Friends treating our Easter invite as their “plan B”

[Housebuyingfamily]

My DP and two DCs will be “home alone” for Easter as unlike most of our friends, not seeing extended family as they’re overseas.

As a long shot we put a message out to our friend group to see if anyone was also going to around, to our surprise a couple of people said they were around and had no plans.

We then thought, great, so the next day sent another message with an invite to those people to come ours on Easter Saturday for drinks and food. After a day or so they replied… to say they would let us know next week!

Am i going crazy or is this really rude? I know it’s Easter but we checked availability before messaging the invite. We only suggested it because they said they were free!

I’m minded now to pull the invite. I refuse to be anyone’s plan B!

Sometimes people don’t want to do things and that’s okay. If you interpret that as rude then that’s on.

It is rude if they don't say so, and keep someone else from making other plans over a Bank Holiday weekend.

I'm not doing anything over Easter. I love my friends but I don't want to see them that weekend.

They have said they are going to let OP know next week. This is perfectly acceptable, why do they have to RSVP immediately?

Holding time to ransom 😂

if they decline they don’t need to explain what they are doing instead.

Boundaries are fine. They are not socially inept at all. And if the invitees plan A is to be at home not doing anything, this is also fine

After the "we'll let you know next week" message you should have just replied along the lines of "oh no worries, we thought you were available. We'll arrange something another time"

I wouldn't see it as rude. I'd just give it a deadline for them to let you know so it doesn't affect your plans.

In no universe does me not having plans mean I want to spend time with anyone, usually means I'm looking forward to not being busy by myself.

They probably don't want to come but didn't want to say no straight away.

I'm in the same boat as the posters who'd be thinking that being around is different to being free at any point.

If the weather is nice on bank holiday weekends I'd generally pick the nicer days to do something outside. We're likely to be visiting relatives at some point over the weekend. We're also likely to want some downtime as a couple/family.

It would be reasonable to me for anyone to want to look at their plans/other potential commitments before rsvp-ing. I find the "I won't be someone's plan b" mentality a bit hard work because surely everyone with friends and family has to look at their diaries and consider their commitments.

That’s what I wanted to reply but decided it was passive aggressive and a tantrum. Based on the input I’ve had here, it seems the consensus is i was trying to lock them down or be manipulative. If that’s true then it’s just as well I didn’t send that too!

They could have stuff they need to do which aren't 'plans' as such. Like they've got the tesco delivery arriving in the afternoon and they have to pop the pharmacy before it closes for 2 days and they'd promised to go the shops for the neighbour etc etc. So no notable plans that you'd bore a friend with if they asked you if you had plans but enough to stop and pause if someone invited you round because you'd have to shuffle things around to be free. So the reality might be you're plan A and the time they need is to move around the chores to make themselves available.

They were your plan B.

'No plans' don't always mean I'm free to socialise. It sometimes means I want to recharge at home.

Being around is to me what people say a general thing

If I get or give a clear definite invite I expect a clear yes or no answer

If you want to nitpick and turn it into a thing then the original 'are you around' type thing started a general thing

If you needed a definite number thing I would have just sent the invite with RSVP details

I have no issue with what they did

I would tell them you’ve made other plans. They’ve behaved badly . As they said they’re free, they should just confirm or decline.

This is as clear as mud

You did DP and DCs will be home alone. Are you even going to be there?

@Housebuyingfamily they have said they will let you know next week? For an invite I wouldn’t usually be expected to RSVP immediately, two weeks before is acceptable isn’t it?

I think you have been too quick to be offended here

I should have just said the op is being dramatic instead

If you asked me if I’m ‘around’ this weekend I’d say yes, I’m around. However we have to get everything sorted for the week ahead, see some family members who are visiting this weekend - full details TBC - and take DC to a birthday party. So if you then invited me for drinks on Saturday I wouldn’t be able to confirm straight away. If you were my friend, I’d be trying to see if I could fit this in around all the other obligations. Drinks with friends would be the thing I’d want to do most, and my hesitation definitely wouldn’t be an indication of you being plan B.

Why?

That's rude. And passive-aggressive to boot.

It's an invitation. They are allowed think about it!

I mean sure, if you're not into having friends.

Just chill. There are a million non offensive reason why they might need time to think and plan the weekend together and why that guy not be immediate.

That’s what I wanted to reply but decided it was passive aggressive and a tantrum.

And you were right!

Based on the input I’ve had here, it seems the consensus is i was trying to lock them down or be manipulative. If that’s true then it’s just as well I didn’t send that too!

I don't think you are either trying to lock them down or being manipulative.

I just think you're expecting too much & being a bit unfair to them.

Amen!
So many people here not empathising with someone who also wants to plan her weekend.
The friends here sound like they take the OP for granted, and just expect her to be available should they decide to show.

Maybe they have other plans they are not sure of. Maybe they have something personal going on a don't know yet if up to it. Also they were your plan b too ...

They can say no thanks if that is the case. Not I'll let you know in a week (if nothing better comes up)

I hate it when people do this.
"Do you have plans" and "would you like to do a thing" are two very different questions.
It makes it awkward for the person to decline.
Best to be upfront in your first message. "We don't have plans. We're thinking of having a party/ going for a walk/ whatever. Would you like to join us"