To hate MIL wearing shoes in my house?!

[Mudonstairs]

I love my MIL to pieces. She does so much for me and us as a family. She comes round several times per week and stays with us to help us with childcare for our 20 month old DC. She is a true blessing and we would be so much worse off without her help.

However, she keeps her shoes on in our house from morning until she goes to bed. Whether she is going out or not, those shoes will go on her feet as soon as she gets dressed in the morning upstairs, and if she’s been out and it’s been raining or whatever she doesn’t take them off when she comes back in! My husband and I find this bizarre as we don’t wear shoes in our house. Shoes go on as and when we are about to leave the house and straight off in the hallway when we arrive home.

We recently had our carpet cleaned in only one part of the house (all we could afford) and DH told her we are trying to not wear shoes in the house to keep the carpets clean. He explained that DC likes to play on the floor with his toys etc so we don’t want remnants of dog muck and whatever else trailed through the house (dog muck is a real issue in our neighbourhood, it’s everywhere and you can’t always avoid it)! He has in the past also commented to her several times that he thinks it’s strange that she keeps her shoes on in the house and that it is unhygienic.

She has her own slippers at our house that she chose herself when we were out shopping together but she doesn’t wear them. I am getting annoyed now that I work full time and i don’t have the time to go around the house after my MIL and clean up the specks of dirt she leaves around the house, including up the stairs and in the bathroom. We also can’t keep affording a professional carpet clean regularly and tbh I begrudge having this expense when it’s easily avoidable! I am from a culture where people take their shoes off at home so it is absolutely ludicrous to me that she relaxes at home with her bloody boots/shoes on all day and night no matter what. She does this in her own home too but fair enough if she is comfortable in her own place that’s her business, just hate it at my house.

I don’t want to make a big thing of it as she does so much for us and I don’t want to sound ungrateful or upset her, but seeing as we have already told her before I don’t know how to deal with it in a way that won’t be a big thing anyway. It is having an affect on the overall look of the house and it’s starting to get me down. We can’t afford to decorate so I think the only thing I hold onto is that when it’s had a good clean the place looks nice, but it’s starting not to anymore!

YABU- shut up and let the woman do what she likes. She gives you free childcare so you don’t have a right to complain! Shoes at home is normal!

YANBU- shoes in the house is unhygienic and she needs to stop wearing them in the house. Shoes at home is not normal!

@CwmYoy How on earth is it rude to ask people to not get filth & bacteria on your carpets?!

😂😂😂 neon sign sounds perfect. Yes, I’ve either got to say something or just live it haven’t I? sigh 🤔

OP it’s weird your husband hasn’t said anything to her again, if it was my mum I’d have to! ‘Mum we all love having you over and are grateful for what you do for our family, but we’ve mentioned before about not wearing outside shoes around the house, there’s actual mud on the floor in our bathroom & on the carpets. I will buy you a pair of proper shoes to wear inside or do you want to buy a nice pair and I’ll pay you back?’ then I would remind her every single time. It doesn’t have to be horrible but it really should be your husband who does it.

Ignore people who think it’s obsessive to not have filth trodden through your entire house!

ETA - I mean imagine if the post was ‘AIBU to wear my muddy shoes through MILs house when I’m doing jobs for her even though she’s just had her carpets cleaned and asked me not to?’

Yes. As per my previous update, doormat means nothing when you live near lots of mud and a beach!

Get these

Then she can just put them over her shoes.

https://www.justgloves.co.uk/search/?q=overshoes&utmterm=over%20shoe%20covers&utmmcampaign=S+-+Search+-+JG:+Disposable+Clothing&utmsource=adwords&utmmmedium=ppc&hsaacc=3881334759&hsaacam=187385288&hsagrp=16908680768&hsaaad=389862674375&hsasrc=g&hsaatgt=kwd-10722628287&hsakw=over%20shoe%20covers&hsaamt=e&hsanet=adwords&hsaaver=3&gadsource=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIqOeouYP0hAMVKJFQBh1BYA9tEAAYASAAEgJaQfDDBwE

It really is.

I’m quite posh. My friends are quite posh. I have never been in anyone’s house in the U.K. where I’ve been asked to remove my shoes.

although a friend who had the parquet in her Manor House ballroom restored asked us not to wear stilettos to a party

I was thinking to suggest buying slippers but as I read on I seen she has some there already (glad I read OK before posting) shoe stand and sign by the door saing no shoes etc is worth a try, or maybe she finds shoes more comfortable ap buy similar 'indoor shoes' for her?

If you used "that tone" with me, that would be the end of the free childcare.

Respect and courtesy works both ways.

Hmmm, I never remove my shoes when I go to someone else´s house and if I got to that said house and proceeded to spontaneously take my shoes off, I would be considered groos and a weirdo. Exception if my shoes were covered in mud or shit.
The only place I do this is when I visit my aunt in England who has this penchat for light coloured wall to wall carpets. So she is being a bit inconsiderate, especially when you have provided her very own slippers.

Get some shoe covers. I've got reusable fabric ones that I use in clients houses. When she comes, just say 'Oh I know you like to keep your shoes on, but as we've just had the carpets cleaned, would you mind using these over your shoes?' If she's that lovely she won't mind, and she doesn't have to take her shoes off.

It’s such an English thing wearing outdoor shoes in the house.

Most other countries remove outdoor shoes when inside the home.

A US study revealed that shoes from outside have an average of 421,000 units of bacteria. When you stroll into your home you risk bringing a nest egg of germs and grime with you.

Personally I don’t want this (along with shit from the pavement) in my home. So shoes off in my house.

If you want shit across your own home that’s fine / my house, my tiles.

All of you posters walking through shit everyday should maybe watch where you’re going 🤷‍♀️

I am with you OP … shoes on in the house is so disrespectful !

I think she would laugh if I asked her to use shoe covers and she would take her shoes off probably 😂

I have a whole basket of slippers and slipper socks that get washed once used, for precisely that reason. I would never expect anyone to walk around barefoot as I don’t do it myself.

There’s a lot of hyperbole on this thread. There’s quite a difference between stomping blindly through rubbish piles, pissy public toilet floors, squashy mud woodland floors and “shit strewn pavements”, never bothering to check the deep gripped soles of your feet; and leaving the house, walking three metres to the car, another 20 metres across a well kept office car park, spending all day in a carpeted office cleaned daily, returning home and not taking off flat soled shoes with no grippers or deep tread.

Sometimes it’s unavoidable and it truly is disgusting where we live. I suspect hundreds of people round here bought dogs during lockdown thinking of the lovely beach walks, and now can’t be bothered to pick up its mess, but that has also been done to death on here 🙄

What about when it’s dark outside? Where I live is not well lit at night. Maybe not so much of an issue now days are getting longer, but in winter if MIL takes DC out in the late afternoon it would be dark.

Why on earth would she take kids out in the dark? You’re over egging it now.

Yes, there is a massive difference. MIL is walking over 20,000 steps daily over pavements, sandy beaches, muddy and gravel paths and grassy areas in all kinds of weather. DC will only nap in the buggy so she does walk with him not only for him to play and do activities but while he is sleeping too. So she is out in all weathers for hours. I appreciate it is hard as I have done and still do it myself, but I just take my shoes off when I come home. I see it as something simple that makes a big difference to how clean the house is.

Wow, I didn’t know that you are the oracle of every single reason why someone would leave a house in the dark 😂

DC takes naps in his buggy. That is the only way DC will sleep with MIL. I told her she could lie down with him in his room and he falls asleep with white noise but she can’t stand white noise so buggy naps it is!

God. She does all that for your child and you're still moaning about her?

You didn't say what was MIL's reaction to her son telling her to not wear shoes inside. I am assuming she didn't stop wearing those shoes.

Irrespective of culture you come from, you have an almost toddler who plays on the floor, so if not for any other reason, for the sake of her grandchild she should not wear outside shoes inside. Tell her again. And if she does not listen, stop taking her help because she is helping in one way but adding work in another.

Would she acknowledge a sign like this?

You could solve this in a flash, just pay for childcare like the rest of us do or had to. Instead you receive probably the best part of £1000 of free childcare a month something most people would put up with a lot for. Alternatively why don’t you use some of that money to pay for a cleaner .

She does this through her own choice. She volunteered to look after DC. She didn’t want him to go to a childminder or nursery. I have suggested getting DC to nap at home but she refuses and wants to take him out in the buggy. I also suggested her not taking him out in the morning because she would need to take him out again for his buggy nap and if it’s too tiring she could just take him out the once in the afternoon only, nope she still goes out in the morning and afternoon so it’s a lot of walking. It must be what she prefers because I’ve made suggestions that are more restful for her but I think it’s easier to entertain a toddler when you are on the go and busy tbf 🤷🏻‍♀️

I am not moaning about her and have said shes amazing many times but ok 🙄