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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boss wouldn't let my mum go to gym

252 replies

EmsHugs · 11/03/2024 20:46

So my sister is a live in nanny to a very wealthy family. She has done this for over a year and loves it. The family treat her well, pay her well and she has her own 2 bed cottage on their estate. My mum went to stay with my sister this week and the shit hit the fan over my sister's boss not letting my mum use her gym and pool on Mother's day. My sister and I both think my mum is being utterly unreasonable in her reaction but would love to know others thoughts.

Background. My sister works in a very rural area. Her employers are more than happy for her to have people to stay with her but just ask that she lets them know in advance. My sister stays here rent and bill free as part of her package. Being Mother's day weekend, she had the weekend off and my mum chose to go visit. It is a very rural location so my sister's boss asked what food she would like for her and my mum (a weekly food order also paid for by employer). She also gave my sister a bottle of champagne to enjoy with my mum. Essentially my sister's boss also paid for mum's food for weekend. Anyway while my sister is free to wander around the private gardens, gym, swimming pool etc and use as she wants on her time off, Her boss has said when she has guests to stay she prefers to agree a time for my sister and her guest to use the gym/pool for both her privacy and my sister and guest. This seems to have been fine and the arrangement worked on the Saturday but on the Sunday my sister's boss asked my sister not to use either the gym or pool, sauna and to not come across to the house as she wanted the place to her and the family. My sister was fine with this but my mum seems to have hit the roof, as she was looking forward to a swim and sauna. She apparently kept badgering my sister to text her boss to arrange a time as she didn't think she would be using it all day and it was unfair to change the agreed plan last minute. When my sister refused she threw a strop. Her boss later text her and said that she was sorry she couldn't accommodate my mum but her own parents were visiting and she wanted it to be free all day because she didn't know when her mum and dad would be using it. It turns out my mum had just gone straight to the house and asked. My sister had a go at my mum, as she said her emplyer was already being nice letting her nad mum use her facilities but mum did not see it that way in the slightest. My mum is now telling my sister she is a mug and is being really horrible about the family she works for and that my sister is pathetic for being such a walkover and letting another adult dictate her life.
She phoned me thinking I would take her side but personally I feel my sister's boss is very generous to my sister and was very accommodating to my sister's guest.

Would be curious to know what others think.

OP posts:
Tozin · 11/03/2024 23:21

My eyes popped out! One of the most CF posts I’ve ever read!

The family own the house and pool and should be able to dictate when they use it who is welcome to borrow it.

Goodness your sister must be absolutely mortified.

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 11/03/2024 23:24

Your poor sister!

If the two holiday destinations you mentioned are accurate, maybe it's worth editing them out... wouldn't want the boss' comments about their MIL making it into the Daily Mail when she'd probably read it and guess who it was!

Moveoverdarlin · 11/03/2024 23:25

Your Mum is a freeloader. I hope she hasn’t ballsed things up for your sister, it sounds like she’s got a lovely little set-up.

Angelsrose · 11/03/2024 23:25

Op, you and your sister sound lovely and reasonable. I hope your Mum was having an off day and will revert back to normal soon. I also hope your sister's job isn't jeopardised as her employers sound absolutely amazing!

theduchessofspork · 11/03/2024 23:26

Your mother seems to be experiencing a second adolescence.. she was totally out of order

Towerofsong · 11/03/2024 23:26

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 11/03/2024 23:24

Your poor sister!

If the two holiday destinations you mentioned are accurate, maybe it's worth editing them out... wouldn't want the boss' comments about their MIL making it into the Daily Mail when she'd probably read it and guess who it was!

@emshugs

This. It will probably be in the daily mail by tomorrow if it's not pulled

Sockmate123 · 11/03/2024 23:26

owlsinthedaylight · 11/03/2024 20:48

Your mum is a CF

What does CF stand for?

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 11/03/2024 23:27

Wow, your mum's behaviour was outrageous! I'm glad your sister's employer was sympathetic; I think I would have combusted from embarrassment.

SadlyACupOfTeaDoesNotSolveEverything · 11/03/2024 23:29

Sockmate123 · 11/03/2024 23:26

What does CF stand for?

Cheeky fucker

Dontbuyaglasscoffeetable · 11/03/2024 23:31

I put that yabu, but only because your mother has caused a huge embarrassment for your sister and now the whole story is on the internet.

TakeOnFlea · 11/03/2024 23:32

It'll be you that loses your sister her job if the boss sees this!

Fukuraptor · 11/03/2024 23:32

"...my sister is pathetic for being such a walkover and letting another adult dictate her life."

It sounds as if your mum doesn't have a problem with this as long as she is the adult dictating!

KomodoOhno · 12/03/2024 00:00

I feel so sorry for your sister she must be so embarrassed. Your mum has truly made a fool of her self snd should be ashamed. I'm sure she isn't though people like this never get they are wrong

Crumpleton · 12/03/2024 00:20

My mum is now telling my sister she is a mug and is being really horrible about the family she works for and that my sister is pathetic for being such a walkover and letting another adult dictate her life.

Does your DM realise that she is also trying to dictate how your DS runs her life.

It wasn't much of your DS employer to ask for sole use of their own property for one day.

Not to dictate to your DS but if it were me I'd never let your DM stay again.

Seeingadistance · 12/03/2024 00:34

owlsinthedaylight · 11/03/2024 20:48

Your mum is a CF

Yep.

Meadowfinch · 12/03/2024 00:44

Your mum is ignorant, has appalling manners and is spectacularly rude. That is someone else's private home.

If I were your dsis' boss, your mum would not be welcome to stay again in any capacity.

Hopefully they know your dsis well enough to accept it is only your mum who is the problem.

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/03/2024 00:52

So Ma decided she was on a free spa weekend and then kicked off when it didnt actually turn out that way as the people who own the facilities wanted to use them! She probably wanted photos to imply that she was enjoying the pool at her daughters home, so implying that your DSis owned the house, something she will almost cetainly have done before.

How fucking mortifiying for your sister!

If I was her I would be making it clear that it would be the last time she would stay over there.

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/03/2024 00:53

Sockmate123 · 11/03/2024 23:26

What does CF stand for?

Cheeky Fucker

Achillo · 12/03/2024 01:21

It's great you can support your sister who is blameless, and help her make stronger boundaries with your mum.
By the way, I totally felt I was settling in to read a great chick lit novel with the whole setup there. You described it all so well. It made me want to know lots more.
In case you are ever thinking of writing a book!

tkwal · 12/03/2024 01:22

Your Mum is being very unreasonable. It sounds like she thinks the "big house" is open to all instead of grateful for being allowed to share in what is a perk of your sisters job

Garlicking · 12/03/2024 01:35

I bet your mum would pretend not to have any money at the bar ...

Boss wouldn't let my mum go to gym
DreamTheMoors · 12/03/2024 01:48

Hatty65 · 11/03/2024 21:35

Your mother is both rude and a lunatic. I'd be mortified if I were your sister.

A ruditic.

JMSA · 12/03/2024 01:50

God, she's an embarrassment Blush

ThomasinaLivesHere · 12/03/2024 03:25

Dontbuyaglasscoffeetable · 11/03/2024 23:31

I put that yabu, but only because your mother has caused a huge embarrassment for your sister and now the whole story is on the internet.

This. If I were you I’d try get this taken down in case it ends in the media.

user1492757084 · 12/03/2024 03:32

Your poor sister! Her livelihood was at risk.
Your mother behaved badly as a guest; completely out of line.
Is she a Narcissist?

Your sister would have apologised but I think your mother should apologise too, in a note along with thanks for the generous way she was treated on her weekend stay.

Your mother should not stay there again. She can't be trusted to accept boundaries clearly set out by her hosts.