To be fuming... missed parents evening.

[2under4]

My OH is a primary school teacher. He was so absorbed doing parents evenings for his pupils, he completely forgot about our child's (at another school). He'd known about it, and had said it wad fine. I'd purposefully got the latest slot (6pm) so that he would have plenty of time to get home, and put children to bed whilst I went. It meant getting ready for bed time for the kids, so wgen he didn't arrive home, I couldn't take them out yawning and playing up where they were really tired.

I'm also pissed off that I couldn't get hold of him. He doesn't check his phone from breakfast time, until whatever time he leaves work. I get that he can't have his phone on him all day as he's in a classroom, but I feel he should prioritise checking it quickly at lunch (I'd messaged him reminding him earlier), and at least have it on him, on silent, once the children have gone home. I think it's really unreasonable for him to just switch off from life for 10 hours a day, in case there's an emergency. Also because he is really forgetful, and I do sometimes message him reminders - not often, but stuff like today. I've asked him before to make more effort to be contactable, when appropriate. He told me today a flat no. He isn't going to check his phone, it's my responsibility to deal with anything that comes up. Presumably including the two days I work.

I'm fuming. He's saying "no-ones died" and telling me basically to get over it. No plan to change anything going forward. Am I overreacting?

"He was so absorbed doing parents evenings for his pupils"

Yes, they care oh so very very much, don't they? Put their heart and soul into it.

That is discrimination against single parents, so not sure I believe it.

I prefer to think it was a joint mistake as they both agreed to a bad plan. The blame game is never productive and doesn’t help when moving forward to decide on a better plan that will work.

💯 this

He forgot, it happens. Provided he was very apologetic I wouldn't hold it against him

I work in a primary school and if any teacher had their phone out they could lose their job. Its that serious. He's doing parents meetings all day and is at work. If there was a proper emergency then you could have called the school office, and no, your child's parents meeting isn't an emergency.

Why can't you take your children to parents meetings? We expect parents to bring the child to them.

I’m a secondary teacher and no matter how busy work got, I hope I would never, ever be so shit as to forget it was my own kids’ parents evening and that I needed to be home by a certain time. If I ever did, I’d be mortified and apologise profusely to my partner, to my kids AND to their teachers, who had their time booked and wasted. So those are the standards your DH could hold himself to if he wanted to.
Who are the posters, by the way, who think it’s okay to just ask for another slot because you missed actual parents’ evening? How many spare hours after school do they think teachers have? Do they miss GP appointments and then call the GP to ask if they could just give up another 10 minutes after work the next day?

This. I'm astonished that your DH's hypocrisy has escaped him.

While no one died he’s communicated pretty clearly that you and his children aren’t a priority for him at the moment. So while it might seem minor to him, really it’s representative of a wider issue in your relationship and he needs to take it more seriously. If he can’t accept fault and take responsibility though, the chances of him doing that seem slim.

This is the first time I've had that worry. Didn't let on about it to DS - think he forgot about it. Won't be so easy as he gets older though...

I sympathise. My DH looks at his personal phone just twice a day - 7am while getting train in to work, 7pm on way home. He then has dinner and works in his study. He even has message notifications turned off on his phone 24/7. It causes absolute chaos and is so frustrating (and due to his work hours i have to book a babysitter for any in-person parents evenings)

Also ..you said he's doing parents meetings. He can't leave when he's booked people in, even if he's running behind he still has to stay and get through the list of people waiting and turning up. He wouldn't have made it back anyway even if he did text you.

All these people saying it's unacceptable that he didn't check his phone ....I'd say its unacceptable that you expect him to check at work, even during lunch. Maybe he was eating and catching up with other teachers.

I would talk to your children's teacher in the morning and explain what happened, ask her is it possible to have a one to one when you pick the children up.

Gosh thats harsh for a Primary school. How are people who work and single parents expected to attend?

Our school they can go and there is a lego table they can sit at or waiting area if they prefer! Perhaps suggest it as an option to the school help those that need it!

I'm a teacher and leave my phone in the car. I have time to check it at lunchtime. No reason why he can't, he just doesn't want to. As a PP suggested, if you message him and he doesn't reply, use his work e-mail.

As for the PP who suggested the appointment could be re-arranged? Erm, nope.

As for the PP who suggested the appointment could be re-arranged? Erm, nope.

It would be possible in my kids' schools (primary & secondary). Tho I'd be mortified doing it if the reason was I just didn't show up!

People had emergencies before mobile phones, no?

If a parent missed their slot, I wouldn't be expected to arrange another appointment. Maybe send an e-mail.

Thanks for all the replies. This was our first parents evening - unfortunate that both my DPs and DSs schools had it on the same day. I thought it would be better to have it without the children there, but as many have suggested, obviously it isn't feasible, so I'll book an earlier one next time, and take the children.

Will also look at other methods of communication - work email / smart watch / tannoy(!!). To clarify too, it's not that I expect him to be on his phone a lot. It's in case of emergency once reception has closed for the day. And a quick lunch check, for moderately important things (which I'd be much happier if he could just remember). But the suggestions are a good workaround. I more than agree I shouldn't be his secretary - I also find this very aggravating. But have found it's the lesser evilism if it's a choice between that or him just constantly forgetting things, or breaking up.

If a parent missed their slot, I wouldn't be expected to arrange another appointment. Maybe send an e-mail
I probably should have said I'm in Ireland - perhaps a bit easier to do. Still, they obviously would facilitate you in their own time, not according to the parent's preference.

Anyway, that's why OP should have gone tonight - and had it put with DH later.

*out, not put

In many schools, yes. At mine they had to be out in our lockers or a locked cupboard.

Different head teachers/different academies have different rules, but yes, it's not at all unusual for them to have to be kept outside the classroom.

When my late DH was ill and at home with stage 4 cancer, I had special dispensation to keep mine in my desk drawer.

Nor at my DCs old primary. I had to get grandparents to sit outside with DC including week old newborn one year because no children at parents evening included newborns.

Well I would be turning up with mine

This was our first parents evening - unfortunate that both my DPs and DSs schools had it on the same day.

The odds were not in your favour! First parents evening ever and having a curveball thrown at you both of having to juggle two of them on the same night. Don’t worry overmuch, this is a small hiccup and occasionally parents evenings are missed.

Have you missed that the DH was doing parents’ evening at his own school??