To have said no to this mum?

[mamabeeboo]

DD, 3yo has a best friend at nursery, who also lives close by to us. I've spoken with the mum here and there on pick up, general friendly chit-chat about the traffic, the weather, potty training etc. she seems friendly enough. She recently got a new job.

I have two other DC, including an 8 month old who's not the best sleeper. DCs know to stay in bed until 8am so I can rest as much as I can before the school run, and a long day of work. (DH works 6am-2pm so he's already out of the house), so it's just me trying to be on time for school which starts at 8.45am and rush to work at 9am.

I missed her call, but she texted me asking if she could drop off her DD at ours each Monday at 7.15am, as she needs to be at work at 8am. She's happy to pick up DD and drop her home after school in exchange. I said no, with the reasons above, but am now starting to feel bad, what if she has no other alternative, what if she has to turn down the job, it's only 1 day a week etc.

Another part of me thinks that I have 3 kids to deal with, without a 4th arriving before we are even awake, and having to entertain her DD for 1hr 30 mins before school starts, every Monday?!

AIBU?
YABU - I should just do a favour
YANBU - I have enough on my plate

YANBU to say no but she probably didn't realise how cheeky she was being as 7.15 is a normal time for most parents and kids to be up and about and on with their day. I am
amazed that yours all stay in their rooms/beds until 8am!!! That's so unusual!

She's not lazy at all. It suits her life and children and what you do suits yours. Really unnecessarily ignorant comment, I'm sure your medal is in the post

This is why I have never got involved in any childcare arrangements particularly long term with other family's. Too much to go wrong and you've got your own kids to sort. I had a school mum wanting me to pick her child up when her partner wouldn't as he was too lazy. No chance mate.

She’s not unreasonable to ask, nor are you unreasonable to say no.

It did make me think, however, that is why people complain they have no ‘village’. If we all say no to every request, others are left without help and we in turn have no one to call on when we need a favour.

I think it's unreasonable to ask anyone to commit to this as a weekly arrangement. I think asking for help as a one off is fine but weekly is a huge commitment. I would have said no as well. What happens when your sick or on holiday? Then people forget your doing them a favour and start talking about how you've let them down.

To the pp calling OP lazy. She's not. I'm up at 7:30. 4 kids ready and out the door at 8:30. Each with a packed lunch, breakfast, correct uniform and everything they need teeth brushed and face washed. People have routines that work for them. Just because it seems strange to you doesn't mean it's lazy.

That works for you. My partner is much more efficient in the mornings and is up at that hour.
I am not, plus my disability means mornings are hard and I'm not wired for mornings
I do everything I need for the week on a Sunday and everything I need for the day the night before. This is when my body and brain work best. What takes me 10 minutes in the evening would take an hour in the mornings it's a waste of my time. My partner is the opposite way round so he sorts his stuff out in the morning.
I am able to get up and ready for work and get my daughter to nursery with plenty of time and still get up at 8 on a WFH day. It's not laziness it working to my strengths so that all the jobs that need doing in a 24h period get done. It really doesn't matter if they are done at 5 am or 5pm they just need to be done

... and apart from everything else, what about when your DD is poorly? You still have to drop everything, load your sick child into a car to take the other child?

Of course, like any other sane human you would let her mother know not to drop her off that same morning..but then what would she do?

Guilt all round.

Why did she accept a job she had no way of doing without the help of a virtual stranger?

Bizarre.

She's not unreasonable to ask but there's no way I'd want someone else's child at 7.15 in the morning! Especially as you have 3 little ones of your own to get up ready and out the door! YANBU! When you see her just say sorry I can't help out but mornings are hectic in our house already. If she gets the hump with you, she's the unreasonable one.

ZippyGoose that is so far removed from lazy, it's excellent time management by the OP, she does all the prep the night before, that takes some level of organisation.

Non issue. She asked (and offered something in return so fine to ask). You said no. Also fine. Done.

I think it's more the fact OP feels bad and wanted some reassurance on her decision.

it's the sort of thing I'd feel bad about too as I feel sorry for people very easily - usually to my own detriment!

at the end of the day OP it's something that would make you're own life harder when you already have a lot going on. don't feel guilty, we can't always say yes to everything.

How long till school?

You don't HAVE to say yes. But it might do your networking some good if you have the child round at the weekend and try and swap play dates. Then there's the possibility of coordinating your holidays when they are at school.

She needs to find a nursery with an earlier drop off time, dp and I worked in the city and have to leave at stupid o’clock so we have our daughter in a nursery with a early drop off and late pick up to accommodate our working days (she’s often picked up early but the late pick up means cancelled trains etc won’t leave her stranded).

I would be fine to do as a one off but not permanently. She could also hire a childmind or other service to pick her up and drop her off.

I agree it’s ok to ask, and text is the best way, as it doesn’t put you in the spot.

However totally fine to say no. Asking someone with a baby to get up earlier than they need to is a huge ask. And the morning routine is much more stressful than the afternoon.

Plus what if you kid is sick? You’d then be expected to drag them out to drop her dc.

Don’t give it a moment more thought.

When you wake up is irrelevant!!!! I wouldn't do that for anyone. 7.15 with anyone's kid is a NO. Also her offer in return is shit too. She'd need to offer like for like to even make it worth while. Or be reasonable and offer some form of payment. CF

This is not your responsibility so please don't feel guilty.

Maybe offer to help her with a flexible working request ?

Shes not a CF she's making an offer and asking for help

It is NOT “lazy bones” to ask kids to stay in their rooms for a bit in the morning when you have a baby. The DH is up and out at 6, and is presumably being excused night wakings as a result, so kids can’t go to him.

Good Heavens of course YANBU! You have more than enough to do first thing without being early morning childcare for an acquaintance’s child. And on a Monday ffs.

Please just say NO to this woman and mean it. Don’t under any circumstances discuss it with her further if you want to remain on good terms.

It absolutely does not. My Ds 10 and I don’t need to get up til 7.30 to get him in on time (tbh if we rush we can do it with an 8 get up). Why would we get up earlier?

I work full time but 60% from home so still plenty of time to log on for 9.

On office days get up earlier one day and one day with his dad.

Wtf do you find to occupy you from 5.30 if kids are sleeping?

Mind you I often work after the kids are in bed. Because that’s how my circadian rhythm works. So I could say “if you’re not still up working at 11.30 you’re bone idle”?

"No, I'm sorry but I can't help. DH leaves for work at 6am and I have enough on my plate in the mornings to get three children and myself out the door and be on time for work. It's only going to get harder as DC3 gets older and more mobile."