To be annoyed that parents of blended families think they are in the same boat as me?

[Skg452]

Not the first time I've come across this but it really annoyed me yesterday.

New woman has started in work, pleasant enough, chatting yesterday and making small talk. I mentioned that I have 4DC she replied she also had 4DC and yes knew exactly how difficult it could be etc. after a few more minutes of chatting she then casually drops in that 2DC are hers and the other 2DC are her DP's

Ok so you don't have 4DC then.

I don't have anything against blended families (apart from the fact I grew up in one as a teenager and it wasn't particularly pleasant) but please don't say you have 4DC when you don't.

In my colleagues case her DC spent several nights at their dads and her DSC spent week about with their mum and dad. Completely different from myself who has 4 DC living with me full time.

I've come across this numerous times whilst out at farm parks and soft plays, apart from being regularly asked if all 4 are mine(!) I often get plenty people who like to chime in about how they also have a large family, but then it usually transpires that they are a blended family, lovely, but it's not the same so please don't say that it is.

I assume you chose to have that number of children? And you knew you’d have to be feeding them/clothing them/ bathing them etc before you had them?
I’m not sure why you think it’s a competition.

I have 4 DC (all my own) I'd take the work of 6 DC over the challenges of blended family TBH. We didn't have family support so literally just DH & I and paid for childcare.

I was previously a step-parent it's is in most cases for more difficult.

Says the pot to the kettle.

Eeveryone has challenges regardless of family make up.

It's not a competition and you are being ridiculous if you think you can screen people's opinions and words.

Poor woman was only making polite conversation.

I'm in no way unhappy with my situation, but it's not easy.

DH works long hours with a big commute, he's extremely hands when here but most of the week it's just me and the kids.

Again that was my choice but it's just nice sometimes to chat to other mums who actually "get it"

Hold the phone. You're not a single parent then?

You are beyond belief.

I feel like I'm missing the real reason why this is annoying you so much.

Do you feel like their life is easier because some of the children spend a few nights elsewhere every week? Do you want them to acknowledge that you are busier and more burdened? Or are you offended at being grouped with "broken" families when you family is not? Or do you feel pride in having given birth four times and want acknowledgement of this achievement? Is being the biological mother of numerous children very central to your identity?

If you didn’t want to do 4 school runs and get 4 children ready, and wanted date nights… you shouldn’t have had 4 children! It’s quite simple.

I had one child. Plenty of date nights and only one school run. Bliss!

Obviously it is important to establish a hierarchy and your supremacy over people who don’t have ‘real’ children In their fake family.

They're four children not four atomic bombs.
And I say that as a mother who birthed all four of mine so am entitled to an opinion apparently.
Seriously OP chill

Do you want an award OP, for choosing to have four kids and that being harder than having 2? If not, what on earth is your issue? It isn’t a competition! Her saying she has four kids doesn’t undermine that you find having your four hard work. You are being a bit odd about it!

@Skg452 are your children really close in age? All young?
I have 4 dc and don't find it hard work but they're not all close in age so don't all need looking after at once, so maybe it's that.

I have friends who have beautifully blended families. Tbh if they didn’t do their utmost to include and care for all children involved, they wouldn’t be my friends.

I have what people consider lots of bio kids, and am a completely lone parent. My friends who are in couples with children across different homes have a lot more legwork than I have, but share lots of aspects of parenting - and I’m really not complaining! The back and forth, shared calendars, not stepping on toes, driving miles to pick up/drop off, balancing act is not for the faint of heart.

We all are just trying our best and loving the children in our lives, surely? I’d be saddened to hear someone talk as if their partners’ kids weren’t part of their family.

Have you considered she includes her SDC in her ‘count’ as she considers them family and wouldn’t want to, even in conversation where they are not present, treat them as if they were not?

I always include my step children in conversation in this way. Not because I’m joining in some mad pissing contest as to who has the hardest life, but because my step children are children of my family and it doesn’t occur to me not to include them and I will always do what I can to ensure they know they are included. Because I love them and they are children and they don’t need to feel like they don’t belong.

Do you maybe think @Skg452 that your life experience of blended family may slightly skew your opinion of them?...

Her issue is she has a very judgemental attitude towards step/blended families and no doubt single parents. I'm going hazard that the words 'broken homes' are never far away from being uttered.

Does it matter? or rather why does it matter to you?

I sometimes get irked inwardly about people saying to me twins is harder. Personally, I think not. I've got two under a year apart - 2 pregancies not one which took it's toll in a short time and without any of the perks of twins. Would much rather have had twins, two babies at the same development point rather than one who was ok to have playdoh and one that was absolutely not. Both babies though still.

BUT it was my choice. I made a hard parenting decision.
Does it really matter what other people think?
You know you have it hard. But you also chose this.

Feels like you need a big pat on the back for making life intentionally hard for yourself!?! (can't understand why anyone would choose to have 4 kids but that's just me!)

Then find some parents of 4 biological children to fulfil that need. Don’t rely on work colleagues who are probably just trying to make some polite conversation.

Sounds like you're finding it difficult having 4 DC? you chose to have 4 DC surely?

part time kids

Ouch. Dare you to go and tell a single mother to her face that because she has shared custody of her kids that she has "part time kids".

I had a little sympathy for you before OP, but you're vile.

I'm not saying blended families are easy, far from it, but it's not the same as having part time kids who live elsewhere, sometimes their time at their other parents overlaps meaning she gets a date night with her DP. That doesn't happen in my house because it's just me and DP.

You know that her DC have a different father to the man she is living with now and assuming she has loads of child free nights to have date nights. You must have been able to fit in a few date nights considering you have 4 DC!

That doesn't happen in my house because it's just me and DP.

1. You don't have to go out to have a date night
2. If it was that important to you, why did you have so many children
3. Don't get at other people because you made poor life choices
4. Get a babysitter

"Part time kids "? Yeah, you're unhinged and more (not sure if I can say it directly on here)

Do u want a medal for having 4 kids?

Ffs do you have any real problems?! You’re annoyed about this?! This is not a thing.