To be annoyed that parents of blended families think they are in the same boat as me?

[Skg452]

Not the first time I've come across this but it really annoyed me yesterday.

New woman has started in work, pleasant enough, chatting yesterday and making small talk. I mentioned that I have 4DC she replied she also had 4DC and yes knew exactly how difficult it could be etc. after a few more minutes of chatting she then casually drops in that 2DC are hers and the other 2DC are her DP's

Ok so you don't have 4DC then.

I don't have anything against blended families (apart from the fact I grew up in one as a teenager and it wasn't particularly pleasant) but please don't say you have 4DC when you don't.

In my colleagues case her DC spent several nights at their dads and her DSC spent week about with their mum and dad. Completely different from myself who has 4 DC living with me full time.

I've come across this numerous times whilst out at farm parks and soft plays, apart from being regularly asked if all 4 are mine(!) I often get plenty people who like to chime in about how they also have a large family, but then it usually transpires that they are a blended family, lovely, but it's not the same so please don't say that it is.

From experience, blended families can often be more difficult than all natural families.

But, it’s not a race to the bottom. 🙄

I feel sorry for her that she's new at your work and you're pissed off with her when she's done nothing wrong.

Are you disgruntled because your DH has checked out of family life when raising his four children?

@KreedKafer normal people do not measure parenthood in sandwiches this has to be one of my favourite phrases I've seen on mumsnet

Why don't you get a dog so you can "trump" her

I can’t imagine having a blended family - must be a zillion times harder!

I had 4 kids in 5 years and did not find it too bad - it’s less pleasant now they are older because I am always running around dropping them to clubs. Otherwise I don’t really consider 4 to be any harder than 2 or 3? In fact I know people with 1 who have it significantly harder than me!!

Maybe yours are more spaced out? That would probably make it harder I guess?

Everyone has their own challenges - there’s little point comparing.

It’s a shame you want a medal for having four kids. You don’t need to be a genius to know that four children is hard work. What kind of recognition would be enough for you?

Did you have four children just so that you could play the martyr?

Wow is all I have to say here

I don't think you're trying hard enough, one of my nan's had 10 kids, the other 11...mind you it's also the reason I'm an only child!

Jeez! 🙄

Awwww I don't have that many, I'll have to go have a few more so I can win the martyr Olympics.

Or I could get with someone who has 5 or 6 kids, since the consensus is that step kids do count 🤣

Can't go being outdone by anyone.

Could I please have your address? One, so I can avoid your area, I don't think I'd enjoy taking with you and two, so I can send your blue Peter badge for being the only mother who works hard with her children.

I think you clearly have unresolved childhoods issues, please talk to someone, you might discover you're really a nice person.

Ok here's your competition on who has it harder, and by the way, DH and I are going to win.

I have four children. We're a blended family. We were both widowed so we have my two bio DC, his bio DD, and a joint bio DD who's still a baby.

So that is four children full-time.

Two of the kids are neurodiverse.

My DSD's so-called mother was an abusive alcoholic who has left DSD with trauma.

Think your life is harder than ours?

Out of interest, if you and your DH split up, would you then decide that you no longer had four children? Because that sounds bizarre to me, but is the logical conclusion of your argument that this lady doesn’t have four children, because two of them spent time with their own mother 🤔

If they all live with her then it exactly the same, even if she only has them on a weekend, while it may not be 24/7 it still has the logistical problems a family of 6 do. I have a friend who constantly goes on about how hard having 5 kids is and she understands what I'm going through (5 years between my 4 children, all under 10) but her eldest is 19, youngest is 5 and 2 of the teenagers live with their dad and come to stay once every couple of months so realistically its a family of 3 with 1 at uni so nothing like what I have but I just nod along politely as at the end of the day I have bigger things to worry about like dealing with the kids. Personally I would let it lie as she has a better understanding then most and there aren't many of us with large families that aren't blended.

Odd thing to be upset about. I’m one of four (now adult) kids, and if someone tells me they have 3 siblings too I’ve never thought to ask if they were full/half/step (mostly because I find that question unbearably rude - I have often been asked it because my youngest sister is 10 years younger than me).

Maybe it’s just a family thing - my mother would never describe her two brothers (one step and one half) as anything other than her brothers unless someone asked a question about genetics specifically.

Usually if I meet someone else who grew up with 3+ siblings of any variety, I just ask them if they also took years to get used to a quiet house 😂

What a thing to get annoyed about dear lord

Sounds to me OP that your unpleasant experience as a child of a blended family has made you resent children of blended families who are accepted and loved like their step parents own

Coming from a blended family, I'm incredibly thankful my Stepdad refers to me as his daughter and I'm not erased. Are you hoping for a medal because you have it harder? Being a stepparent is a pretty hard job, I know I didn't make life easy as a chosen daughter...sorry should I just be a STEPdaughter for your benefit? I think this is a nasty viewpoint as well as an unreasonable one.

OP has to make 4 sandwiches each morning, though. So I’ll let you be the judge of who has it harder 😂🤦🏻‍♀️.

Don't downplay ops difficult life, she also has 4 apples to put in their lunch bags, and possibly even a penguin bar too.

What an utterly ridiculous attitude. I have two biological children and one step son so I have three children. I would never dream of excluding my step son if a colleague asked me how many children I have and I believe that anyone who did would be absolutely flamed for it! You quite clearly have a chip on your shoulder for some reason.

Speaking as someone who also has 4 kids, erm, you chose to have 4 kids…