Friends treating our Easter invite as their “plan B”

[Housebuyingfamily]

My DP and two DCs will be “home alone” for Easter as unlike most of our friends, not seeing extended family as they’re overseas.

As a long shot we put a message out to our friend group to see if anyone was also going to around, to our surprise a couple of people said they were around and had no plans.

We then thought, great, so the next day sent another message with an invite to those people to come ours on Easter Saturday for drinks and food. After a day or so they replied… to say they would let us know next week!

Am i going crazy or is this really rude? I know it’s Easter but we checked availability before messaging the invite. We only suggested it because they said they were free!

I’m minded now to pull the invite. I refuse to be anyone’s plan B!

In our group we meet up for dinners and drinks, they come to ours regularly. There’s no hidden or unpredictable meaning of “yes I’m about”

Exactly - so you’ve forced them to have to say yes, and now when that’s not worked you’re getting in a huff.

You could use this situation to reflect upon yourself and see how in other situations you’re controlling too….

Literally 90% of pp in the forum say this about other pps, it’s incredible predictable, and tiresome 🙄

Ok. Bye 👋

If someone asked me today if I'm around at Easter, I'd say yes.

However, in my head I'm waiting to see what the weather is like nearer the time, as we might book a few days away or go walking somewhere for the day if it's dry...

Therefore I don't have any concrete plans as it stands but I have various things I'd like to do weather dependent.

Maybe they're in the same boat?

AIBU?

consensus - yes

OP still refuses to acknowledge or reflect on their behaviour 🙄

Holy Saturday or Easter Saturday?

Fair point but this extended family
live abroad, they’re here only 3 times a year and this year not coinciding with Easter

wrong, my little keyboard warrior. If I wasn’t looking for input, and the opportunity to reflect, I wouldn’t have posted here in the first place - would I?

You're not coming across well here. You sound very disparaging of these people who come round to yours regularly, for dinners and drinks.

You have no idea what's going on: maybe one spouse can't stand it any more; maybe one of their kids has gone off yours; maybe they've had enough. Maybe they would rather meet you out at a restaurant or cafe or to do something other than go back to yours for food.

You're making this sound very much like you expect these people to come to your house, to eat, on that day, because they have no other plans. Surely you can't think that's reasonable?

Easter Saturday

Just because they haven’t got plans doesn’t mean they will want to or have to come to yours though.

They might want to chill out at home or don’t want to commit to anything right now

Definitely no disparagement as they’re good friends. But your other points are fair, they may well simply want to do other things, and are under no obligation to see us.

On a bank holiday weekend I think it’s fair enough that they want to wait and see. But if that doesn’t work for you then it’s also fair enough to cancel. I wouldn’t want to commit to a big thing on the 2nd day of a 4 day weekend without waiting and planning ahead either.

Also fair but there are 4 days off. Even if they come for drinks and food on one day there are still 3 days left

So yes I think that’s the annoying part, they’re in town but can’t even commit to
one day out or 4

Easter's still a fair way away - chances are your message got them thinking 'shit, what are we doing then!' Where's the harm? I can't follow what prep you'd be able to do now that you couldn't do next week.

I wouldn't interpret it as you being their plan B - just it's in the nature of fairly ad hoc arrangements to work like this.

You're a bit fomo here. Just chill.
Maybe they don't fancy being tied down. Don't take it personally.

Hard to hear, but had genuinely never considered that doing it like this could be perceived as manipulation or that we’ve backed them into a corner! As i mentioned they come to ours all the time (and are always the last to leave FWIW)

See this is why I hate people who do this.

Are you around next Saturday?

Yes,why?

Would you like to come alpaca riding in the mountains of Outer Mongolia?

No, actually, I'd rather rip my own head off but I've said I'm free now and you'll be all upset if I don't come.

I hate it when people do this! Why not just issue the whole invitation at one time?

Just because I'm 'free' doesn't mean I'll want to do whatever it is I'm being asked or invited to. Maybe they hadn't made concrete plans yet or maybe having a free day was the plan.

Most rational reply, thank you ☺️

they might be free currently but waiting to find out if a family member they’ve not seen in years is arriving that day or whatever. So yes you might well be plan B but with good reason? It’s fair enough to say they need to let you no rather than saying yes then cancelling later?

Noted

Thanks, a lot of sense

I don't think they are rude at all. Easter is a few weeks away; it's completely fine, and polite, of them to thank you for the invite & say they'll let you know next week.

I can't see why you'd be upset about it, at all.