To hate MIL wearing shoes in my house?!

[Mudonstairs]

I love my MIL to pieces. She does so much for me and us as a family. She comes round several times per week and stays with us to help us with childcare for our 20 month old DC. She is a true blessing and we would be so much worse off without her help.

However, she keeps her shoes on in our house from morning until she goes to bed. Whether she is going out or not, those shoes will go on her feet as soon as she gets dressed in the morning upstairs, and if she’s been out and it’s been raining or whatever she doesn’t take them off when she comes back in! My husband and I find this bizarre as we don’t wear shoes in our house. Shoes go on as and when we are about to leave the house and straight off in the hallway when we arrive home.

We recently had our carpet cleaned in only one part of the house (all we could afford) and DH told her we are trying to not wear shoes in the house to keep the carpets clean. He explained that DC likes to play on the floor with his toys etc so we don’t want remnants of dog muck and whatever else trailed through the house (dog muck is a real issue in our neighbourhood, it’s everywhere and you can’t always avoid it)! He has in the past also commented to her several times that he thinks it’s strange that she keeps her shoes on in the house and that it is unhygienic.

She has her own slippers at our house that she chose herself when we were out shopping together but she doesn’t wear them. I am getting annoyed now that I work full time and i don’t have the time to go around the house after my MIL and clean up the specks of dirt she leaves around the house, including up the stairs and in the bathroom. We also can’t keep affording a professional carpet clean regularly and tbh I begrudge having this expense when it’s easily avoidable! I am from a culture where people take their shoes off at home so it is absolutely ludicrous to me that she relaxes at home with her bloody boots/shoes on all day and night no matter what. She does this in her own home too but fair enough if she is comfortable in her own place that’s her business, just hate it at my house.

I don’t want to make a big thing of it as she does so much for us and I don’t want to sound ungrateful or upset her, but seeing as we have already told her before I don’t know how to deal with it in a way that won’t be a big thing anyway. It is having an affect on the overall look of the house and it’s starting to get me down. We can’t afford to decorate so I think the only thing I hold onto is that when it’s had a good clean the place looks nice, but it’s starting not to anymore!

YABU- shut up and let the woman do what she likes. She gives you free childcare so you don’t have a right to complain! Shoes at home is normal!

YANBU- shoes in the house is unhygienic and she needs to stop wearing them in the house. Shoes at home is not normal!

He said he has always found it bizarre but there’s never been any need to tell his mum his thoughts.

Well there is now. Get him on it.

I'm from Liverpool and all my relatives including my parents think it's fine to wear shoes indoors but generally they take them off if they go upstairs. In my house everyone except my parents take their shoes off at the door. When I go to my parents I always take my shoes off and dm always says it'd okay to keep them on.
We actually visited one of my parents' friends last week (I'd never met her before) and we all took our shoes off. We live in the south now. Dad did struggle a bit to get them back on without a shoe horn, he's in his 80s.

I will never in a million years understand the Anglo concept of not wearing shoes inside a house. The justification of preventing kids to get germs because they are playing on a carpet floor is beyond ridiculous. Carpets soak up dust mites, germs and dirt daily without the necessity for anyone having to go barefoot. If you are really that concerned about dirt, don't have carpets. Have flooring that can be mopped everyday.

I also find it extraordinarily rude to ask anyone entering a house, to stop wearing shoes. WHY? It's frankly bizarre.

In this instance, it's even more unreal. The MIL is a wonderful woman helping the family including giving free childcare .....and the OP is bitching about her shoes.

I honestly don't get it and probably never will.

It’s not an Anglo concept @Alondra, quite the reverse. It’s a fad that’s crept in over about 20 years. It’s completely alien to many of us who are older. We certainly weren’t brought up with it.

Fine. But it is accepted as polite to adopt the hosts practices. In no way is it appropriate to just say 'oh I'm old. So I'm doing it how I want'. That's just rude

If you went to a country where everyone took off their shoes what would you do? If you go somewhere you do as they do to show respect.

As most of the world thinks wearing shoes inside a home is disrespectful and a sign of a poor upbringing, it's bizarre that you find it bizarre

Maybe where you live but in most of the world, wearing outdoor shoes inside a home is considered disrespectful and a very poor social faux pas. You would be seen as very low class with no education

I know I’ve pointed this out to you before but this isn’t most of the world. It’s the UK and in this culture the majority of people wear shoes indoors.

This would stress me out too and I’m white British. My parents do this in their own home as well as everyone else’s and it never bothered me growing up, but now with my own carpets to think about I cannot understand why anyone would wear outdoor shoes on their carpets - it’s gross! Not so bad on hard floors as you can mop them. We take our’s off straight away and most people do this automatically when they come in - why wouldn’t you? Incidentally we have a vax carpet cleaner - love it, but it is quite a heavy job!

I actually don’t know many that do these days - probably as carpets have got lighter and less patterned!

But you’ve just said your parents do - I bet all their friends do too.

Weird. I would rather bare feet on my carpet than dirty shoes. When we go to house parties we always take our shoes off unless on hard (easily cleanable) floors.

They don’t have pale carpets in their house…It’s selfish to drag your dirt onto other people’s carpets.

I didn't realise this was such a thing, people take their slippers to other people's houses to wea!

I honestly felt that slippers are something you wear with your pyjamas and dressing gown in the privacy of your own home. I would feel quite 'undressed' and self conscious in slippers, almost like people that stay In their pyjamas all day.

I know there are cultures where shoes come off at the door to be fair, but I didn't think it was something most people did.

@blossomtoes

Growing up we were part of a very large Catholic family and all the aunts and uncles had different levels of living, some in very modest social housing and others in 8 bedroom Georgian piles.
The only family we went too that made us take shoes off was one where the mum was Austrian and she was very strict about it.
It was a huge deal and I remember my family thinking it was very odd.
I then had state and private education and again all throughout my youth I was in and out of all sorts or housing and modest and posh and not a single household did we have to take shoes off in.
I'm now in a working to middle class area and it's roughly the same band width and it's very common.
All nxt mums insisted on it etc.
It's all about "carpets and flooring" and not getting the floors dirty etc.

Had a very similar issue with my husbands family but in their own home they take their shoes off.. mil would walk in with her shoes on we are all carpet in the living room too which makes it worse. Puts her coat down, heads to the kitchen which is tiles dumps her keys and handbag on to my kitchen work top which is another nono for me, i don't want her dirty keys and dirty handbag on my kitchen work top, sorry i don't care if mumsnet comes for me 😆p.s then after she's travelled the whole house goes back to the hallway to take her shoes off...🤦‍♀️

@Blossomtoes

I know I’ve pointed this out to you before but this isn’t most of the world. It’s the UK and in this culture the majority of people wear shoes indoors.

I maybe just have a more global experience than you do.

I have lived in several countries as have many of the people I live around and most of my friends. We live in a very affluent and highly educated part of the country and so perhaps our behaviours reflect this global experience.

@Octavia64

what’s so unpleasant about it exactly?

Could you have been more condescending and snide @tittybumbum? Regardless of your “global experience” the British culture is traditionally to wear shoes indoors. However patronising you become that won’t change.

@Blossomtoes

lol no they don’t

@Alondra

have you seen the state of the pavements in the uk? Dog shit, dog piss, people’s split and phlegm. I do not want any traces of that in my house. It’s minging.

end of.

They do in the circles I move in.

I was brought up in the UK, 37 years ago, in a shoes off house, as did almost everyone else I knew.

It has probably spread more in the last couple of decades though as more and more people travel and experience other cultures and pick up on things like this and perhaps with less and less housewives and sahms, people have less time and tolerance for the extra cleaning required when wearing outside shoes inside.

Most surveys suggest the majority of people in the UK take their shoes off, actually.
https://shoelove.deichmann.com/gb-en/2021/12/wearing-shoes-in-the-house-where-do-you-stand/

@BIossomtoes

they don’t in the circles I move in