To be annoyed that parents of blended families think they are in the same boat as me?

[Skg452]

Not the first time I've come across this but it really annoyed me yesterday.

New woman has started in work, pleasant enough, chatting yesterday and making small talk. I mentioned that I have 4DC she replied she also had 4DC and yes knew exactly how difficult it could be etc. after a few more minutes of chatting she then casually drops in that 2DC are hers and the other 2DC are her DP's

Ok so you don't have 4DC then.

I don't have anything against blended families (apart from the fact I grew up in one as a teenager and it wasn't particularly pleasant) but please don't say you have 4DC when you don't.

In my colleagues case her DC spent several nights at their dads and her DSC spent week about with their mum and dad. Completely different from myself who has 4 DC living with me full time.

I've come across this numerous times whilst out at farm parks and soft plays, apart from being regularly asked if all 4 are mine(!) I often get plenty people who like to chime in about how they also have a large family, but then it usually transpires that they are a blended family, lovely, but it's not the same so please don't say that it is.

Would you like a medal for choosing to have 4 children?

Do you think a single parent of 4 who has their DC 50% of the time is a parent of 4? Or 50% of 4, so only 2?

This is so weird.

One of my best friends has 3 children. She doesn't judge me for moaning to her on occasion because I have 1 less child.

People's situations are rarely identical but still have their hardships.

I agree with all the PPs in she was prob trying to make common ground
however
my mum has 2 dc. My stepdad has 3. All by different women, none of them women are my mum.
my mum told me once ‘when one of us is asked how many children do we have, we say 5’
yes of course it’s very inclusive of an answer
however both my mum and stepdad ultimately refuse to parent eachothers children. My mum refuses to see 2 of his, and I don’t get on with him.
blended or not, all 5 children have never been in the same room at the same time (I don’t think)

I have 4DC full time, 24/7, 365 days a year, all 4 SEN and varying other medica issues.

You are being incredibly dramatic and disrespectful to other families. Your situation isn't worse or harder it's different to theirs yes but that is all.

Blended families have a whole different dynamic that they have to contend with which in many ways puts a traditional families daily dramas to shame. You are not special and neither is your situation. I would be incredibly embarrassed if I thought this way, let alone go online to rant about it.

One of my best friends only has 1 child.
I think i have to end the friendship. I mean, i have 3, how cld we be friends?
I dont know anyone with 3 though, wtf do i do now?

MmmmI see your ppint that they are decietful and not saying STEP.

I , myself, have the opposite issue in the past when say FIVE DC........ ???????? Replies like " oh are they ALL yours ???????". And I have to explain how I pushed them out my body." I should not have to explain..

You sound unbearable one of those people that argue anything and have an opinion about everything. What are you actually looking for here because it seems like you want praise for having 4 children and by the way I’ve got 4 and have never been asked if they are mine once, I also know plenty of blended large families and would dream of diminishing their struggles or compare their family to mine (even if you didn’t say it to them you definitely think it)

You seem extremely discontent and unhappy with having four children, why did you have four if you find it so difficult and unrewarding?

Blended families have challenges that you as a seemingly perfect family don’t have to deal with - being judged by a work associate is one that shouldn’t be added to the list.
You chose to have 4 DC so if you have issues then it’s yours to deal with.
I feel sorry for the new associate, you need to have real problems.

So you are cross that she doesn't have to pick up and cook for 4 kids everyday single day like you do? She still has to deal with 4 separate personalities, problems and needs. Blended families have their own challenges and this woman has 4 children involved in that, and honestly a lot of blended families will face far more challenges than you are facing with your own biological children. Personally I don't describe either of my partners sons as mine or even my step children to be honest. Of course I care very much about them ect but they have a perfectly good mother so don't need me to be one too. But I wouldn't question anyone that chose to include their step children as their own.

I have 4 dc (as in actually 4 according to your rules OP-they all came out my vagina). And I think you are being ridiculous.

There is a woman like you at my work, she’s got 3 kids the younger being twins. She took great delight in telling people how hard she had it-I used to hear her moaning on a regular basis, then a few months later we were introduced and she started with how hard her life was with 3 kids and blah blah blah. She piped down a little when I responded I have 4.

It isn’t a competition!

You’re being unreasonable and quite ridiculous, sorry.

On a nicer note, is there something else going on that would make you fixate on something so trivial? I used to get wound up about small stuff and it was an anxiety symptom.

My fiancé, who I will be married to next year has 4 children, they are not biologically mine but I live with them. I am there for everything and I do everything a mother is supposed to do for them. They see their actual mother every other weekend. But myself and partner are bringing them up. Does that mean I don’t qualify as a “parent” because it isn’t by blood or marriage just yet. Even though I am there every single day of the year. I find this post utterly ridiculous. I see those children as my own, and they see me as an additional parent/ provider. I take them to school, look after them when they’re sick, comfort them when they’re sad, get them up, put them to bed, feed them, look after them, play with them etc. The fact you have 4 children by blood doesn’t make you a parent. Showing up does.

Honestly, you do sound petty, she's just making conversation and how nice that she refers to them as just children and not step-children and doesn't leave them out! You really seem to be trying to make something out of nothing, it's not a competition in whose life is harder!

Why have you made it a competition? What a strange thing to be annoyed about.
You are very strange!!

surely it’s a nice thing that a step parent clearly sees them as their own?

Part time kids???
so I have kids who go to dads half the time what should I say when someone asks how many I’ve got?

I’ve done having kids and being together and the blended family and trust me neither are any easier. Infact I find it personally harder organising and running things now as you have to negotiate rotas, birthday, Christmas, co parenting when you may not get along etc

My Dad and Step Mum always say they have three children despite us being “blended.” I think you have picked an odd thing to get upset about because of your own experiences. It’s lovely if people view their step children as their own. I do feel a bit odd if people refer to my step mum as my mum (my mum died a long time ago), but appreciate they don’t mean any harm by it.

My child goes to nursery 5 days a week what % do I take off for that?

Well you still need to be on stand by for calls for sickness and stuff, and your kid is in nursery so still quite dependent on you, so I would probably take off maybe 20% for nursery, so you're only 80% of a parent to one child. WAAAAAAY behind the op.

I have 2 adults, 2 teens and 2 kids, one adult doesn't live here, but visits often, so I'm going to give myself 10% for him, the others all have work/school/college so the adult and teens I'm going to say 25%, then the little ones take a bit more do I'll go 50% for them.

Overall I'm, on average, 30% of a parent to 6 kids. However I feel like I get bonus points for birthing them all. So I'll go 50%.

Maybe op could come back and clarify the rules though, since I'm just guessing.

Imagine if you were in competition with Sue Radford!! 4 is nothing, stop being ridiculous 🙄.
And I have 4 that I gave birth to also.

I'm from a blended family. 3 children in total my parents counted all of them as being their own children. My stepdad is my dad, I see him as such and he treats me as his daughter. All grandchildren are treated the same. OP you need to stop judging people based on your own experience

This! We have a date night every week but it's in the house once the kids are asleep. We find things to try/do that we can do from home and phones are banned. Actually enjoy this a lot more than spending loads on a meal neither of us will enjoy as much as one we have cooked.

I’m sorry OP but you sound ridiculous you decided on 4 DC why are you so annoyed at this did you stop counting after the second one and then suddenly realised you had 4.

I have twins and the amount of times people have made comments like ooh I know what it’s like to have twins my second cousin who lives at the other end of the country had twins or I had a 18 month old and a newborn so practically twins. Do you know what I do smile and let them talk absolute waffle and carry on with my day.

Are you actually being serious with this post?
just because a person doesn’t physically give birth doesn’t mean they can’t look at a child as their own

you clearly require some sort of help/counselling as it seems that you are very bitter that this didn’t happen to you as a child

i love my bonus children and would always count them in with the others as I like them all to be treated equally and fairly as it should be.

I also send two Mother’s Day cards every year one to my mum and one to my step mum