serious dilemma on a forum full of strangers, not giving my medical history to a doctor.

I thought "ick" worked to get my point across without having to go into details about sex that I didn't really want to disclose.

Then I’d send one more message, saying exactly that. Say that you’ve always found the messaging stressful when you’re busy, but you have asked him to respect your boundaries and he simply hasn’t. Say that clearly you view the recent meeting quite differently and that you’d be happy to remain friends, and nothing more, but you suspect that isn’t what he’s hoping for. Say you won’t be replying to messages today as you’re working.
Be careful though as he sounds a bit stalkery.

I think you’re going to have to be blunt with him.

“Listen, we aren’t Chandler and Monica. In fact, sleeping with you has completely changed how I feel about you/our relationship, and not in a good way. I need some time and space now. Please don’t message me unless I message you. Your messages are overwhelming and not making me want go continue our friendship.”

Do you want to remain friends? If you've been turned off him even as a friend by the way he's behaved then you don't have to.

You mean she would have helped you massively. Most people understood what OP means by ‘ick’ and don’t need OP to disclose personal info.

You probably need to learn a bit more about what ‘ick’ means.

Of course it’s unreasonable to assume they love you! Your ideas of friendship and relationships are so weird.

And OP has communicated boundaries (see below), he just steps all over them. This guy does not love her, she’s a thing to him that he wants to own.

On the contrary, I've told him perhaps 6 or 7 times over the course of our friendship that I find the fact he chases me up very very stressful.

If you've told him to stop texting you and he's still doing it, block his number?

Well,"ick" to get your point over. It means feeling nauseous,used by toddlers to explain why they don't like vegetables!! See it a lot on MN, only ever heard it from little kids in real life.

@JacquesHarlow how would she have helped herself massively, when the ONLY person asking her to be specific about the ick is you?

You wanted the details to be nosy, nothing else.

It's shit isn't it? I've had a similar situation: a really nice man who I met at work. He was kind to me and helped me at my job. I liked him but didn't fancy him (that much, I mean I definitely could have done, but it would have been a slow burn). I gave him a chance, we went out, he was nice! And initially I thought I've had so many dates with men I fancy like mad, but who are absolute shits. So a nice man who liked me more than I liked him seemed like a good idea. But he kept just being so pushy after I ended it, after 3 weeks. I nicely declined the incessant offers of coffee when I didn't want to see him.any more (after telling him I didn't wish to date any more obviously) in the end, I told him I had a new boyfriend, which was a lie. I hate that because saying I don't want to see you any more should be enough. But, males don't respect that and think you can be "won" back. If you say you're with someone else they respect male authority. It's kind of disgusting the way men are. But if you want to be free of him say you're seeing someone new and out of respect can't meet up.with him anymore x

Fuck me, how helpful is this? Pick, pick, pick. It's not OP's problem if you don't understand standard MN slang, used elsewhere widely also.

You're not being fair OP. The poor buggers probably wondering what's gone wrong. You need to have a conversation with him. Don't just ghost because you think you're telepathic.

So if he has always been a bit needy and demanding, what on earth possessed you to sleep with him?

This here.

Toddlers use ‘icky’, ‘the ick’ is for adults, and not just on MN.

https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/the-ick-meaning

I know it’s a bit late now but why on earth did you sleep with him? (Rhetorical question). It sounds like you were already irritated with all the chasing and neediness long before it happened so didn’t anything tell you it would explode after?

You’ll just have to be straight with him. Tell him you don’t want to be in a romantic/physical relationship with him and distance yourself from him.

He's probably not your friend. He's probably one of those men who think if they are 'nice' to a woman they are owed sex.

Have you read all of OPs posts? This man is harassing her, he’s a grown adult, not a teenager and is behaving extremely inappropriately. He’s not a poor bugger, he’s a pest.

He's probably gone over sleeping with you in his head a million times.

He needs to be told before the flowers start showing up at your house. Put him out of his misery

Yes but as far as his concerned he's in there because nothing has been said otherwise. It's not fair to just sleep with someone and then ghost them. How many times have we seen it from women on here on the receiving end?

I agree with this, but I think I'd knock the friendship on the head and block him. I think going forward, he'll always irriate you, and he'll always be hoping for something more. Plus, you'll probably get flashbacks and the ick every time you see him. I'd get the ick, too, to be honest.

You’re an adult. Be honest.

Say: His behaviour makes you uncomfortable. The night together was a mistake (you need to own this tbh - you knew what he was like and slept with him anyway) and will not be repeated. You hope that in time (if you do) you can be friends. But for now he needs to give you space and not message/call you. If he continues you will block him.

Then stand by that and block him.

Ultimately though, he is going to ignore your requests for space. So you’ll just have to block him. Which, tbh, hardly feels like a loss…

Fuck me, how helpful is this? Pick, pick, pick. It's not OP's problem if you don't understand standard MN slang, used elsewhere widely also

I disagree- having the ick is fine to use as a phrase but it implies that he's generally a very decent guy but that the OP just doesnt fancy him for some trivial reason and thats all there is to it. Her updates however, portray a very different situation- eg him not respecting her boundaries, him contacting her in an almost stalker fashion AFTER she's already told him not to. My opinion of him changed massively after her updates. I now think he is the unreasonable one, not the OP