To hate MIL wearing shoes in my house?!

[Mudonstairs]

I love my MIL to pieces. She does so much for me and us as a family. She comes round several times per week and stays with us to help us with childcare for our 20 month old DC. She is a true blessing and we would be so much worse off without her help.

However, she keeps her shoes on in our house from morning until she goes to bed. Whether she is going out or not, those shoes will go on her feet as soon as she gets dressed in the morning upstairs, and if she’s been out and it’s been raining or whatever she doesn’t take them off when she comes back in! My husband and I find this bizarre as we don’t wear shoes in our house. Shoes go on as and when we are about to leave the house and straight off in the hallway when we arrive home.

We recently had our carpet cleaned in only one part of the house (all we could afford) and DH told her we are trying to not wear shoes in the house to keep the carpets clean. He explained that DC likes to play on the floor with his toys etc so we don’t want remnants of dog muck and whatever else trailed through the house (dog muck is a real issue in our neighbourhood, it’s everywhere and you can’t always avoid it)! He has in the past also commented to her several times that he thinks it’s strange that she keeps her shoes on in the house and that it is unhygienic.

She has her own slippers at our house that she chose herself when we were out shopping together but she doesn’t wear them. I am getting annoyed now that I work full time and i don’t have the time to go around the house after my MIL and clean up the specks of dirt she leaves around the house, including up the stairs and in the bathroom. We also can’t keep affording a professional carpet clean regularly and tbh I begrudge having this expense when it’s easily avoidable! I am from a culture where people take their shoes off at home so it is absolutely ludicrous to me that she relaxes at home with her bloody boots/shoes on all day and night no matter what. She does this in her own home too but fair enough if she is comfortable in her own place that’s her business, just hate it at my house.

I don’t want to make a big thing of it as she does so much for us and I don’t want to sound ungrateful or upset her, but seeing as we have already told her before I don’t know how to deal with it in a way that won’t be a big thing anyway. It is having an affect on the overall look of the house and it’s starting to get me down. We can’t afford to decorate so I think the only thing I hold onto is that when it’s had a good clean the place looks nice, but it’s starting not to anymore!

YABU- shut up and let the woman do what she likes. She gives you free childcare so you don’t have a right to complain! Shoes at home is normal!

YANBU- shoes in the house is unhygienic and she needs to stop wearing them in the house. Shoes at home is not normal!

My mum doesn't like wearing slippers at home. Think her friend who was found dead at home at the bottom of the stairs - with a slipper halfway down the stairs put her off. We didn't know exactly happened until a few months later when another friend sent a birthday card to the neighbours instead. The other friend puts on sent from sticker with name, address, phone number. Think what happened she slipped down the stairs wearing slippers and cracked skull on the wooden floor at the bottom.

Wears some slip on trainers.

'Don't wear slippers because you might die' is a very peculiar position to take

Shoe covers, like those blue surgical things?

Is there no indignity too much for this poor MIL!

But you've asked her not to wear them and she's carried on.. why can't you ask her Why?

Of course it's rude. If you are having a party or friends for dinner the shoes will have been chosen to go with the outfit - it's just ridiculous to tell people to take their shoes off. I cannot imagine any of our friends saying that - or me saying it to guests.

I don't want scabby feet on my carpets. Keep your shoes on like a civilised person. And as for taking your slippers when invited out - utterly ridiculous.

Exactly, we have asked before and she doesn’t do it so I feel the next step is a bit confrontational and I hate that!

Doesn't have to be. Her son can say that you prefer no shoes and she chose some slippers because of that, so what's the problem?

But it doesn’t really feel like you’ve told her explicitly that you are a no outside shoes house.

You’ve asked her to agree that it’s cleaner to not wear outside shoes and she agreed that was the case.

And you asked her not to wear shoes on the freshly washed bit of carpet - and she didn’t - presumably she thought that was a temporary thing while it had just been washed.

Just use your baby as the excuse - “MIL - we are going to have the whole house be a no outside shoe house from this week so that baby will get used to doing it too. All shoes including his will come off in the hallway - so do you want to use slippers or would you prefer some regular shoes that you just use indoor?”

Then just keep gently reminding her.

@CwmYoy

I don't want scabby feet on my carpets. Keep your shoes on like a civilised person. And as for taking your slippers when invited out - utterly ridiculous.
As most of the world removes shoes you clearly think most of the world is uncivilised and have scabby feet.

Maybe you should get out into the world a bit more and out of your village.

Op can you buy mil the same pair of shoes and keep those as indoor ones she can wear at your house.

I saw her wearing a pair of sketchers today so I’m thinking maybe I’ll just get her another pair of those.

Aww I hope it works out then.. if you can, let us know how it goes!

not a death but similar happened to friends of mine. came home from work one eve. took off her shoes was wearing tights. slipped on wooden floor and broke her jaw. jaw wired shut for 2 months.

Op unfortunately in my experience people who make a huge fuss about shoes off and can't tolerate even one person having shoes on are terribly unhygienic in other ways.

I remember one lady watched over me taking shoes off in her hall way, which was filthy and then moments later emptied her child's potty into the sink with urine splashing everywhere. Didn't wash her hands and put them into biscuits and offered me drinks.

You see that's where the real a risk of me falling in and her would lie.
Bacteria from her child's urine going via her unwashed hands literally into me via food.
However.. Neither of us are going to drop to the floor and lick that.

shoes off is definitely a modern thing and I think a class thing it's the equivalent of the working class proud of the front step.

Well I’m definitely outside the circle!!

No grey or crushed velvet here but no one wears outdoor shoes in our house. All our DSs’ mates automatically take off their trainers in the hall. Not one has ever kept them on. Our families both are shoes off indoors - just how we were both brought up.

My grandparents wore slippers, not outdoor shoes, in the house, and they were all born roughly 110 years ago. There was less money about then and they wanted to keep their rugs clean.

That’s about when my parents were born (1916 and 1918). They wore their ordinary shoes in the house.

We wear indoor shoes or slippers.
We have a large shoe cupboard for outdoor shoes.

I wouldn't ask people to take theirs off as I feel it is a bit rude.
I have a vacuum cleaner, mop and a vax carpet cleaner. It doesn't take long to clean the areas that guests will be in.
We only have carpet in bedrooms and stairways.

I dislike taking my shoes off in other people's homes.
I find my socks get covered in animal hair, fluff and get very dirty off of other people's floors. Makes me wonder how often they actually clean the floors.
The worst was nipping into a downstairs loo and coming out with wet feet!

Yeah she sounds vile. I doubt many people live like that whether they wear shoes inside or not. They are not really related.

@tittybumbum the more militant ones yes. I can't be bothered to list all the scenario one is worst but outing

She has slippers. She needs to be told not to wear shoes

You need to keep asking, and firmly. I had this issue with my in-laws, who also resisted repeated requests to take their shoes off in our house. It took a final firm request to get them to comply, and now they take their shoes off without complaint. It took months.

Your mil sounds wonderful, please let’s swap!

I’m also from an ‘instinctively shoes off’ culture. At the same time, I know that there are reasons why some people struggle, when they’re shoe-free. My dad is diabetic, so his feet are an issue. He brings his padded, indoor sandals to my house. My feet are always, always cold, so I take fluffy socks with me, to my brother’s house.

As your mil is so lovely, I think that an explanation of your concerns may help? Eg, we chose a shoes-off nursery because the shoes-on one had high rates of sickness, with kids spreading germs onto toys and into their mouths. Or that the little one is forever exploring through their mouth and your local streets are rather full of poop. You’re worried for the wellbeing of your child.

it may not be a bad idea to ask why mil doesn’t wear the slippers - are they uncomfortable, or not offering enough support?

I too hate it when people keep their shoes on in my house. I find it really gross.
House shoes are definitely the way to go for her, something she chooses herself. I also think it’s your DH that needs to ask her to please stop wearing her outdoor shoes in your home, she’s his mum.