To have said no to this mum?

[mamabeeboo]

DD, 3yo has a best friend at nursery, who also lives close by to us. I've spoken with the mum here and there on pick up, general friendly chit-chat about the traffic, the weather, potty training etc. she seems friendly enough. She recently got a new job.

I have two other DC, including an 8 month old who's not the best sleeper. DCs know to stay in bed until 8am so I can rest as much as I can before the school run, and a long day of work. (DH works 6am-2pm so he's already out of the house), so it's just me trying to be on time for school which starts at 8.45am and rush to work at 9am.

I missed her call, but she texted me asking if she could drop off her DD at ours each Monday at 7.15am, as she needs to be at work at 8am. She's happy to pick up DD and drop her home after school in exchange. I said no, with the reasons above, but am now starting to feel bad, what if she has no other alternative, what if she has to turn down the job, it's only 1 day a week etc.

Another part of me thinks that I have 3 kids to deal with, without a 4th arriving before we are even awake, and having to entertain her DD for 1hr 30 mins before school starts, every Monday?!

AIBU?
YABU - I should just do a favour
YANBU - I have enough on my plate

Is a perfectly reasonable response.

Going against the grain here but an hour less in bed one morning a week in return for not having to go out in rush hour traffic later on? I’d jump at the chance!
as long as her dd is low maintenance/ well behaved anyway. Could you trial it for a few weeks?

Good for you for saying no. These sort of arrangements never end well.

I actually think it’s a bit much for her to ask when you have 3 of your own. I know that scenario, having done it myself for years with my much younger cousins. Don’t feel guilty, it’s not your problem.

Stop calling someone lazy because they do things differently to you. Your way isn't the right way, it's your way. She didn't ask for opinions on her alarm clock time

No. My DS doesn’t get up until the last minute. I get everything else done in that small space in the morning. You need that time for rest, with a small baby.

Oh you’ve 100% ruined any opportunities to ask for favours from her at any time in the future. But if you don’t want to do her any favours you can’t expect anything in return.
She wasn’t cheeky to ask. Reciprocal childcare is the norm at my children’s school. Saved me an absolute fortune in wrap around care over the years

It's not your problem to sort.

You have a baby, a 3 year old, and a primary child of your own to sort single-handedly. Your are not going to take on someone else's 3 year old to add to the mix in your chaotic mornings ... let alone the car seat issues.

Be polite, but make it clear you are not an option here as your plate is already overflowing in the mornings.

My partner leaves the house at between 5.45-6 long before my daughter is awake! I'm in an almost identical situation as the "lazy bones"

How does it take you 1.5 hours to shower, dress and make breakfast? Maybe you're well slow. Leave the OP alone.

Errmm you can completely have a reciprocal arrangement for emergencies and the odd favour no issues WITHOUT agreeing to a permanent nightmare arrangement every week at that time in the morning! Its what most people have - not free childcare.

Dont fret op, that type of mother always badgering others for ‘favours’ will most certainly be back. They always are. Freeloading. I would make plans with another mother that is more genuine and will fit around the Adhoc arrangement that would best suit you. I would avoid mothers like this, before you know it you will be stuck with her constantly looking for help and childcare. Run for the hills and save yourself the stress. It funnily enough always works to their advantage- not yours.

You sound like you need to leaf out of OP's book for your time management skills.
No one needs to get up an hour and a half before their kids to sort out breakfast.

I can’t believe you lie in until 5:30, you are so lazy and setting a poor example to your children. How will they ever excel in life when they grow up in a family with no work ethic and no ambition?

Im up at 3am to do a workout, meditate, clean the whole house and cook a nutritious organic breakfast for my husband and 6 children ( including my one year old twins).

Then I set up for home schooling, which is quite a lot of work as my 14 year old is sitting her A levels this year ( predicted A A A A ). But I manage to squeeze in my pin money job as the CEO of a Fortune 500 company.

And of course daily visits to the spa to keep my hair, skin, nails and flawless tan in tip top condition. I think it’s so important not to let your standards slip, otherwise you only have yourself to blame if your husband looks elsewhere.

I'm sorry, it just doesn't work for us.

Yanbu, I wouldn't take a 3yo even if I was paid. It's a lot of work and that age is just asking for problems.

Isn't your arm aching from polishing that halo so hard?

What a nasty judgemental post.

Dreadful moralising.

You were not unreasonable at all. I wouldn’t enter any kind of childcare arrangement like that with another Mum (when you have enough on your plate). My friends know ofcourse I would help in a one off emergency etc. What if your kids are ill or there’s another reason you cant have them? She needs to look into alternative childcare or work.

I’m amazed how you get out house in 45 mins! My LO is often up at 6am and even with two of us we seem to struggle to get out before 8am. And I only have 1!

I wouldn’t do any favours for someone who had previously refused favours from me in the past and I 100% disagree with you about ‘those mothers’ I’ve looked after a child one day a week before school for years now which has never been an issue and her mother has done me countless favours after school, full days in school holidays, weekends etc etc. Shes not a CF. She’s a mum who has an early start one day a week before the breakfast club opens and has returned that favour to me countless times over

YANBU. It’s 1.5hr childcare and a lift in exchange for just a lift.

Can’t she just drop hers off at nursery earlier?

I would wonder what happens if you said yes, what would she do in the holidays. Would she then ask you for whole day babysitting? Slippery slope.

I dont agree with the shaming posts at all but in reality, alot of Mums do have to get up well before the kids just to get stuff done before work. I wake up between 5.30/6am every day as dont work from home and its a chance to get stuff done (washing). If I didn’t, it would all be waiting for me after work.

But if 8am works well for the OP, they get to school on time, kids all have a proper breakfast etc, then I dont know why anyone would say she’s lazy. It works for their family.

It's the headspace. You have enough on with your own children without taking on another. 'No' was the right answer.

Absolutely do what works for your family.
When my kids were younger, they would get up the very second they heard me moving about, if they were not already up.
I had to do stuff the night before.