To be fuming... missed parents evening.

[2under4]

My OH is a primary school teacher. He was so absorbed doing parents evenings for his pupils, he completely forgot about our child's (at another school). He'd known about it, and had said it wad fine. I'd purposefully got the latest slot (6pm) so that he would have plenty of time to get home, and put children to bed whilst I went. It meant getting ready for bed time for the kids, so wgen he didn't arrive home, I couldn't take them out yawning and playing up where they were really tired.

I'm also pissed off that I couldn't get hold of him. He doesn't check his phone from breakfast time, until whatever time he leaves work. I get that he can't have his phone on him all day as he's in a classroom, but I feel he should prioritise checking it quickly at lunch (I'd messaged him reminding him earlier), and at least have it on him, on silent, once the children have gone home. I think it's really unreasonable for him to just switch off from life for 10 hours a day, in case there's an emergency. Also because he is really forgetful, and I do sometimes message him reminders - not often, but stuff like today. I've asked him before to make more effort to be contactable, when appropriate. He told me today a flat no. He isn't going to check his phone, it's my responsibility to deal with anything that comes up. Presumably including the two days I work.

I'm fuming. He's saying "no-ones died" and telling me basically to get over it. No plan to change anything going forward. Am I overreacting?

I work massively less hard then many people but, as a primary teacher, I never ever drop my kids at nursery and rarely pick them up. My husband does 🤷🏻‍♀️

But why should people be expected to check a mobile phone during the day? How do you think people managed before everyone became addicted to their phones?

H is a teacher, secondary. We live in a random black spot with no network and the wifi is shit. If I needed to contact him I'd have to call reception and they would go and find him.

Kids are in the same school and they can't message me until they are around 600m from the school.

I work FT and all of the kid stuff has fallen on me.

Well, they shouldn't.
But in this case nor should one person be having to remind the other, fully grown person of his duty to his children.

Speak to school they may be able to rearrange or do a telephone appointment

This too - I'm also very embarrassed on that front. Did try ringing the reception, but of course the people in the office had already gone home.

Does he not have a work email address you could reach him on?

How old are the children? Couldn’t you have just taken them with you when you realised he wasn’t going to be back?

So, he's teaching all day, then has parents evening for his class and then rushes off to another school for your child's appointment?
Poor guy.
Could you not go?
Many parents go with their own children.

The reason I couldn't have taken the children to parents evening is a few fold;

• I'd arranged it for dinner to be on the table for him and the children at half 5 when he was supposed to be in, so children were ready for dinner but hadn't eaten yet.

• The children are little - they've both also been under the weather, so were yawning and saying they were tired from quarter to 5. The 1 yo would have been crying most likely.

• I kept thinking "he'll be in in a minute", until it was too late.

• We don't have anyone nearby, who can babysit short notice.

Think will do the same in future. So many things to not do, to avoid a problem. Or just do myself. Does make me resentful though.

My dh doesn't check his phone. It's infuriating. He works from home so I've taken to making Alexa announcements to all devices to say "check your phone!" And if has interrupted a lot of meetings so he's started to check it now.

In your shoes I'd just phone the school and ask them to send messages every time.

100% agree.

And if being a teacher is incompatible with his family life he should get a different job

To be fair to him, I don’t get to check my phone until the end of the school day and today as it was parents evening it wasn’t until after that, if there was to be an emergency the people that would know have my school office number.
i can see why you are annoyed, but I can also see why from his point of view how easily this could have happened with no ill intent.

It's annoying OP, but it sounded like a plan set up to fail, tbh.

If he was also doing parents' evening, he was under pressure and 530 was unlikely.

I can't believe you didn't take the smaller kids with you. I know, dinner, tiredness, being unwell - it's not great. But for tonight, I'd have done it, it would be ok - and then you have a 'come to Jesus' talk with DH.

I'm a single parent, no support. When they were little I had to do all sorts of combinations of situations, less than ideal. I know you shouldn't have to, but it was silly to miss the appointment.

Indeed. His attitude is disgusting. I am a therapist. Obviously, I am 100% present for my clients when I work. I never switch my phone off though. I have it silent for every call except school and dp.

I tell clients at the outset, if my phone rings, it is an urgent family situation and I will answer it. Dp knows never to ring unless it is an emergency, and he never has in the 8 years we have had the arrangement (post dc).

School rang once, because dc had a head injury. Not deadly, but requiring me to pick up and go to a and e.

What if there is an emergency? No parent should just be off grid. Totally irresponsible.

Ex-husband is a teacher, we had this scenario of work coming first a lot. Including the don't contact me - I even had him saved in my phone with a reminder not to call before 6pm.
Personally I find the glorification of Teachers Moulding Next Generation, Sooooo Important!!! can give some (men) an ego that leads to neglecting the people who enable them to give so much to the profession. I found what ever I did was never as important. Ultimately him putting his pupils stats above our child was my tipping point.
Obviously I have a negative view from my own experience. And other (female) teacher friends etc seem to balance it and not let the job turn them into a dick.

Put your phone in your desk and do a quick glance as you grab your bottle of water. Stick it in your cardy pocket and look at it when you go for a wee when kids go for lunch???

phones aren’t allowed out of the staff room in most schools - safeguarding so quite a biggy to adhere to

He doesn't need to check his phone though. I don't know why everyone is fixated on that. He's a grown ass man with a job he presumably gets to on time. He needs to be on time for his family commitments and his dismissive attitude was horrible. The kids will pick up on daddy being too important to do anything with them but when it's other kids he's prioritising them.

Lunch- what is lunch?
See children out, marking, duty, parental emails, set up the afternoon lesson, see children back in (all totally unpaid)

We get it. Teachers are oh so busy.

In that case he could just look at the clock and go ah yes I must get home in time tonight.

Eat lunch, whilst marking and a quick glance at your phone. It’s do able and all I know, do it too.

In that case he could just look at the clock and go ah yes I must get home in time tonight.

on parents evening? Only if it’s a teams one, they automatically kick them out after the allotted time. Realistically teachers know better than most that parents evening is nothing more than a performance piece to keep parents happy.

I can completely see his side. I don't check my phone until I pick up my bag to go home either. If the was an emergency, my dh would ring the school office. DH and grandparents are listed as emergency contacts before me because I know I can't answer calls. Yes, I have breaks but I'm more concerned with having a wee and a drink than replying to a text.

I'm a bit confused about him having parents evening and being able to get home for 5:30, but if he did, all the more reason it was unrealistic to check his phone during a break, because he'd have to get everything done for the next day during break where as he'd presumably do it at the end of the school day. Busy days like parents evenings I can easily do a 14hr day with only breaks to shovel some food down and go to the toilet.

I mean he's fucked up a bit, but it doesn't seem very serious. Presumably you support your dc's education.