To be fuming... missed parents evening.

[2under4]

My OH is a primary school teacher. He was so absorbed doing parents evenings for his pupils, he completely forgot about our child's (at another school). He'd known about it, and had said it wad fine. I'd purposefully got the latest slot (6pm) so that he would have plenty of time to get home, and put children to bed whilst I went. It meant getting ready for bed time for the kids, so wgen he didn't arrive home, I couldn't take them out yawning and playing up where they were really tired.

I'm also pissed off that I couldn't get hold of him. He doesn't check his phone from breakfast time, until whatever time he leaves work. I get that he can't have his phone on him all day as he's in a classroom, but I feel he should prioritise checking it quickly at lunch (I'd messaged him reminding him earlier), and at least have it on him, on silent, once the children have gone home. I think it's really unreasonable for him to just switch off from life for 10 hours a day, in case there's an emergency. Also because he is really forgetful, and I do sometimes message him reminders - not often, but stuff like today. I've asked him before to make more effort to be contactable, when appropriate. He told me today a flat no. He isn't going to check his phone, it's my responsibility to deal with anything that comes up. Presumably including the two days I work.

I'm fuming. He's saying "no-ones died" and telling me basically to get over it. No plan to change anything going forward. Am I overreacting?

Guess my DC's school is unusual then - part of the parents' meeting is the child showing pieces of their work and talking about them. To be fair, they are mostly earlier in the day, but 6pm surely isn't that late? Many chidren are being picked up from after school clubs then.

Very unusual for primary, yes.

6pm isn’t that late for school-age children but especially in the infants a large proportion of the children will have baby or toddler siblings, and as this thread has demonstrated many families don’t have a second parent or other family available to look after them at home. Both of my lovely babies turned into absolute demons between 5pm and bedtime and I could not have inflicted them on a parents’ evening!

My children's school moved to online parents evenings during COVID and stuck with it. They work really well and no problem with child cover etc! Also means everything runs to time as the video cuts off after alotted time! Might be worth exploring for the future.

You’re not being unreasonable per se but a bit over the top. There’s no reason why you couldn’t have taken the kids with you. Plenty of parents take kids to parents night. It was 6 pm, not midnight. Even if they’d been tired they’d have coped for one evening. Putting kids to bed at that time is ridiculous.

So no, not unreasonable to have expected more from him, but it was your choice not to go to parents night in the end as you easily could have done

She isn't a single parent though is she so she shouldn't have to live like she's one , what's the point in even having a dh if she has to do everything alone anyway

If he refuses point blank then start putting notes in his lunch box that would really embarrass him if he eats lunch with others, draw a few smiley faces and hearts on them too

What other slot? Parents' evening has gone.

So why should the teacher have to give up more time when another teacher has been so inconsiderate?

I’m a teacher too, and I’m also guilty of this. I got myself a smart watch that’s connected to my phone so that I can see texts and calls and reminders that pop up. It’s been a huge help.

As it’s just a quick chat with one teacher at primary I would have taken my kids with me.
Lots of single parents and parents who have at least one working far away do, I’m sure the school wouldn’t have complained

I agree, if he’s fairly local he should have made more of an effort as you’d previously talked about it.

Ask your dcs teacher if she/he can email you with progress and concerns and I would suggest you do the same.

It was 6pm.

You are utterly ridiculous for not just going and taking the kids.

Sorry.

Your post shows you have no imagination of what he is doing all day. He will NOT be able to check his phone while he has children with him (privacy), he will not be able to check his phone when he had parents with him, because that is rude. The total time this likely happened was for maybe 5 mins while he was on the loo. When my mum was a primary teacher, from when she took the kids at 8.45 till they left at 3.30 she often didn't have more than a couple of minutes without them. Even at "breaktimes" he will have break duties, or there will be a child who is upset and wants to talk to him, or feels sick and so needs one-to-one from him! My guess is didn't get a break from the kids from 8.30-3.15 and then had a constant stream of parents from 3.20-6. Not time to check a phone! Ring the school if you need him urgently, otherwise just deal with it. Plenty of professions would have long shifts without time to check phones.

Let’s be honest a female teacher would have known, remembered and followed through on these plans for their family. He needs to reflect on this and make meaningful change.

I manage to mumsnet successfully from school on breaks, I'm sure I could check my messages.

Another absolute dick of a husband.
He doesnt give a damn about anyone but himself and thinks hes more important than you in every way.
What a role model he is.
Why would u put up with this shit.

He sounds overworked and stressed out to me and that’s never good but I don’t think you’re overreacting either because looking after kids on your own is incredibly stressful at the best of times. My husband was the same when ours were at school. I worked and dealt with everything school and out of school related but that’s how it was 20 years ago but I deal with stress and pressure a lot better than he does so it was easier, not fair but easier.
I don’t know maybe instead of discussing it and asking him to do things just tell him “this is what your doing, get over it” They’re his kids just as much as yours🤷‍♀️

Literally everyone goes with their kids to the schools I've been to/worked at. It's completely normal lol. Also, of course he can't always check his phone. Next time, just go with the kids, you can't always rely on him to be around so you'll just have to do what a lot of us do and get on with things without the dad having to be there.

Yup. Way too much angst and drama. How ridiculous.

In the good old days before mobile phones, teachers could receive important phone messages via the school office. You're not going to abuse that but in your position I'd just phone the school if you need to contact him urgently. If he doesn't like that option then it's too bad because he's had the other option of checking his mobile and chosen not to.

I already explained I'm a teacher and would just arrange another meeting. It's not a big deal and something I do all the time.

My DH is a teacher and he manages to check messages and make phoncalls on his breaks. Even when he has duties he's able to juggle his time. If he tells me he'll be somewhere, then he is. If it's going to be difficult and unlikely he'll make it to an appointment then he tells me. He doesn't leave me waiting around wondering what's going on, because he's a decent person. Sorry to hear that your H left you hanging OP.

Also my kids' school tell us they prefer that the kids don't come along if possible. Different rules for different schools.

It’s bullshit on his behalf. Call it what it is.

Big man job syndrome.

If he wants to play this game I’d be happy to ring the school office everytime and announce it’s an emergency and you can’t contact him, until he learnt that he’s not so important in life that he can’t check his phone at lunch.

I don't know about other primary schools but the reception staff at my kids school leave way earlier than the teachers. If an emergency happened anytime after 4ish calling the school to get in contact with a teacher wouldn't work. She's said she totally understands not having a phone whilst the children are there but after surely he should be contactable in some way.

This is the case at my daughter’s primary school, and indeed was the case at my (different) primary school more than 30 years ago. Total pita.

You're over-reacting. You went to the parents' evening, so you can pass on any info. Surely you don't both need to go anyway? Be assured that if there were any issues with your DC, you would have been contacted about that outside of parents' evening. It's not as if DH was out having fun and completely forgot - he was actually working. If you couldn't get him on his phone ( he should really have turned it back on at the end of the school day), you could have phoned the school office.