To be angry that DH was mean to me on my birthday

[Onlywantoneday]

So it was my birthday the other day. It started off good, DH organized home made cards from the kids which I got up to which was lovely, I was hoping to go out for the day but DH and DS 1 and 2 have all been ill the past few days so I didn't expect them to all come out while full of cold, we can do that another day.
I know this sounds childish but I didn't even get a homemade Cake! DH blamed me for forgetting to buy flour as we don't really do shop bought as most of them taste gack, and then later on in the afternoon while I was sitting out in the garden enjoying a bit of sunshine he came out and started manking and moaning that I hadn't picked up the dog poo for a couple of days! Now it is usually my job to do this as he is doing a lot of renovation work around the house etc etc which I am okay with, but I just thought on my bloody birthday he could of just not said anything to make me feel shitty for ONE DAY!
he cleaned it up himself but was still moaning about how much there was to the point that I stormed off in a huff. Anyway a couple of hours later he went out and came back with 2 of our friends from the village and a few snacks to try and 'put me in a better mood' but it still felt like a half arse attempt and I ended up listening to the 3 of then talk about war all evening. We had a massive row that evening and not speaking now because he doesn't think he was in the wrong and hadn't apologized and even thinks I'm acting like some sort of entitled princess! All I wanted was maybe a cake and just to be shown a bit of love and care. He said he wanted wanted get me a gift but couldn't find anything he wanted to get me.
In his defense, he has taken on full night duties with out 20 month old and has been suffering from sleep deprivation which does make him a bit grumpy and short fused but I can't help but feel like it shouldn't be a green light to being an arse.

AIBU?

You sound like a child to be honest. Dog poo being left around is gross. Birthday or not if you’ve got pets it’s something that needs doing. Everyone had been poorly and he had no sleep but a homemade cake was expected? It all seems quite full on to be fair. As you get older birthdays are like when we were young

We have dogs and a few days worth being left would be absolutely grim. There is no way you could sit around relaxing with it there. It’s a job that takes 2 mins at most

Yes, you’re being unreasonable. You’re a parent, you’ve got renovations going on and everyone’s been ill. You need to adjust your expectations. I wouldn’t expect anyone to be making me a homemade cake. He shouldn’t have gotten arsey about the dog poo, but yeh, as for the rest, unreasonable expectations. Hopefully you can celebrate your birthday properly when everyone’s well.

We aren't allowed to want a birthday cake now? So many men on every single thread just waiting to sling women under the bus. OK so no more birthday cake for anyone then unless they specifically ask for it? ffs

Unwell, renovation and night duties for a 20 month old. Isn’t in top form. It’s your Birthday I get that but doesn’t mean he should be taken advantage of, he’s done your ‘job’ while doing his own, something you haven’t done in days id be annoyed too and while you sat there and let him.

Id never expect a homemade cake this sounds very entitled.

sorry I can’t get past you were sat in the garden enjoying the sunshine with dog poo everywhere. I just couldn’t do that whether it’s my birthday or not.

Not only ask for it but also make it and then ask DH nicely to decorate it no less according to one PP.

perhaps women could also choose, order and wrap their own present before placing it gently in their DH’s languid hand and if he’s a keeper he might summon the interest and energy to give it back to them and maybe even feign interest in the content. If they ask him to, of course.

There’s a low bar in here sometimes.

I see it as more of a small holding rather than a garden in which case she wasn't sitting ankle high in shit, which some posters seem to be implying

Not RTFT. This is a reverse, right?

The poor husband doing what women do literally every day. Is it because your birthday is too close to Mother's Day and he just can't stand it? Maybe you could reschedule your birthday to say September to give him a break? How about that and then buy and wrap your own presents, order your own cake. Light the candle and sing happy birthday to yourself. Hess tired he's probably worn out from playing on his PS4 all night after doing a medium hard job. DO BETTER MEN

@TheodoreMortlock you nailed it absolute crazy town

Well yeah he should have made more effort to get you a gift and a cake. But having a birthday doesn’t exempt you from cleaning up dog poo. The dog still shits on your birthday.
I think it’s a gross overreaction on both your parts

i think some people just never bake cakes and see it as a big thing. It’s really not hard to make a Victoria sponge! I would be disappointed if I didn’t get a home made cake on my birthday. We always have home made cakes and would never buy them. However, I think you both could have communicated better. He should really have known you’d expect a cake and maybe offer to make one when he was feeling better, or you should have realised that he was too tired/ill to make one and said something along the lines of ‘don’t worry about cake on my birthday, you can make me one next weekend instead’. I don’t think there’s any excuse for not getting a present as he could easily have ordered something, or popped out to get a bunch of flowers or something to tide you over until he could think of a proper present.

U on d other hand sound rly grownup with ur txtspk, now put that phone away before you get detention.

He has had a year/12 months/52 weeks to get a present so no excuses
Adult birthdays, when you have kids, are not just about you, it's about showing the kids that each parent matters, learning that kids don't always receive but have to give too. A cake is a must, home made or bought just so the kids can sing to you and it feels special.
Couldn't he have moaned about the dog poo the next day.

Yabu about not picking up the poo. If it has been DH who didn't do it would the responses have been different.

YABU especially for using words like gack and manking ??

That's disgusting

I know this sounds childish but I didn't even get a homemade Cake!
I would assume that most people don’t get homemade cakes for their birthday.

Another vote for ‘Princess’.

@Onlywantoneday this has to be a wind up

Actually, noting he didn’t get you a gift at all, I rescind that.

Expecting a home made cake, nah, but expecting something is perfectly fair. Apologies for missing that.

I know I’m missing the point of the thread, but what’s wrong with getting a shop bought birthday cake when everyone has been unwell and sleep deprived? It sounds like OP’s husband would be criticised whatever he did!

Yeah, yeah - LTB, gets your ducks in a row. CAKEGATE

You're getting a ridiculously hard time OP. MN is so weird and competitive low-bar sometimes

I know how you feel - it's not the detail, it's ignoring the general principle that a person gets a 'special day' on their birthday. Especially the person who basically has responsibility for making everyone else feel special on their birthdays.

You don't have crazy expectations I don't think - you manage to do it for him (and the kids), he should at least try for you. Or at least say 'hey OP, I'm feeling under the weather and I know it's not ideal but could we celebrate your b-day next week when I'm better?'

Why it is Op's job to pick the shit and not others?