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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boss wouldn't let my mum go to gym

252 replies

EmsHugs · 11/03/2024 20:46

So my sister is a live in nanny to a very wealthy family. She has done this for over a year and loves it. The family treat her well, pay her well and she has her own 2 bed cottage on their estate. My mum went to stay with my sister this week and the shit hit the fan over my sister's boss not letting my mum use her gym and pool on Mother's day. My sister and I both think my mum is being utterly unreasonable in her reaction but would love to know others thoughts.

Background. My sister works in a very rural area. Her employers are more than happy for her to have people to stay with her but just ask that she lets them know in advance. My sister stays here rent and bill free as part of her package. Being Mother's day weekend, she had the weekend off and my mum chose to go visit. It is a very rural location so my sister's boss asked what food she would like for her and my mum (a weekly food order also paid for by employer). She also gave my sister a bottle of champagne to enjoy with my mum. Essentially my sister's boss also paid for mum's food for weekend. Anyway while my sister is free to wander around the private gardens, gym, swimming pool etc and use as she wants on her time off, Her boss has said when she has guests to stay she prefers to agree a time for my sister and her guest to use the gym/pool for both her privacy and my sister and guest. This seems to have been fine and the arrangement worked on the Saturday but on the Sunday my sister's boss asked my sister not to use either the gym or pool, sauna and to not come across to the house as she wanted the place to her and the family. My sister was fine with this but my mum seems to have hit the roof, as she was looking forward to a swim and sauna. She apparently kept badgering my sister to text her boss to arrange a time as she didn't think she would be using it all day and it was unfair to change the agreed plan last minute. When my sister refused she threw a strop. Her boss later text her and said that she was sorry she couldn't accommodate my mum but her own parents were visiting and she wanted it to be free all day because she didn't know when her mum and dad would be using it. It turns out my mum had just gone straight to the house and asked. My sister had a go at my mum, as she said her emplyer was already being nice letting her nad mum use her facilities but mum did not see it that way in the slightest. My mum is now telling my sister she is a mug and is being really horrible about the family she works for and that my sister is pathetic for being such a walkover and letting another adult dictate her life.
She phoned me thinking I would take her side but personally I feel my sister's boss is very generous to my sister and was very accommodating to my sister's guest.

Would be curious to know what others think.

OP posts:
owlsinthedaylight · 11/03/2024 20:48

Your mum is a CF

BoohooWoohoo · 11/03/2024 20:49

Your mum is massively unreasonable and risks making sister’s job harder. If I was boss I’d be saying no to your mum staying at the property in future.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 11/03/2024 20:49

Your Mum is an absolute loon. Really out of order jeopardising your sister's relationship with a good boss.

Lesson learned hopefully, never invite her back!

Zippedydoodahday · 11/03/2024 20:50

Your mum is behaving awfully. It's very unreasonable of her to have gone to the house to ask against your sister's wishes. That's really awful and could have caused a major issue with a less understanding boss.

Pippa246 · 11/03/2024 20:50

Your mum is being VU. Employers sound more than generous and your mum’s poor behaviour risks your sister being allowed such freedoms wrt people staying, use of the pool etc. I would be mortified and fuming if my mum (or anyone) did something like that!

Alwayswonderedwhy · 11/03/2024 20:51

How embarrassing. If I was your sister I wouldn't let her stay again.

Bumblebeeinatree · 11/03/2024 20:52

If I was sister I would never invite mum again.

Pinkbonbon · 11/03/2024 20:53

Imagine just rocking up to someone's house and thinking you can use their sauna. I'd be telling her to leave if I was your sister.

VioletPickles · 11/03/2024 20:55

Reverse?

Pollyannamex · 11/03/2024 20:55

Your mum is being massively unreasonable! What a cheek.

Cherrysoup · 11/03/2024 20:58

You know your mum was totally unreasonable. I’m appalled by her behaviour, she’s put your sister in a very difficult position. I bet that’s the last time your mum is invited there. I wouldn’t be surprised if your sister gets a bollocking.

Sirzy · 11/03/2024 21:01

Your sister needs to tell her Mum she can’t come and stay again. She can’t risk her job for the sake of her mums selfishness

HateMyselfToo · 11/03/2024 21:03

YANBU - Your mum is a CF and I hope your sister never jeopardises her employment by inviting her again.

TheSnowyOwl · 11/03/2024 21:04

She’ll be lucky to be allowed to stay again.

Createausername1970 · 11/03/2024 21:05

The employers sound great.

Your mum sounds very unreasonable.

If I were you sister I would not let mum anywhere near the place again.

shiningstar2 · 11/03/2024 21:06

What a shame that your mum seems to be prepared to jeopardize your sister's good relationship with her boss. The boss seems aware that living so rurally it's difficult to get to off site gym ect and has very kindly offered her home facilities to her live in staff. Of course this comes with conditions. This is the boss's home and she is entitled to enjoy it with her own guests at any time. She provided lovely food and champagne. She allowed the use of the pool on Saturday. Why shouldn't she enjoy her own facilities with her own family on mother's day. It can be very difficult for both employer and employee living in such close proximity. Your mother is in danger of spoiling a good worker Ng relationship between your sister and her boss.

Gymmum82 · 11/03/2024 21:06

I’d be mortified. Apologise profusely to my boss and promise I would never allow my mother to visit again. Your mum is completely nuts and an absolute CF

LeroyJenkinssss · 11/03/2024 21:08

Noooooo your poor sister!! God I’d be so mortified and would never let my mom stay again. I take it your mom has form for this kind of thing though? No one behaves so utterly appalling out the blue…

moonfacer · 11/03/2024 21:08

I would advise your sister to never let your idiotic and entitled mother to stay there again.

LittleMissSleepyUK · 11/03/2024 21:08

Id be horrified! Surely she can’t think it was acceptable

HesterPrincess · 11/03/2024 21:09

Wow. I'd never ask her back. The shame of it. Your poor sister.

Apollo365 · 11/03/2024 21:10

I hope your sister is ok, this is embarrassing and awful of the mum!
Hope she’s allowed guests again..

gamerchick · 11/03/2024 21:10

Maybe visits should be sacked off for a bit, if the mothership can't behave herself. Embarrassing for your sister man.

Londonrach1 · 11/03/2024 21:11

Your poor sister. This is her job and sounds like her employer is more than kind. It's not a hotel. Your mum is a cf. Your sister shouldn't have her to stay again.

RedRobyn2021 · 11/03/2024 21:13

Cringing 😬 your poor sister that is so embarrassing