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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boss wouldn't let my mum go to gym

252 replies

EmsHugs · 11/03/2024 20:46

So my sister is a live in nanny to a very wealthy family. She has done this for over a year and loves it. The family treat her well, pay her well and she has her own 2 bed cottage on their estate. My mum went to stay with my sister this week and the shit hit the fan over my sister's boss not letting my mum use her gym and pool on Mother's day. My sister and I both think my mum is being utterly unreasonable in her reaction but would love to know others thoughts.

Background. My sister works in a very rural area. Her employers are more than happy for her to have people to stay with her but just ask that she lets them know in advance. My sister stays here rent and bill free as part of her package. Being Mother's day weekend, she had the weekend off and my mum chose to go visit. It is a very rural location so my sister's boss asked what food she would like for her and my mum (a weekly food order also paid for by employer). She also gave my sister a bottle of champagne to enjoy with my mum. Essentially my sister's boss also paid for mum's food for weekend. Anyway while my sister is free to wander around the private gardens, gym, swimming pool etc and use as she wants on her time off, Her boss has said when she has guests to stay she prefers to agree a time for my sister and her guest to use the gym/pool for both her privacy and my sister and guest. This seems to have been fine and the arrangement worked on the Saturday but on the Sunday my sister's boss asked my sister not to use either the gym or pool, sauna and to not come across to the house as she wanted the place to her and the family. My sister was fine with this but my mum seems to have hit the roof, as she was looking forward to a swim and sauna. She apparently kept badgering my sister to text her boss to arrange a time as she didn't think she would be using it all day and it was unfair to change the agreed plan last minute. When my sister refused she threw a strop. Her boss later text her and said that she was sorry she couldn't accommodate my mum but her own parents were visiting and she wanted it to be free all day because she didn't know when her mum and dad would be using it. It turns out my mum had just gone straight to the house and asked. My sister had a go at my mum, as she said her emplyer was already being nice letting her nad mum use her facilities but mum did not see it that way in the slightest. My mum is now telling my sister she is a mug and is being really horrible about the family she works for and that my sister is pathetic for being such a walkover and letting another adult dictate her life.
She phoned me thinking I would take her side but personally I feel my sister's boss is very generous to my sister and was very accommodating to my sister's guest.

Would be curious to know what others think.

OP posts:
Clarinet1 · 11/03/2024 21:43

Sorry, your Mum is an entitled CF.
Quite apart from the wealthy background etc, when you are a guest in someone’s home you fit round them - don’t demand to watch certain TV programmes that the host doesn’t want to for instance. Then again, as the host it is nice to give your guest some choices!
I hope that there is no backlash on your sister.

Lantyslee · 11/03/2024 21:43

Your Mum needs to butt out of your sister's life. It sounds like your sister has got a great set-up with very good employers.

SoEmbarrassed2024 · 11/03/2024 21:44

Another one who thinks your mum was completely in CF territory. Your sister's boss does not need to give her (let alone her guests) any access to the pool or gym, and certainly doesn't need to cover your mums food for the weekend. It isn't a bloody hotel and the owner is perfectly within their rights to say 'sorry, no access today as we are using it' I just hope she hasn't caused your sister any problems

If I was your sister I wouldn't let your mum visit again

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 11/03/2024 21:44

Your poor sister. I can't believe your mum would embarrass her like that and potentially cause an issue with her employer who has been more than generous.

DrJoanAllenby · 11/03/2024 21:45

There doesn't need to be a back story. The gym and swimming pool belong to the owner and the owner decides who can or cannot use it.

Perhaps your mother would also like to drive one of the owners cars as well?

cherish123 · 11/03/2024 21:45

Your mum is v rude. Your DS boss is very generous.

Testina · 11/03/2024 21:48

Clearly your mum is utterly unreasonable.

But if I were the employer, I would be pretty annoyed at this becoming MN fodder. I’d actually go so far as to speak to your sister and ask her to tell you to never do this again. It’s not overly identifiable (though it’s not not identifiable, if you know them I expect) but in principle they know that their nanny’s sister isn’t at all discreet. That would be a problem to me.

ThePoshUns · 11/03/2024 21:48

You sisters boss sounds very generous. Your Mum was out of order.

BMW6 · 11/03/2024 21:50

If I were your sister I wouldn't ever have my Mum set foot in the estate ever again!

Your Mum is beyond unreasonable. Awful. Your poor sis must be so embarrassed.

Saymyname28 · 11/03/2024 21:52

Your sisters boss sounds incredibly generous. Your mum sounds appallingly behaved. How humiliating and quite frankly, damaging to your sisters job.

If I was your sister she wouldn't be welcomed back. God how rude to walk into someone's house while they have visitors and demand access to their private facilities. Fuck me, and your daughters employer of all people. Your sister could lose all such privileges over behaviour like that, and even her job with a less understanding employer.

BakedTattie · 11/03/2024 21:56

This is like a scenery from a frieda McFadden book! Your mum would definitely be the main suspect.

heatherwithapee · 11/03/2024 22:03

Testina · 11/03/2024 21:48

Clearly your mum is utterly unreasonable.

But if I were the employer, I would be pretty annoyed at this becoming MN fodder. I’d actually go so far as to speak to your sister and ask her to tell you to never do this again. It’s not overly identifiable (though it’s not not identifiable, if you know them I expect) but in principle they know that their nanny’s sister isn’t at all discreet. That would be a problem to me.

This. @EmsHugs please consider asking MN to remove this post to protect the privacy of the families involved (unless you have changed a lot of details).

Birch101 · 11/03/2024 22:06

Your mum has behaved appallingly and I feel so sorry for your poor sister

PlumbersWifey · 11/03/2024 22:11

I'd ban her from having guests over now if that's how I was treated.

EmsHugs · 11/03/2024 22:12

heatherwithapee · 11/03/2024 22:03

This. @EmsHugs please consider asking MN to remove this post to protect the privacy of the families involved (unless you have changed a lot of details).

It is quite alright. There is nothing identifiable within my post. No mention of locations or names, no. Of children etc.

OP posts:
clpsmum · 11/03/2024 22:28

HollyBollyBooBoo · 11/03/2024 20:49

Your Mum is an absolute loon. Really out of order jeopardising your sister's relationship with a good boss.

Lesson learned hopefully, never invite her back!

This

owlsinthedaylight · 11/03/2024 22:37

EmsHugs · 11/03/2024 22:12

It is quite alright. There is nothing identifiable within my post. No mention of locations or names, no. Of children etc.

Yes, but if the boss stumbled across the thread she would most definitely know it was about her family.

MuddlingThrough1724 · 11/03/2024 22:39

If your mum was expecting a spa weekend, she should have booked to go to.......a spa.

So astoundingly rude and entitled, and very much risking her daughters employment with what sounds to be an incredibly thoughtful and generous employer. I would be making it very clear she qasnt welcome back tbh!

YireosDodeAver · 11/03/2024 22:45

Mum is being vv unreasonable.

The employer and her own parents have every right to exclusive use of their special facilities on a special day like mothering sunday.

The employers are straggeringly generous to give all the benefits they do (assuming that this is all on top of a fair wage) and it's total CF territory to expect more and horrifically inappropriate that the mum went and begged at the door without her daughter's knowledge.

ginandbearit · 11/03/2024 22:47

She sounds bitter and envious, "nouveau riche" indeed, some people behave very weirdly around the rich .

Ponderingwindow · 11/03/2024 23:06

Your sister should visit with your mother off property from now on. She should not trust that your mother will not jeopardize her employment even if it’s just a brief visit.

Wetblanket78 · 11/03/2024 23:08

NU it's their home they wanted to spend the day as a family in their home. They don't have to let any guests use the facilities at all.

FirstTime867 · 11/03/2024 23:10

Wow your mum is being spectacularly unreasonable and that family sounds lovely. I'd be so upset if I was your sister!!

Bluegray2 · 11/03/2024 23:17

Your mother is being completely unreasonable and ungrateful and sounds quite jealous as well as behaving like a child

PiggieWig · 11/03/2024 23:21

Your mum has mistaken your sister’s workplace for a hotel.

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