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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boss wouldn't let my mum go to gym

252 replies

EmsHugs · 11/03/2024 20:46

So my sister is a live in nanny to a very wealthy family. She has done this for over a year and loves it. The family treat her well, pay her well and she has her own 2 bed cottage on their estate. My mum went to stay with my sister this week and the shit hit the fan over my sister's boss not letting my mum use her gym and pool on Mother's day. My sister and I both think my mum is being utterly unreasonable in her reaction but would love to know others thoughts.

Background. My sister works in a very rural area. Her employers are more than happy for her to have people to stay with her but just ask that she lets them know in advance. My sister stays here rent and bill free as part of her package. Being Mother's day weekend, she had the weekend off and my mum chose to go visit. It is a very rural location so my sister's boss asked what food she would like for her and my mum (a weekly food order also paid for by employer). She also gave my sister a bottle of champagne to enjoy with my mum. Essentially my sister's boss also paid for mum's food for weekend. Anyway while my sister is free to wander around the private gardens, gym, swimming pool etc and use as she wants on her time off, Her boss has said when she has guests to stay she prefers to agree a time for my sister and her guest to use the gym/pool for both her privacy and my sister and guest. This seems to have been fine and the arrangement worked on the Saturday but on the Sunday my sister's boss asked my sister not to use either the gym or pool, sauna and to not come across to the house as she wanted the place to her and the family. My sister was fine with this but my mum seems to have hit the roof, as she was looking forward to a swim and sauna. She apparently kept badgering my sister to text her boss to arrange a time as she didn't think she would be using it all day and it was unfair to change the agreed plan last minute. When my sister refused she threw a strop. Her boss later text her and said that she was sorry she couldn't accommodate my mum but her own parents were visiting and she wanted it to be free all day because she didn't know when her mum and dad would be using it. It turns out my mum had just gone straight to the house and asked. My sister had a go at my mum, as she said her emplyer was already being nice letting her nad mum use her facilities but mum did not see it that way in the slightest. My mum is now telling my sister she is a mug and is being really horrible about the family she works for and that my sister is pathetic for being such a walkover and letting another adult dictate her life.
She phoned me thinking I would take her side but personally I feel my sister's boss is very generous to my sister and was very accommodating to my sister's guest.

Would be curious to know what others think.

OP posts:
Riverlee · 11/03/2024 21:14

Createausername1970 · 11/03/2024 21:05

The employers sound great.

Your mum sounds very unreasonable.

If I were you sister I would not let mum anywhere near the place again.

This

Zanatdy · 11/03/2024 21:15

She’s well out of order. It’s their family home not a hotel. I bet your sister is mortified

EmsHugs · 11/03/2024 21:16

Thanks. I told my mum as much but she seems to not think so and thinks the boss she be bending over backwards for her, as my sister spent Xmas away with this family rather than with us. (Obviously not taking on board my sister happily chose to be in a fancy villa in Whistler then the Caribbean on time and a half) Thankfully her boss was very understanding, she divulged that she would likely get on with her MIL as she is likewise just as entitled but sister is still embarrassed as she feels it reflects badly on her.

OP posts:
Witchbitch20 · 11/03/2024 21:17

Your sister needs to assure her boss, Mother will never be invited again.

justtidying · 11/03/2024 21:17

Gymmum82 · 11/03/2024 21:06

I’d be mortified. Apologise profusely to my boss and promise I would never allow my mother to visit again. Your mum is completely nuts and an absolute CF

This

theonlygirl · 11/03/2024 21:18

Your sister needs to keep your mum well away. Awful behaviour.

MCOut · 11/03/2024 21:19

Your poor sister. Your mother’s behaviour is shocking. I hope she doesn’t invite her again.

betterangels · 11/03/2024 21:20

Your sister is lucky the boss is understanding, or your cheeky fucker of a mother could have ruined a great deal.

olympicsrock · 11/03/2024 21:20

Wow your poor sister. Your mum was totally out of order

Aviee · 11/03/2024 21:21

Have they got any jobs going? Grin

shoppingshamed · 11/03/2024 21:22

Unless your mum rocks up not a single person is going to think she was right

Is it her norm to behave in such a classless way?

potaytopotahto33 · 11/03/2024 21:25

The boss sounds lovely! If I ever become a multi-millionaire and have household employees this is how I'd treat them (haha... a pipe dream, but still).
Your mum either has a complex about the 'richer' employers or is unhappy with your sister choosing to be away from family, or her fortunate position with such a nice employer, and is trying to punish/sabotage her.

CustardySergeant · 11/03/2024 21:25

shoppingshamed · 11/03/2024 21:22

Unless your mum rocks up not a single person is going to think she was right

Is it her norm to behave in such a classless way?

Well, the vote isn't 100% in the OP's favour, so there are a few other CF's who think the mum was right.

Thank goodness the boss was so kind and understanding.

Letsgetouttahere2023 · 11/03/2024 21:25

Omg your sister would be wise to never invite your mum again

Her job and boss sound like a dream

Wtaf was your mum playing at!!!

potaytopotahto33 · 11/03/2024 21:26

CustardySergeant · 11/03/2024 21:25

Well, the vote isn't 100% in the OP's favour, so there are a few other CF's who think the mum was right.

Thank goodness the boss was so kind and understanding.

I'm in a generous mood today, so hoping the 2% who voted YABU have just clicked on it by accident..! If not, they're the OP's mum!

EveryDayIsASchoolDayOnMN · 11/03/2024 21:30

Now I know exactly what second-hand embarrassment feels like.

Am blushing for your mum's behaviour 😳

SummerInSun · 11/03/2024 21:33

Gymmum82 · 11/03/2024 21:06

I’d be mortified. Apologise profusely to my boss and promise I would never allow my mother to visit again. Your mum is completely nuts and an absolute CF

This. Your sister needs to be very clear that she didn't know your mum was going to do this in advance, and that won't allow your mother to come again.

Has it entirely escaped your mother that she could quite easily have cost her daughter her job?!?!

Dogdilemma2000 · 11/03/2024 21:34

Your mum is being an entitled nutter.

Hatty65 · 11/03/2024 21:35

Your mother is both rude and a lunatic. I'd be mortified if I were your sister.

lap90 · 11/03/2024 21:36

Your mum is risking your sister's job behaving completely unhinged.

If i was your sister i would not have her back.

EmsHugs · 11/03/2024 21:37

She can be slightly entitled and has got worse as she has got older but is not normally this bad. If I was being sympathetic, I could just about understand this reaction at say a hotel but as everyone has said it is this woman's home. She just seems to think my sister is worshipping this woman because she is rich. My mum is a bit Hycianth Bucket at times and I think this type of wealth irks her because she will never have it.

My sister's employers are very rich but there has never been any indication they treat anyone badly or look down on anyone. Infact it almost seems that weird reverse snobbery of my mum judging the boss.

OP posts:
WoodBurningStov · 11/03/2024 21:38

I'm afraid it does look bad on your sister, your Mum was way out of line

EveryDayIsASchoolDayOnMN · 11/03/2024 21:39

has got worse as she has got older but is not normally this bad

Cue all of the "has she got early dementia" comments

CantFindTheBeat · 11/03/2024 21:42

I expect your mum will not be a welcome guest in future.

EmsHugs · 11/03/2024 21:42

EveryDayIsASchoolDayOnMN · 11/03/2024 21:39

has got worse as she has got older but is not normally this bad

Cue all of the "has she got early dementia" comments

See kept pointing out to my sister she was an ardent socialist and republican growing up. So she hasn't forgotten a damn thing :) 😀
She mentioned the wife as being nouveau riche ffs. Th3 woman shops at waitrose once a year at Christmas and puts her Lidl shop in a marks bag. Just very clear she is a snob

OP posts: