To hate MIL wearing shoes in my house?!

[Mudonstairs]

I love my MIL to pieces. She does so much for me and us as a family. She comes round several times per week and stays with us to help us with childcare for our 20 month old DC. She is a true blessing and we would be so much worse off without her help.

However, she keeps her shoes on in our house from morning until she goes to bed. Whether she is going out or not, those shoes will go on her feet as soon as she gets dressed in the morning upstairs, and if she’s been out and it’s been raining or whatever she doesn’t take them off when she comes back in! My husband and I find this bizarre as we don’t wear shoes in our house. Shoes go on as and when we are about to leave the house and straight off in the hallway when we arrive home.

We recently had our carpet cleaned in only one part of the house (all we could afford) and DH told her we are trying to not wear shoes in the house to keep the carpets clean. He explained that DC likes to play on the floor with his toys etc so we don’t want remnants of dog muck and whatever else trailed through the house (dog muck is a real issue in our neighbourhood, it’s everywhere and you can’t always avoid it)! He has in the past also commented to her several times that he thinks it’s strange that she keeps her shoes on in the house and that it is unhygienic.

She has her own slippers at our house that she chose herself when we were out shopping together but she doesn’t wear them. I am getting annoyed now that I work full time and i don’t have the time to go around the house after my MIL and clean up the specks of dirt she leaves around the house, including up the stairs and in the bathroom. We also can’t keep affording a professional carpet clean regularly and tbh I begrudge having this expense when it’s easily avoidable! I am from a culture where people take their shoes off at home so it is absolutely ludicrous to me that she relaxes at home with her bloody boots/shoes on all day and night no matter what. She does this in her own home too but fair enough if she is comfortable in her own place that’s her business, just hate it at my house.

I don’t want to make a big thing of it as she does so much for us and I don’t want to sound ungrateful or upset her, but seeing as we have already told her before I don’t know how to deal with it in a way that won’t be a big thing anyway. It is having an affect on the overall look of the house and it’s starting to get me down. We can’t afford to decorate so I think the only thing I hold onto is that when it’s had a good clean the place looks nice, but it’s starting not to anymore!

YABU- shut up and let the woman do what she likes. She gives you free childcare so you don’t have a right to complain! Shoes at home is normal!

YANBU- shoes in the house is unhygienic and she needs to stop wearing them in the house. Shoes at home is not normal!

Yes, that equates to upper middle and upper class. So we're agreed!

YANBU 🤢

@Geebray

Yes, that equates to upper middle and upper class. So we're agreed!

Which takes me back to my previous derided comment where k said that around me in an area of extreme wealth where there is the highest concentration of Oxbridge educated people in the country and where a massive minority of dc go to private school, people tend to remove shoes. You can try to suggest that all the city workers with Oxbridge degrees who went to the Dane leading public schools their parents went to are somehow the underclass of the country but you'll struggle to sound reasonable.

Excuse the typos. Dog sitting on me. I'm sure you are smart enough to figure out what I am typing

I hope you have washed the dog's feet and bum

You seem weirdly invested in this. I could say all the same stuff, and that none of us take off shoes indoors.

GERMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No more invested than you 😂

In Ireland it's unusual to be asked to take your shoes off. Out of all of mine and DH's friends and family we know one person who requests this, and most guests roll their eyes about it.

A lot of people consider it very rude and unwelcoming towards a guest. I have a relative who will actually leave if she's asked to do this (and she has cream carpets in her own house).

I don't turn up on peoples doorsteps with shitty shoes or trail muck through their house. Also most people have something called a doormat.

I'm also not aware that Ireland has an unusual level of disease or sickness from this practice. In fact I'd imagine people are more likely to slip and injure themselves without shoes on, than get sick from ingesting something from their carpet.

OMG how disgusting! What about all those germs? 🙄

Hi MIL! Fancy seeing you here.

@DirectionToPerfection

OMG how disgusting! What about all those germs? 🙄
I'm amazed it took this long for this comment!!
Love my dogs. Not allowed upstairs though.
It's not just germs. It's about being respectful of the home. I don't know if this is something people will understand if they haven't been brought up to feel this way.

It's about removing the outside before you come in to your sanctuary

Seriously? That’s utterly revolting, when you think where its paws have been, not to mention its anus. 🤮

Yeah exactly. Someone mentioned shoes off being associated with crushed velvet/low class, I mean, really?

Seriously, I'm am not well traveled at all, I havent been abroad since 2019- but even I've been to more than three people's houses in my entire life.

And I hate grey-everything trend, too

I swear the shoe threads get more heated than the discussions about the Middle East. The fanny waxing of the 2020s.

You won't want to be going to Ireland then, according to @DirectionToPerfection .

Imagine that, people in different countries, classes and cultures having different shoe habits!

as we say in Ireland your friend has "notions" 😅🤣

Exactly 😂

You should have put your foot down first time it happened. I’d just be straight forward and tell her shoes come off at the door and be done with it.