To be angry that DH was mean to me on my birthday

[Onlywantoneday]

So it was my birthday the other day. It started off good, DH organized home made cards from the kids which I got up to which was lovely, I was hoping to go out for the day but DH and DS 1 and 2 have all been ill the past few days so I didn't expect them to all come out while full of cold, we can do that another day.
I know this sounds childish but I didn't even get a homemade Cake! DH blamed me for forgetting to buy flour as we don't really do shop bought as most of them taste gack, and then later on in the afternoon while I was sitting out in the garden enjoying a bit of sunshine he came out and started manking and moaning that I hadn't picked up the dog poo for a couple of days! Now it is usually my job to do this as he is doing a lot of renovation work around the house etc etc which I am okay with, but I just thought on my bloody birthday he could of just not said anything to make me feel shitty for ONE DAY!
he cleaned it up himself but was still moaning about how much there was to the point that I stormed off in a huff. Anyway a couple of hours later he went out and came back with 2 of our friends from the village and a few snacks to try and 'put me in a better mood' but it still felt like a half arse attempt and I ended up listening to the 3 of then talk about war all evening. We had a massive row that evening and not speaking now because he doesn't think he was in the wrong and hadn't apologized and even thinks I'm acting like some sort of entitled princess! All I wanted was maybe a cake and just to be shown a bit of love and care. He said he wanted wanted get me a gift but couldn't find anything he wanted to get me.
In his defense, he has taken on full night duties with out 20 month old and has been suffering from sleep deprivation which does make him a bit grumpy and short fused but I can't help but feel like it shouldn't be a green light to being an arse.

AIBU?

If you want a cake you should ask for one. It sounds like the two of you are appalling at communicating.

If clearing dog poo is your job and you haven’t been doing it then you don’t get a free pass because it’s your birthday. It wasn’t your birthday on the preceding days you hadn’t done it.

He didn’t need to go on about it once he’d mentioned it but you didn’t need to storm off. Were your kids witness to all this grumping and stropping? It sounds so needlessly miserable and exhausting.

You’re both at fault.

So he made home made card with the kids for you and tried to make it special? You do seem a bit of a diva tbh

"DH and DS 1 and 2 have all been ill the past few days"

"In his defense, he has taken on full night duties with out 20 month old and has been suffering from sleep deprivation which does make him a bit grumpy and short fused"

In an ideal world we'd all have perfect birthdays and our families would be able to mind-read what we'd like. However reading the above 2 sentences maybe give him some leeway here and arrange to all go out for the day when you are all fully recovered.

Dial back on the bigger expectations OP. With young kids, illness, fatigue, and life itself all get in the way of even the best plans/intentions. I really do think you’re being too hard on him. Order a lovely cake online next time. Nobody needs to be stressed out and under slept and baking birthday cakes. That’s not happy. That’s just an endurance test.

It seems like no one knew you wanted cake and no one thought of it. It may be that you make cake for everyone's birthday, and it's a lovely thing for you to do but it's what you decide to do.
Other people aren't the same so if you'd like things done how you'd like, then you'll have to manage it at least once til others know.
Don't set people up in a test they don't know about them complain when they fail.

Sorry, they've all been ill, but you expected him to bake you a cake and do the cleaning up which is your job on top of doing the renovations and being ill and doing the night wakings? And they still got you home-made cards?

Good lord, dial it down OP.

YABU

No the kids weren't there, they were indoors and we were outside.
I am really not that high maintenance, I was just a little disappointed and the dog poo moaning was the 'icing on the cake' pun not intended!

Why on earth would you even want a cake made by someone who is full of cold anyway?

He’s probably exasperated by the drama

I would expect a child to behave like this not a grown adult

Your birthday is only 1 day so clearly not a good reason to have not cleared up the dog poo for several days. I'm not really surprised your dh was a bit annoyed - he's been ill and now he's having to do your chores for you. And not collecting the dog poo for several days is pretty grim.

It was a couple of days worth, I would not let it build up for several days!

DP told me off on my birthday (just the other day) for using up his conditioner without replacing it. My jerk reaction was also to say "but it's my birthdayyyyyyyyy"... which is how it felt at the moment but of course he was in the right and I'd say the same regarding dog poos.

Cake thing reminds me of my parents, they get upset if certain rituals aren't followed and see it as a mark of disrespect. It was not fun to grow up this way so I purposely try to be relaxed about these things and focus on being in the moment with people I love. But it's hard when you feel disappointed on your birthday, even if you know it's not perfectly logical.

You ABU.
And with young DC dog poo in the garden should be pretty much picked up ASAP, not left for
a couple of days

It was my mums birthday this week and I was ill all week so didn’t make her a cake like I usually would and as her gift is something she needs to come with me to get then she hasn’t had that yet.
I promise that it had nothing at all to do with how much she is loved and everything to do with a chest infection which just won’t quit.
it sounds like your DH was the same as me. Life just gets in the way.

Why on earth do you not clean dog shit up daily? Revolting.

You do sound a bit precious about stuff, to be honest. Generally speaking, daily gripes that most couples have don't just get suspended because it happens to be someone's birthday. And I wouldn't expect a cake, homemade or otherwise, unless I was having an actual birthday party.

He is in the right about the dog poo thing I just hoped that for one day it didn't need to be mentioned 😒

I agree with what you are saying, I think it's because I bake everyone's bday cakes (out of choice) and make one every weekend and it would just have been nice for it to be reciprocated for once.

He didn't get you a gift though? Buried the lede(lead?) there!

If you have a good relationship don’t let birthday expectations ruin it. If you don’t have a good relationship you need to end it regardless.

It sounds like you would not have accepted a shop bought cake, he HAD to make a cake. Can he make cakes? Does he ever make cakes?

A couple of days of shit is beyond skanky. How could you sit out there with the stink. (not envy)

When they're ill?

I don't want a cake made by anyone when they're ill.

You both sound insufferable, honestly. He's been sick and caring for a toddler for several nights and you expected a homemade cake? Get the fuck out of here with that.