To hate MIL wearing shoes in my house?!

[Mudonstairs]

I love my MIL to pieces. She does so much for me and us as a family. She comes round several times per week and stays with us to help us with childcare for our 20 month old DC. She is a true blessing and we would be so much worse off without her help.

However, she keeps her shoes on in our house from morning until she goes to bed. Whether she is going out or not, those shoes will go on her feet as soon as she gets dressed in the morning upstairs, and if she’s been out and it’s been raining or whatever she doesn’t take them off when she comes back in! My husband and I find this bizarre as we don’t wear shoes in our house. Shoes go on as and when we are about to leave the house and straight off in the hallway when we arrive home.

We recently had our carpet cleaned in only one part of the house (all we could afford) and DH told her we are trying to not wear shoes in the house to keep the carpets clean. He explained that DC likes to play on the floor with his toys etc so we don’t want remnants of dog muck and whatever else trailed through the house (dog muck is a real issue in our neighbourhood, it’s everywhere and you can’t always avoid it)! He has in the past also commented to her several times that he thinks it’s strange that she keeps her shoes on in the house and that it is unhygienic.

She has her own slippers at our house that she chose herself when we were out shopping together but she doesn’t wear them. I am getting annoyed now that I work full time and i don’t have the time to go around the house after my MIL and clean up the specks of dirt she leaves around the house, including up the stairs and in the bathroom. We also can’t keep affording a professional carpet clean regularly and tbh I begrudge having this expense when it’s easily avoidable! I am from a culture where people take their shoes off at home so it is absolutely ludicrous to me that she relaxes at home with her bloody boots/shoes on all day and night no matter what. She does this in her own home too but fair enough if she is comfortable in her own place that’s her business, just hate it at my house.

I don’t want to make a big thing of it as she does so much for us and I don’t want to sound ungrateful or upset her, but seeing as we have already told her before I don’t know how to deal with it in a way that won’t be a big thing anyway. It is having an affect on the overall look of the house and it’s starting to get me down. We can’t afford to decorate so I think the only thing I hold onto is that when it’s had a good clean the place looks nice, but it’s starting not to anymore!

YABU- shut up and let the woman do what she likes. She gives you free childcare so you don’t have a right to complain! Shoes at home is normal!

YANBU- shoes in the house is unhygienic and she needs to stop wearing them in the house. Shoes at home is not normal!

YABU

That’s fascinating. The age group data is particularly interesting - and completely the opposite of what I’d expect - younger age groups are most likely to wear shoes indoors. But it’s not “most surveys”, it’s one.

Shhh. You sound very defensive. Yes. Many of us think people who wear shoes inside the home are poorly bred and ill educated.

@BIossomtoes

That’s fascinating. The age group data is particularly interesting - and completely the opposite of what I’d expect - younger age groups are most likely to wear shoes indoors. But it’s not “most surveys”, it’s one.

Here's another. Less that one quarter Brits wear their shoes inside. At some point you are going to have to accept you and your friends are the outliers. Nationally and globally.

No, your comment about global experience really did make you sound like your head was so far up your arse it was in danger of popping back out your mouth.

I put my shoes on in the morning and keep them on all day, inside and out - this is because I have had back surgery and taking them on and off is a bit of a palaver. Maybe your MIL finds it uncomfortable to keep taking her shoes/slippers on and off.

Make sure you have doormats inside and out, so she can clean her shoes as she comes in.

It sounds as if she is a great gran - I would just accept that and be done with it.

I have never had my carpets cleaned in any house I have been in.

It's just purely disgusting and disrespectful.

You walk outside through the dog shit, mud and god knows what else and then just happily spread it around the house- why not, who cares?

Hygiene standards on the zero level.

Lots of British households have dogs with their shitty hairy arses on the carpets (and sometimes sofas) - do those same people insist that visitors remove their shoes?

We're in a minority but I completely agree. I especially agree with your last sentence. I think that OP is a CF.

@HelloWorldItsNiceToMeetYou

No, your comment about global experience really did make you sound like your head was so far up your arse it was in danger of popping back out your mouth.
Sorry to have triggered you. But as shoe wearing people seem to want to hold on to some delusion that it's a class thing and low class people remove shoes, it seemed pertinent to point out that around where I live which is anything but poor, most people remove shoes.

That looks like a very balanced and unbiased “survey”.

Yup, very ill educated. We have four degrees between the two of us in this house. Incidentally wealth and class aren’t the same thing as you appear to be intent on demonstrating.

Not triggered, just entertained Hyacinth 😂

@HelloWorldItsNiceToMeetYou not sure who hyacinth is.

Hush now.

Oh bless. Money does not = class.

You take your shoes off indoors? You're naff.

@BIossomtoes

Yup, very ill educated. We have four degrees between the two of us in this house. Incidentally wealth and class aren’t the same thing as you appear to be intent on demonstrating.
But there are degrees and there are degrees. You seem to have majored in rudeness.

I majored in Nuclear physics whilst my dh went to Oxford -PPE

Sorry you are so upset by the idea that much of the world would see you are poorly educated and rather crude for wearing outdoor shoes inside the home. People won't care about your 4 degrees. They will judge you on your disrespectful and unclean behaviour.

@Geebray You take your shoes off indoors? You're naff.
Again, you are another unworldly person.

Or you think Scandinavia, Germany, Poland actually the whole of Eastern Europe, parts of USA, most of Africa and all of Asia are naff.

That's cool. I doubt they will care what someone they think is ill educated and poorly brought up thinks.

Oh god, please someone explain to her who Hyacinth is... I can't type for laughing!

@HelloWorldItsNiceToMeetYou

Shhhhh 🤫 calm down Petal

But she is globally experienced ...doff your cap you neanderthal!

You seem to have majored in rudeness.

Oh, the irony. 😂

Calm down, but I thought we were in the throws or declaring just how sophisticated and globally experienced we all are... I can't possibly 😂

@HelloWorldItsNiceToMeetYou

Hush. It must be tough when you realise the majority of comments in MN support (a bastion of MC) removing shoes.

You are on the icky side of the conversation. That's kind of it really. All the back and forth in the world doesn't change the fact that most of the world thinks you are dirty

Nothing else to say really.

I was fairly certain we were talking about this country. Were we not?

@Geebray

I was fairly certain we were talking about this country. Were we not?
MN has commenters from around the world. There are many comments on here from people in other countries.
What looks like more than half of the posters support shoes off.
Surveys that have been shared on here indicate fewer than a quarter of British people wear shoes inside the home 🤷🏻‍♀️