To have said no to this mum?

[mamabeeboo]

DD, 3yo has a best friend at nursery, who also lives close by to us. I've spoken with the mum here and there on pick up, general friendly chit-chat about the traffic, the weather, potty training etc. she seems friendly enough. She recently got a new job.

I have two other DC, including an 8 month old who's not the best sleeper. DCs know to stay in bed until 8am so I can rest as much as I can before the school run, and a long day of work. (DH works 6am-2pm so he's already out of the house), so it's just me trying to be on time for school which starts at 8.45am and rush to work at 9am.

I missed her call, but she texted me asking if she could drop off her DD at ours each Monday at 7.15am, as she needs to be at work at 8am. She's happy to pick up DD and drop her home after school in exchange. I said no, with the reasons above, but am now starting to feel bad, what if she has no other alternative, what if she has to turn down the job, it's only 1 day a week etc.

Another part of me thinks that I have 3 kids to deal with, without a 4th arriving before we are even awake, and having to entertain her DD for 1hr 30 mins before school starts, every Monday?!

AIBU?
YABU - I should just do a favour
YANBU - I have enough on my plate

Yanbu. There are a lot of school holidays that fall on a Monday. What would happen then?

On these threads you can definitely tell who had the piss taken out of them.
And the others are probably the piss takers.

Exactly my thoughts eloquently expressed in this post. Seems the age old story of the takers and the givers. Magnified because childcare is exhausting and undervalued.

This is how you get yourself into pickles, agreeing to things that you don’t want to do, that doesn’t really fit into your family and bring with them a whole host of problems (I’ve been in this situation and wish I’d have just said no) for example, if your DC is sick, if you get up late, if you have an early appointment, if your children fall out,if her dd spills juice down her before getting to school, if her dd becomes unwell.
You have enough on your plate and this just wouldn’t work.
You just end up people pleasing.
I ended up looking after a neighbours child all through the Easter holidays - she took the mickey, I found out quite by accident she was only working mornings not full days yet her child was with me until 4.30 and one day she rang me from weatherspoons to say she’d be later because it was a colleagues birthday.
Her child was very demanding and such a handful my youngest child of the same age took to asking grandad if he could go to his ….. at the end of the fortnight she thanked me with half an Easter cake and a stuffed rabbit she’d won in a raffle- then asked me if I was able to have him during the summer holidays!!

then asked me if I was able to have him during the summer holidays!!

Bloody cheek! I’m presuming you said no-how did she respond!!?

I just say no if I'm asked. I'll have kids for play dates etc but no firm weekly or daily agreements.

It's a very reasonable request. It might have easily fitted into your routine and been- both your kids might have been up by 6am. Not having to both nursery runs every day might have really helped you. Your kids aren't up early, it doesn't fit into your routine, you said no, that is fine too.

Yanbu.
I'd do it no bother at all, but I have one DC and he has me up at 6, so I would be dressed and had a cup of tea by the time they turned up!

Her hours might have been changed after she had started the job.

I'm quite shocked to be honest, as to how no one would consider helping her (I would), but sadly people just don't care about anyone else except themselves. Her hours might have been changed after she started her job, and if she jhcan't do ţthem, that could cause her all sorts of problems. I know it is not your problem, but is it really so difficult to be kind and help someone out?

Multiple people have said they would help out as it wouldn’t have a massive impact on their morning. Unfortunately for the lady in question the Op just isnt one who could easily slot another child in in the morning.

I not shocked in the slightest that someone would decide to turn down a request for free childcare every week at a time when she wasn’t awake.

Don't do it! I had a friend who wanted to same, once we agreed one day became 2 until it was nearly everyday.

Those of you saying you would help out, how many children do you have and what are their ages? I used to childmind and had my own two young children. The mornings were hard work getting my two ready, having others arrive early and all getting out of the house in time for nursery and school. I was paid to do it so slightly different but still the logistics of it are the same. I fully understand the op not wanting to take this on, it would completely disrupt the morning routine.

Nope. If someone is cheeky enough to ask for childcare every monday morning from 7.15am by text you know they are going to be a nightmare.

I had a relative telling me how they just needed someone to pick their kids up once a week while I was lying in bed with a horrible flu. Then I looked after them a few times in the holidays and she didn't pick them up until 8pm after vaguely stating a few hours. She's now not speaking to me because i told her I wasn't her daycare or her slave. It's a relief. Why would I want to look after her kids? I've got my own and that's enough.

Also re being kind - it's not kind to my kids to have extra kids for hours. It completely changes the dynamic. It's not kind to the extra, unwanted kids as they pick up on the fact that it's not convenient. It's not kind to the person providing childcare who doesn't actually want to.

Why would you have a third child anyway if you clearly can't cope in the mornings? Making your DCs stay in bed until 8am is just bullying.

You have made the correct decision. Start as the way you mean to go on. I had three boys, another child at 7.15 a.m. is a certain NO.

Bullying 😂😂😂 can always count on MN for a laugh on a Monday morning.

1. I'd prefer to receive this kind of request over text so I could consider it on my own.

2. YANBU.

3. She is also not being unreasonable to ask.

You have needs she has needs, just currently they aren't compatible.

Her daughter is your daughter's best friend - she is not your best friend! Even if you did not have your other children - I would not be saying yes to having the child of someone you barely know. The fact she is asking someone she barely knows - she has no idea of your fitness to parent ( no insult intended) but quick chats at drop off are no evidence. She needs to arrange suitable childcare and if she can't she needs to discuss with her work.

No you are not being unreasonable! You have already too much to deal with muchless to add something unnecessary into the mix! You need that rest. Don't feel bad, there are childminders who she can go to!

No, you're not being unreasonable - she is. You have enough on your plate.