To think perhaps he deserved getting punched??

[Blouseybiggal]

Tricky one as far as I’m concerned - violence bad but this guy was being a homophobic dick so…

Friend’s brother is a bit of an arsehole, winds people up, thinks he’s funny. I have as little to do with him as possible as he’s a right wing type who always thinks he’s right and could start an argument in an empty room.

So, Jeff is in a bar with his girlfriend. A gay couple - one ‘girlie’ one more masc looking ( apparently) - stand near them at the bar ordering drinks, minding their own biz.

Jeff, loud enough for half the bar to hear, says ‘ I don’t get it. If you’re going to go for someone who looks like a man, why not just go out with a man’ at the couple.

The ‘girlie’ woman says ‘what did you say?’ To him, he repeats it, and she punches him in the face. He falls over, his girlfriend is outraged, the gay couple leave.

For what it’s worth, I’m genuinely surprised he doesn’t get thumped more often.

YANBU - he deserved that! Homophobic prick.

YABU - he’s entitled to his opinion, violence is never the answer.

That’s why I said imagine. I know how it was. I can read. I was highlighting double standards. Wouldn’t the punch have been caught on CCTV? No?

No. Violence isn't the answer.

One punch can kill.

So OP, do you think it is okay to punch someone for saying something you disagree with? Why don’t you do it then? See how far that attitude gets you. Inside a prison cell that’s where.

Yes, I agree.

While I don't condone violence, I think he was lucky that a sore nose and bruised dignity was all he got for mouthing off. There are plenty of people out there who don't give a shit about the ethics of a violent response and might punch him harder or even pull a knife on him.

I'm a bit confused by your post. You say gay couple (which means men) but then use 'she'. So was it a gay couple or lesbian couple? And I can't imagine a woman just punching a male stranger in the face like that, as women tend not to hit men knowing they are stronger, taller and pack more power than us. But either way, if your friend's brother was being homophobic and directly to their face, then he deserved the punch.

My daughter is gay and happy for the term gay couple. Gay means attracted to same sex, yes particularly of men, but can be used for women. It is absolutely not exclusively men and you can’t make up your own definition and decide every one needs to abide.

As noted...circumstances only matter in regard to mitigation, not guilt. What she did was illegal, regardless of what he said; the only circumstance in which her behaviour was justified (legally-speaking) would've been if she was acting in self-defence, which she wasn't.

Yes - great point!

I’m sure it would still be considered an assault, but something dramatic needs to happen to him. He needs a lesson which being asked to leave the bar doesn’t really provide.

And had he retaliated, punched her back, in self defence, you would expedition him to be arrested no doubt! He was wrong, utterly crass, but she landed the first physical blow.

‘And had he retaliated, punched her back, in self defence,

he didn’t though! Perhaps we just judge on the facts! Although I’m swayed by the fact that I know how smug and obnoxious he can be.

I’m gay as in a gay woman. I say gay, lots of women say gay. Sometimes I say lesbian.
I thought the other details in the post made it clear it was a female couple.

Does your friend realise that she has such an unpleasant person as a brother?

I agree

I was referring to the events before he was punched though

Gay means attracted to the same sex- men or women.

Plenty of women are boxers/weightlifters/kick-boxers etc.

Clearly this woman had a good idea of her capabilities since she took him out.

He wouldn’t have been asked to leave the bar for saying homophobic bollocks to them- in all the very many years of my life dealing with homophobia I’ve never known anyone removed from a venue for saying vile stuff.

It’s always been us that’s left because it’s annoying to be harassed and threatened when you are trying to have a quiet drink/sandwich. And quite often it’s dangerous for us to stay.

Do you have a problem using the word ‘homophobic’? It wasn’t just something the woman disagreed with like Eastenders is better than Corrie, or it always rains in Manchester- it was homophobic harassment.

Words like antisemitism, racism, homophobia and Islamophobia exist and are recognised in law for a reason.

No I do not. People have said homophobic, racist and sexist things in front of me. Do I punch them? No I don’t. Because violence is not the answer

@yourenottgebossoofme punching someone is also recognized by law as assault.

Bully for you.

I have had all manner of homophobic behaviour directed towards me-

ive been thrown out of cafes,

Followed for a mile down the road while people shouted abuse

refused entry to more venues than I can think of

attacked

had dog shit thrown into my property repeatedly

had drinks thrown at me

Been refused service all over the place

Been refused a smear test

Been refused sti checks

Had photos taken of me

Lost friends

My sons baptism was interrupted by homophobic shouting and aggression

Ive been refused entry into female changing rooms

Had my DW’s family disown us

Had my son aged 5 told he couldn’t draw pictures of his actual family at school

Spent years being told by teachers I was going to hell

I could go on…

I have never retaliated with violence of any kind- but I sure as fuck can see why this woman did.

Yep- the homophobia I’ve experienced ranges from assault to harassment to illegal discrimination. Funnily enough no bystander has ever pointed that out to me, but I’m sure plenty would have called the police if I’d given the picks the leathering they deserved (and I certainly could have before I became disabled).

I'm not going to vote as I think both are unreasonable. He is a dick clearly but violence to me is never the answer.

So while hin getting a come uppance is a nice idea punching to me is not ok.

Then why didn’t you contact the police? You keep saying how homophobia is illegal, so why didn’t you get the police involved with any of this?

Yes, but you can’t choose your family.

‘Then why didn’t you contact the police? You keep saying how homophobia is illegal, so why didn’t you get the police involved with any of this?’

I love the naïveté of this! Most gay people I know wouldn’t trust the police as far as they could throw them. The police have an appalling record when it comes to Their treatment of LGBTQ people.
Hate Crime is a new thing too, there were no laws in place to protect gay people, the opposite in fact.