To hate MIL wearing shoes in my house?!

[Mudonstairs]

I love my MIL to pieces. She does so much for me and us as a family. She comes round several times per week and stays with us to help us with childcare for our 20 month old DC. She is a true blessing and we would be so much worse off without her help.

However, she keeps her shoes on in our house from morning until she goes to bed. Whether she is going out or not, those shoes will go on her feet as soon as she gets dressed in the morning upstairs, and if she’s been out and it’s been raining or whatever she doesn’t take them off when she comes back in! My husband and I find this bizarre as we don’t wear shoes in our house. Shoes go on as and when we are about to leave the house and straight off in the hallway when we arrive home.

We recently had our carpet cleaned in only one part of the house (all we could afford) and DH told her we are trying to not wear shoes in the house to keep the carpets clean. He explained that DC likes to play on the floor with his toys etc so we don’t want remnants of dog muck and whatever else trailed through the house (dog muck is a real issue in our neighbourhood, it’s everywhere and you can’t always avoid it)! He has in the past also commented to her several times that he thinks it’s strange that she keeps her shoes on in the house and that it is unhygienic.

She has her own slippers at our house that she chose herself when we were out shopping together but she doesn’t wear them. I am getting annoyed now that I work full time and i don’t have the time to go around the house after my MIL and clean up the specks of dirt she leaves around the house, including up the stairs and in the bathroom. We also can’t keep affording a professional carpet clean regularly and tbh I begrudge having this expense when it’s easily avoidable! I am from a culture where people take their shoes off at home so it is absolutely ludicrous to me that she relaxes at home with her bloody boots/shoes on all day and night no matter what. She does this in her own home too but fair enough if she is comfortable in her own place that’s her business, just hate it at my house.

I don’t want to make a big thing of it as she does so much for us and I don’t want to sound ungrateful or upset her, but seeing as we have already told her before I don’t know how to deal with it in a way that won’t be a big thing anyway. It is having an affect on the overall look of the house and it’s starting to get me down. We can’t afford to decorate so I think the only thing I hold onto is that when it’s had a good clean the place looks nice, but it’s starting not to anymore!

YABU- shut up and let the woman do what she likes. She gives you free childcare so you don’t have a right to complain! Shoes at home is normal!

YANBU- shoes in the house is unhygienic and she needs to stop wearing them in the house. Shoes at home is not normal!

Some people just need to be shamed into doing something. I just say abruptly "shoes off, we don't wear shoes indoors" that works everytime. I think it's absolutely disgusting to walk around in shoes that have been worn outside 🤮

How bizarre can your husband find it? Presumably he grew up in a shoes indoors household. However I think it’s rude for people to keep their shoes on in a no shoe household, especially when it’s been raining and you’ve just had your carpets cleaned.

As others have said if she won’t wear the slippers then get her some house shoes similar to the shoes she wears outside.

I think the people who believe that all outdoor shoes wiped on a doormat are covered in “nasty crap” are the same ones who insist on using “anti-bac” spray on every surface.

How tall is your MIL- my Mum wouldn’t take her shoes off because she felt ‘short and dumpy’ her words. So we compromised with indoor and outdoor shoes. End of!

Surely it’s obvious that even “shoes-on people” take them off if they are wet?

Yes, humiliating her will work 🙄

I hate wearing traditional slippers, so I have a pair of actual shoes that I just wear indoors. I get to wear a shoe that I like indoors and my DH is happy that I'm not being unhygienic.

Yes, I don’t think she gives much thought to it. It’s not that she knows but doesn’t care. I just think because it’s not important to her it’s not at the forefront of her mind. The thing is DH has already explained about the shit smeared streets and she agreed there is a lot of dog mess out there. She also goes out every day with DC and sees the shit there too so she’s aware 🤷🏻‍♀️

I guess I just feel embarrassed by the thought of telling a grown woman that she needs to remove her shoes, even though we’ve politely made comments before!

I put my shoes on in the morning .. and take them off at night, as does my husband and daughter. All my family does

Number if diseases caught from shoes 0

I mean it's your house and you like what you like but you sound like you have a clean fetish.

It's starting to affect the look of your house?
You feel you need to redecorate?
Really?

Is she walking through a ploughed field and firing muck up the walls?

I actually find the thought of folks unleashed sweaty socks in my air space more yucky .

I have never seen my mother in law or stepmother without shoes and slippers are bedroom only not for public view. My husband was brought up to believe that not wearing shoes in the house was ‘slovenly’ . Many people of that generation regard feet as very private , my guess is that as she is generally lovely and active that there is some fort of issue which makes her uncomfortable, for example odour, fungal infection, veruccas , bunions, balance ( very common over 70s and often hidden , somewhat like hearing aids) she may wear orthotics ( you may not know this ) and these are often shoe specific or at least type of shoe specific. Whatever it is she is clearly uncomfortable and in my opinion a loved one’s comfort is much much more important than a little bit of dirt .

I do however have vax carpet cleaner which is a wet /dry one and is easy to use , and not too heavy , or you could just use the money that you save on childcare to book a monthly carpet clean.

I take my shoes off in my own home for comfort and in the homes of people who request it, but I don't ask visitors to remove shoes. I can understand it irritates you but are you sure it's as bad as you say

It is having an affect on the overall look of the house and it’s starting to get me down

Unless she's coming in with filthy muddy shoes/trod in dog poo shoes all the time I can't see she would be bringing in too much mess.

In the overall scheme of things, considering how much she does for you and your children, I think you're being a bit unreasonable.

@WatchandWaitorNot 🤣🤣🤣

I completely agree and I guess this is why we find it so bizarre. In her own home MIL will put her feet up on the footstool while she is wearing boots! Granted that the underside of the shoes are not touching the fabric but still seems like a ridiculous idea to me. But what do I know? I’m not a shoe on person either. Can’t wait to take them off 🤣

This is all over the place, you state it’s specks of dirt in one sentence, then in the next her shoes are so utterly filthy it’s affecting the look of the house. I’m not quite sure I believe that. Which is it op; it can’t be both. If you’re just a bit uptight about shoes in the house own it.

Shoes in the house is a big no! It's so unhygienic, the soles of shoes have so much dirt on them. I don't understand why anyone would want to walk around and sit at home with shoes on. Ask your DH to tell your MIL that wearing outdoor shoes in the house is absolutely not acceptable from now on and you both expect her to respect you and your home enough to do as asked.

I expect that would be the end of two days a week free childcare .

@xSideshowAuntSallyx - I always find it odd when people put shoes on first thing then stay in shoes all day. I can't wait to take mine off. Doesn't matter how comfortable they are but don't they ever curl up on the sofa?!

Yes, i wondering this now. We're shoes off people. We all leave shoes in the hall and then put on indoor sliders, slippers or flipflops ... or prob more often nothing. Just in our socks/bare feet.

None of us ever sit on our sofas 'properly'. ie: with any of our feet on the floor. (Unless we have a lot of visitors at once and we need to sit properly to take up less space).

My mum and dad used to ALWAYS sit 'properly' in chairs. PILs do too. Even in their own home, i've never seen in my whole life either of my parents or PIL sit curled up on a sofa.

Whatever it is she is clearly uncomfortable and in my opinion a loved one’s comfort is much much more important than a little bit of dirt

This is the crux of the matter isn't it. She does so much for you I'm amazed you're making such a huge issue out of it.

I know this 😂
I meant I need to find an outdoor shoe that would serve as an indoor shoe for this specific purpose! Meaning I’m unsure whether I should be searching for a comfy trainer or slip on plimsole, whether there are particular brand that are good…The possibilities are endless!

Yes, but the OP doesn't mind her MIL wearing clean shoes or slippers indoors. Surely nobody feels uncomfortable because they are not allowed to wear dirty shoes indoors?

But surely the point is that it has to be a shoe that your MIL finds comfortable?

As someone else said, perhaps he has bunions, or wears orthotics. She needs to choose her own. Shoes are a very personal thing.

Anyone else got that OMC song How Bizarre in their heads? I'll be singing it all bloody day now. Wonder if it was inspired by someone not taking their shoes off at the front door 😅

If you spoke to me like that I certainly wouldn’t be providing you with free childcare from then on . This woman is saving the OP hundreds of pounds a month , but clearly that doesn’t matter as long as the carpet is speck free .

It’s not so much as a cultural issue as a class issue.

In the U.K. the Venn diagram representing people who demand shoes off and people who like grey carpets and crushed velvet is a circle.