To be fuming... missed parents evening.

[2under4]

My OH is a primary school teacher. He was so absorbed doing parents evenings for his pupils, he completely forgot about our child's (at another school). He'd known about it, and had said it wad fine. I'd purposefully got the latest slot (6pm) so that he would have plenty of time to get home, and put children to bed whilst I went. It meant getting ready for bed time for the kids, so wgen he didn't arrive home, I couldn't take them out yawning and playing up where they were really tired.

I'm also pissed off that I couldn't get hold of him. He doesn't check his phone from breakfast time, until whatever time he leaves work. I get that he can't have his phone on him all day as he's in a classroom, but I feel he should prioritise checking it quickly at lunch (I'd messaged him reminding him earlier), and at least have it on him, on silent, once the children have gone home. I think it's really unreasonable for him to just switch off from life for 10 hours a day, in case there's an emergency. Also because he is really forgetful, and I do sometimes message him reminders - not often, but stuff like today. I've asked him before to make more effort to be contactable, when appropriate. He told me today a flat no. He isn't going to check his phone, it's my responsibility to deal with anything that comes up. Presumably including the two days I work.

I'm fuming. He's saying "no-ones died" and telling me basically to get over it. No plan to change anything going forward. Am I overreacting?

This is two distinct issues.

First, on parents evening I think YABU to be fuming over the plan being unrealistic and failing. A primary teacher doing parents evening getting home with enough time for you to then go out to a parents evening at another school was never going to work. Your DH is right, this wasn’t an emergency and I don’t think it was him not checking his phone that derailed the plan. It was a bad plan to in with. Going forward, I would book an earlier slot and take the DC with you.

Second, how to contact him in an emergency. You call the school office and they then alert him. This is much more reliable than messaging a mobile and then waiting, potentially for hours, until he checks it. He will have his phone on silent/do not disturb when teaching class anyway. Saying he needs to check his phone in case of emergency is a bit overblown, because that isn’t how it would go. I had an emergency with a DC and because I was in a meeting, my DH called the PA who interrupted the meeting to alert me. He didn’t message my mobile or call it because he knew that while at work, I can’t just answer the phone or look at every message coming in as it comes in.

Is it really a thing that UK teachers can't have a phone in the classroom?

Yes on parents evening.

They say right thats 5 minutes I must move on to the next parent. Set an alarm on his watch or whatever. In corporate world a 5 minute presentation better damn well be 5 minutes or under.

No. Not in any I know. Just not allowed to get them out when teaching.

Then DH should have spoken up and said it wasn't going to work

In corporate world a 5 minute presentation better damn well be 5 minutes or under.

😂

Don't be mad! What happens at 5 mins?! I've often presented in corporate settings. Obviously you aim to stick to time - but you won't be shot if it runs over.

Fwiw, my kids' teachers do adhere pretty well to time slots. But still, it not an absolutely exact science.

No mobile phone signal except at far end of car park though!

if being a teacher is incompatible with his family life he should get a different job

I really think this sort of advice is flippant and dismissive because it is unrealistic to just get a different job that means all your work-family balance issues evaporate overnight especially in the current economic and jobs climate.

So it’s the DH’s fault for not realising his DW’s plan was a bad plan from the start? Right-o.

@mnahmnah our school does not allow children to attend parents’ evening so one of us always has to stay at home. Unless we pay a babysitter.

And how many minutes for fielding questions? Parents evening isn’t a presentation where no questions can be asked or answered.

No its not. If teaching is so special and not like any other job then it's reasonable to suggest he finds another job preferably one without kids so his own kids don't think he is prioritising other kids.

Yes. When she said this is the plan instead of saying yes I'll be back at that time he could have spoken up and said sorry but I'm terrible at controlling the length of parent evenings so I won't be home until 8

@Hairspray123 taking the kids along is not allowed at our school.

At 5 mins someone gives you a signal to wrap it up so the next person can have their turn

The watch thing is a brilliant idea, I hadn't considered it but yes that would solve that problem at least.

Yes it's absolutely the minimisation! It always escalates a problem, though.

If he was doing his teaching parents evening, then there was no way he would ever make it back for the time you wanted. He shouldn't have said it'd be ok. Very frustrating for you. But the issue was that he had said to start with it'd be ok. How old are your kids?

At 5 mins someone gives you a signal to wrap it up so the next person can have their turn

Yes, and the teacher will do similarly. It'll still take another few minutes to wrap up. As you say. 😑

It is terrible advice.

The kids are not going to think the DH is prioritising other kids when it is his job that means he could never have made it home in time for OP to then go out. Even if he had been reminded or remembered on his own. He wasn’t the single point of failure of a good plan. The plan was a bad plan, and they are both responsible for that. They just need a new plan for the next parents evening.

In the grand scheme of things, it is minor event to miss a parents evening, it isn’t the kind of catastrophe that warrants the “get a different job” advice which isn’t easy btw and perhaps will cause more problems than it will solve.

Yay he’s not teaching children anymore, he is who knows what working 9-5 and OP can go to parents evening 3x a year more easily but what about child care during half term? Term break? Summer holidays? OP won’t be on a reduced PT work schedule for ever, I’m sure she’d like to return to her career at some point. Congratulations, you’ve just made it millions of times harder on OP and her DH because they now have to find child care for all the school breaks because one of them isn’t a teacher any more.

So presumably your OH has emailed the teacher who's appointment he wasted, apologised profusely and asked to reschedule the meeting to another time?

Or is that another thing for you to add to your To Do list?

That's hilarious! Perhaps that's the way forward.

I prefer to think it was a joint mistake as they both agreed to a bad plan. The blame game is never productive and doesn’t help when moving forward to decide on a better plan that will work.

I’d be pissed off too but as he says no one has died. You will be as sick of parents evenings in a few years as the teachers are.

Oh stop.

Both OP & her H need to address this like adults. They are both disorganised.

OP was ridiculous not to just go, her H was equally so not to make a sustainable plan.

It isn't about lambasting her H & making it All His Problem.

Not that I'm aware of, although will ask him, thanks.