Friends treating our Easter invite as their “plan B”

[Housebuyingfamily]

My DP and two DCs will be “home alone” for Easter as unlike most of our friends, not seeing extended family as they’re overseas.

As a long shot we put a message out to our friend group to see if anyone was also going to around, to our surprise a couple of people said they were around and had no plans.

We then thought, great, so the next day sent another message with an invite to those people to come ours on Easter Saturday for drinks and food. After a day or so they replied… to say they would let us know next week!

Am i going crazy or is this really rude? I know it’s Easter but we checked availability before messaging the invite. We only suggested it because they said they were free!

I’m minded now to pull the invite. I refuse to be anyone’s plan B!

What an original thing to say. Actually you sound like hard work.

This what they're doing, though.

Easter is still almost 3 weeks away, and the friends responded to the invite by saying they'd let OP know next week - they'll still be providing 2 weeks notice. If OP needs an answer before then for planning purposes (totally fine!), she should let them know that.

The friends aren't being rude or trying to leave OP hanging indefinitely.

Just wanted to add sometimes people might be going thru something you are not aware of so while it might seen like they are waiting for a better invite it may be they are just trying to get thru each day

Just wanted to add sometimes people might be going thru something you are not aware of so while it might seen like they are waiting for a better invite it may be they are just trying to get thru each day

I mean, maybe.

But equally, there's no need for any dramatic reason - it's fine to say, we'll get back to you next week.

They may have family that haven’t announced Easter plans yet. It’s still early. And they’d take priority over friends.

Please chill out, your going to ruin the friendship getting up tight and also posting on here.

Chill out and see what happens, or you'll have no friends to invite.

Hmmm, I don't know. I think I'd expect friends to give a bit more explanation as to why they would let me know next week. I find it slightly rude if that's literally all they said, but I wouldn't necessarily think it was rude in itself. Maybe close family has now said they'd like to do something for Easter, but they are faffing around about finalising it. Or maybe something came up inbetween saying they were free and you confirming. Or maybe they made a mistake and forgot they already had an invite. Who knows!

Any ruining is being done by the freinds

All of that. Because I don't have plans doesn't mean that I'm not going to have any, or that I'm obliged to accept your invitation.

Yeah, I’d wait a few days before withdrawing the invite and perhaps take them at their word that they will let you know. OP, I am one of those people that would actually want to wait and see how I felt closer to the time. I’m much better with more spontaneous plans because I’ll know at that point if I fancy something social or would just prefer to laze in bed. Especially over a long weekend and a very busy schedule usually. But my friends know this about me and don’t take it to heart and I’m very happy if plans go ahead without me too. Either way, I wouldn’t take it personally, especially if you guys often meet up and typically get on well.

You are not unreasonable to ask in advance or for feeling a little put out. It would be quite unreasonable to react when you’re not sure of their reasons.

I’m off work at Easter with no plans.

I shall fill my time with tidying, watching tv and listening to the St Matthew Passion. If it is nice weather I shall do these things in pants and a vest. At no point shall I enter anyone else’s home.

OP I really think you're getting an unreasonably hard time on here!

If we had no plans over the Easter weekend and received an invite from friends we liked in advance for one of those days I would have said yes!

But I know so many people, including my DH, who would be like "Oh sounds nice, let's confirm nearer the time" etc.

It drives me nuts, to both be on the receiving end of an invitation that I can't confirm because of DH's non-committal, or to not be able to confirm my own invitation because of non-committal friends! IME 50% of people are like this.

Thankfully the other 50% would be like ok, Easter Saturday we are now going to X's for lunch, so the rest of the weekend we are free to plan other things.

You seem to be getting a lot of flack on this one OP, although in my book you're absolutely right. It doesn't matter one iota when you asked them if they would like to come for drinks and food, whether it was in your first question, or the second. The fact is, they said they were free, and then when you issued a more specific invite, they gave delaying tactics. In my opinion if someone asks you if you'd like to come for food and drinks on a specific day, you either say yes please, or if it's not something you fancy, you respond with something like, 'sorry, since we said we were free, something else has come up, perhaps we can get together soon though?' As you picked up on, they're waiting to see if they get a better offer, then if they don't, they might decide to come over, although are still likely to let you down at the last minute if they were never keen in the first place. Personally, if my friends say they're free, and then give some dodgy delaying response, I would stop thinking of them as good friends, as they're clearly not that bothered about getting together.

Which is the Saturday after the bank holiday weekend.

I'd message back and say you need to know by X date, as you are putting in your food order (or whatever).
I hate the 'I'll let you know' stuff. Why should I wait around to see if you've had a better offer or can't be bothered? Is it ok for me to rescind the invite if I get a better offer?!?

In our house, I'd have replied to the group WhatsApp saying we had no plans but wouldn't check with DH before I replied as it's just a chat. If an invite then came in, only then would i go and check with DH, and odds on he'd say that he might want to do this, or is waiting to hear about that, so then I'd reply to you saying I'll let you know.

To me, if you said "anyone free for Easter and want to get together?" would mean Easter Sunday. So I might say that I am free but when your invitation for Saturday came in, it changes things and then it would definitely be a case of "I will let you know" if I have tentative arrangements with someone else.

I think that sounds good about needing to put in the food order! It let's you ask without seeming pushy.

FFS there is always one...........

Whilst it may not be technically correct, ask anyone you meet when they would consider to be Easter Saturday and they would say the Saturday in Easter weekend.

@Housebuyingfamily most people are being ridiculous here. If they are such good friends they can tell you why they need to wait til next week to let you know, in case they are planning on going away, or doing something else etc.

However, equally if you are good friends, you can also ask them!

I understand where you are coming from and would feel mildly irritated because I like a plan! But I think they are just locking down previous vague plans and seeing if it works. If they are good friends then I wouldn’t think you are a plan B or take it to heart.

And MN is definitely not a place to see ‘normal’ social interactions. The way some people behave regarding friends and socialising is rather different to how most people function in real life I think.

I think perhaps they haven’t decided if they want to go away for example.

I don't think the OP was intentionally trying to manipulate anyone, but she's probably a planner by nature, and the message she sent and her subsequent reply are based on her planning tendencies.

I, on the other hand am the opposite to a planner, and therefore am very wary of people trying to pin me down for future events. This is because I'm not mentally capable of thinking far ahead, while I'm struggling through the day to day. I wouldn't want to commit straight away to anything in 3 weeks time if it was bang in the middle of a few days off.
I would say that I'd let you know next week because that's the amount of time I'd need to consider what I actually did want to do.

I completely understand that occasionally I have to compromise and say yes, even if it makes me uncomfortable, because otherwise I wouldn't ever see my planner friends. However I am much more suited to a last minute spontaneous arrangement, where things are sorted a few days beforehand at most.

And this is exactly why I never reply with “yes” if anyone asks if I’m free.

People are being odd and goady for some reason.
You invited friends over and they are keeping you hanging on.
They are being rude.
If they can't make it they can tell you. Tell them you've made other plans since thy couldn't commit.