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Original poster

Friends treating our Easter invite as their “plan B”

170 replies

Housebuyingfamily · 13/03/2024 17:35

My DP and two DCs will be “home alone” for Easter as unlike most of our friends, not seeing extended family as they’re overseas.

As a long shot we put a message out to our friend group to see if anyone was also going to around, to our surprise a couple of people said they were around and had no plans.

We then thought, great, so the next day sent another message with an invite to those people to come ours on Easter Saturday for drinks and food. After a day or so they replied… to say they would let us know next week!

Am i going crazy or is this really rude? I know it’s Easter but we checked availability before messaging the invite. We only suggested it because they said they were free!

I’m minded now to pull the invite. I refuse to be anyone’s plan B!

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 13/03/2024 17:37

Your plan might not fill their timings of their fluid plan

NerrSnerr · 13/03/2024 17:38

They might be around with no firm plans but they may have things they plan on doing. We're around over Easter but wouldn't mean that we'd necessarily be free for a big thing.

Spinet · 13/03/2024 17:38

Maybe they are thinking of booking a few days break. Then you can see why they don't want to commit to a day. It's not a plan B thing.

bobotothegogo · 13/03/2024 17:39

Yeah, I'd tell them not to bother! Why say you're available and then hum and haw over if you can come for food and drinks? I'll come!

hopscotcher · 13/03/2024 17:41

I'd just hold this offer open for another week or so (unless you need definite confirmation sooner), then check with them again. They might just be trying to sort their plans a bit, not meaning to be rude.

Butterflyfluff · 13/03/2024 17:42

Did you say in your first message what your plan was?

Asking if people are ‘around’ is not the same as asking if they want to come to yours for food and drinks?

Maybe they thought you were planning to go somewhere

Icepinkeskimo · 13/03/2024 17:42

It’s just damn rude whatever way you look at it.
I would give yourself some “cool down” time first before you decide what to do.
I think we all have fair weather friends, however that being said far too many people cross that line and expect you to hang on their every word.

BobbyBiscuits · 13/03/2024 17:46

It sounds like a bit of an on the off chance thing, rather than you were going to do a full Easter lamb roast and chocolate egg themed stuff etc. So they may just see it as pop round if you like as opposed to something more formal. Don't take it to heart. Just message them again early next week and ask if they are coming as you'll get stuff in. If it's a no then you have not made an effort yet. It's still a kind gesture that they must surely appreciate even if they can't make it.

Whycantiwinmillionsandsquillions · 13/03/2024 17:48

I would leave it a bit longer. Then see if you want to stay in regardless of whether anyone else comes or not.
Tbh we had this a little when I used to host. People saying they would come to us first before going on elsewhere, others saying they would come after they had visited X and Y.
Seriously now I don’t invite anyone!
Too much hassle.
Friends have hankered after invites and I just Robt entertain it anymore.

Whycantiwinmillionsandsquillions · 13/03/2024 17:48

don’t

Topjoe19 · 13/03/2024 17:50

But aren't they your plan B? As if extended family weren't overseas you'd be seeing them?

willweregret · 13/03/2024 17:51

How about a half way measure of asking them to let you know by the end of the week so that you can make other plans if they're not coming?

Lovingitallnow · 13/03/2024 17:51

Asking is anyone around is not the same as inviting them over. i suppose they should have just said no.

PuppyMonkey · 13/03/2024 17:55

I’m not sure I like the “are you free xx date” approach, I’d like the full plan to be revealed before I say whether I’m free or not. Grin

MermaidGin · 13/03/2024 17:58

FGS maybe they have some stuff on and are just trying to work out timings. If they're your friends why not ask them? Getting in a big huff is a bit uptight.

VickyEadieofThigh · 13/03/2024 17:59

My answer to a vague question like that would be "Not sure yet - did you have something in mind?"

Octavia64 · 13/03/2024 18:00

I don't think they were rude.

You asked if anyone was around, to me that means I'm at a loose end around X time let's see if we can sort out something we both want to do.

I might not want to come to yours for the activity you have planned. Clearly they don't really either otherwise they'd have said yes.

Honestly, the problem with asking if people are available first is that the host then feels upset if people don't want to come but they might just not like your activity.

shenandoahvalley · 13/03/2024 18:02

I wouldn't have replied to your first message unless and until I knew I'd be available to meet up with you. Or, I'd have replied with "maybe, plans up in the air right now" if I wanted to leave the door open.

Bottom line is you're NOT their plan A. But, you also have nothing else to do! So, if you don't meet up you'll have your pride; if you do meet up you'll have company!

Original poster
Housebuyingfamily · 13/03/2024 18:03

Lots of good diverse replies, it seems to have slipped through for some pp but we DID follow up with a specific invite

OP posts:
FirstTime867 · 13/03/2024 18:04

I'm around does not equal I want to come to your house for drinks and food. It's a bank holiday, maybe they were looking forward to a break from work, sitting on the sofa. I know I am!

Your initial question should have said: is anyone around and if so, would you like to come to ours on Saturday for drinks and food?

Original poster
Housebuyingfamily · 13/03/2024 18:05

MermaidGin · 13/03/2024 17:58

FGS maybe they have some stuff on and are just trying to work out timings. If they're your friends why not ask them? Getting in a big huff is a bit uptight.

No. They explicitly said they didn’t have plans

OP posts:
FirstTime867 · 13/03/2024 18:06

So if people don't have plans, they should automatically want to spend their Saturday with you?

PuppyMonkey · 13/03/2024 18:06

You followed up with more details but you should have put all the details in the original message so they could decide if they want to do it or not.

MermaidGin · 13/03/2024 18:06

But you didn't tell them why.
Just ask them to let you know so you can plan?
Sorry OP but you do sound like hard work.

MiddleagedBeachbum · 13/03/2024 18:08

Thing is, I might feel a bit tricked into it.

When someone asks if you’re around, you say yes, then they ask you to something and you can’t really say no but you don’t want to go or commit yourself. I’d hate that.

It would of come across much better if you hadn’t found out their availability first, as it does feel a bit manipulative / controlling.
The problem is, if they say no thanks, I’m sure you’d be going, well they just said they were about?!

so you haven’t given them any choice tbh.
Id feel a bit backed into a corner.

I am also one of those people that’s very happy to socialise in public places but my idea of hell is going round someone’s house. I hate it!

so also bear that in mind with their responses, they may like you, but not want to go to your house. Honestly, I couldn’t think of anything worse to do over Easter!