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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boss wouldn't let my mum go to gym

252 replies

EmsHugs · 11/03/2024 20:46

So my sister is a live in nanny to a very wealthy family. She has done this for over a year and loves it. The family treat her well, pay her well and she has her own 2 bed cottage on their estate. My mum went to stay with my sister this week and the shit hit the fan over my sister's boss not letting my mum use her gym and pool on Mother's day. My sister and I both think my mum is being utterly unreasonable in her reaction but would love to know others thoughts.

Background. My sister works in a very rural area. Her employers are more than happy for her to have people to stay with her but just ask that she lets them know in advance. My sister stays here rent and bill free as part of her package. Being Mother's day weekend, she had the weekend off and my mum chose to go visit. It is a very rural location so my sister's boss asked what food she would like for her and my mum (a weekly food order also paid for by employer). She also gave my sister a bottle of champagne to enjoy with my mum. Essentially my sister's boss also paid for mum's food for weekend. Anyway while my sister is free to wander around the private gardens, gym, swimming pool etc and use as she wants on her time off, Her boss has said when she has guests to stay she prefers to agree a time for my sister and her guest to use the gym/pool for both her privacy and my sister and guest. This seems to have been fine and the arrangement worked on the Saturday but on the Sunday my sister's boss asked my sister not to use either the gym or pool, sauna and to not come across to the house as she wanted the place to her and the family. My sister was fine with this but my mum seems to have hit the roof, as she was looking forward to a swim and sauna. She apparently kept badgering my sister to text her boss to arrange a time as she didn't think she would be using it all day and it was unfair to change the agreed plan last minute. When my sister refused she threw a strop. Her boss later text her and said that she was sorry she couldn't accommodate my mum but her own parents were visiting and she wanted it to be free all day because she didn't know when her mum and dad would be using it. It turns out my mum had just gone straight to the house and asked. My sister had a go at my mum, as she said her emplyer was already being nice letting her nad mum use her facilities but mum did not see it that way in the slightest. My mum is now telling my sister she is a mug and is being really horrible about the family she works for and that my sister is pathetic for being such a walkover and letting another adult dictate her life.
She phoned me thinking I would take her side but personally I feel my sister's boss is very generous to my sister and was very accommodating to my sister's guest.

Would be curious to know what others think.

OP posts:
Thegoodbadandugly · 12/03/2024 07:11

Your mum was being really cheeky.

Beautiful3 · 12/03/2024 07:16

Of course your mum was being unreasonable. How embarrassing.

Nazzywish · 12/03/2024 07:24

What kind of mum jeopardises their child's job like that for their own gain.

She's an awful woman- your sister should say she is no longer welcome on site and your mum can learn her lesson the hard way

Dacadactyl · 12/03/2024 07:27

YANBU and your mum is way out of line!

cerebuswannabe · 12/03/2024 07:29

I hope your sister never lets your mum visit again or at least not stay in the cottage she lives in. Your mum is definitely a CF.

facepalmdaily · 12/03/2024 07:30

YANBU, your mum is BU. It's not a spa, it's someone's home!

Justleaveitblankthen · 12/03/2024 07:31

Wow! Your mum is the biggest CF seen on here in quite a while!
Your Sister's boss is an Angel.

Lampslights · 12/03/2024 07:36

Wow your mums behaviour is well out of line. She is not entitled to use someone else’s facilities, I’m struggling with someone behaving quite so badly. She’s clearly envious and wants what they have and looked on this as a luxury trip for her. I’m aghast she went up to the house and asked after she got a no. She should be ashamed of herself.

Lampslights · 12/03/2024 07:37

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 12/03/2024 06:55

because of this:
sister is still embarrassed as she feels it reflects badly on her.

the situation most likely won’t be improved if her employers read about themselves (be it on mumsnet or some sort of newsoutlet).

Why? The posts are all on the families side. There is nothing negative about them here.

Pipsquiggle · 12/03/2024 07:37

Yep your mum is a blatant CF.

How awful for your sister. Your mum has put her in a really difficult position

Are you going to show your mum this thread?

willWillSmithsmith · 12/03/2024 07:38

Wow what an entitled madam your mother is. I wouldn’t be inviting her over to their estate ever again. How embarrassing for your sister. Is she always a CF?

Epidote · 12/03/2024 07:49

Your mum is taking the piss.

Towerofsong · 12/03/2024 07:49

Lampslights · 12/03/2024 07:37

Why? The posts are all on the families side. There is nothing negative about them here.

Because it's not the OPs own situation to post about.
Her sister has already had her CF mum jeopardise her relationship with her employers.
And now her sister has put it on Mumsnet and it's one of those posts that the media like.

Does DS even know it's on here?

Coconutter24 · 12/03/2024 07:51

Does your mum realise it’s someone’s home she is staying in and not a holiday cottage?! She sounds massively entitled and your sisters boss has been very fair and generous towards them

Lampslights · 12/03/2024 07:56

Towerofsong · 12/03/2024 07:49

Because it's not the OPs own situation to post about.
Her sister has already had her CF mum jeopardise her relationship with her employers.
And now her sister has put it on Mumsnet and it's one of those posts that the media like.

Does DS even know it's on here?

Look you’ve made your point. The op is a grown up. She’s comfortable with it. Many of us are as well. You have made your point repeatedly. Any more and it moves to harrassment.

MandyFriend · 12/03/2024 07:57

Your Mum is being extremely entitled and rude. This is someone's home, not a luxury spa hotel!

Sunflowerfieldsinsummer · 12/03/2024 07:58

Is your mother usually this mad/entitled? Presumably this sort of behaviour hasn’t just sprung from nowhere?

CultOfTheAirFryer · 12/03/2024 07:59

Click baity title. Should be “Boss wouldn’t let mum treat her private home like a public spa facility.”

TheLambtonWorm · 12/03/2024 07:59

No more visits to the estate and free swimming and saunas for mummy dearest then. What a fool she is.

shoppingshamed · 12/03/2024 08:03

Lampslights · 12/03/2024 07:56

Look you’ve made your point. The op is a grown up. She’s comfortable with it. Many of us are as well. You have made your point repeatedly. Any more and it moves to harrassment.

It's not about the OP, you're totally missing the point, it's about posting someone else's life who hasn't agreed to be discussed, albeit anonymously but idetifably on a public forum

Maybe the boss wouldn't care but she's not being given the option to choose

Daffodilsandtuplips · 12/03/2024 08:10

Your mum has a cheek and could so easily lose your sister her job. Perks of a job are just that, perks, not a right and generally only for the employee.
Her employer sounds more than fair to her and I’d be reconsidering some of those perks if I was her employer.

Someone I know had good 33% discount off purchases from the department store she worked at. The discount was only for employees, Her father in law wanted a new television and asked her if she’d get one for him with the discount off, she said yes but she was on her long weekend off and he’d have to wait until the Tuesday. When she went back to work she was called into the office and told that her FIL had tried to get the discount off himself using her name. She was given a verbal warning over it. The store mangers knew it went on, they did it themselves but so long as it wasn’t obvious they turned a blind eye.
He didn’t get the telly and she refused to do it for anyone else after that.

Hippyhippybake · 12/03/2024 08:15

There wouldn't be much left on Mumsnet if people never discussed aspects of other people's lives who hadn't consented to it!

Also struggle to see how it makes a newsworthy story - mum of Nanny knocks on door and asks to use Sauna / Pool of wealthy person and is told No.

TonTonMacoute · 12/03/2024 08:16

Your mum sounds a complete fucking nightmare. If I was your sister I wouldn't be inviting her to stay ever again.

ntmdino · 12/03/2024 08:20

Nazzywish · 12/03/2024 07:24

What kind of mum jeopardises their child's job like that for their own gain.

She's an awful woman- your sister should say she is no longer welcome on site and your mum can learn her lesson the hard way

It's not even for some sort of tangible gain - it's a couple of hours, max.

FFS, that's the sort of thing that deserves none of her kids taking her calls for a while.

Nohabrápazparalosmalvados · 12/03/2024 08:22

Is your mum a narcissist? I can’t see other explanation for such an appalling behaviour

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