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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be angry that DH was mean to me on my birthday

298 replies

Onlywantoneday · 11/03/2024 14:32

So it was my birthday the other day. It started off good, DH organized home made cards from the kids which I got up to which was lovely, I was hoping to go out for the day but DH and DS 1 and 2 have all been ill the past few days so I didn't expect them to all come out while full of cold, we can do that another day.
I know this sounds childish but I didn't even get a homemade Cake! DH blamed me for forgetting to buy flour as we don't really do shop bought as most of them taste gack, and then later on in the afternoon while I was sitting out in the garden enjoying a bit of sunshine he came out and started manking and moaning that I hadn't picked up the dog poo for a couple of days! Now it is usually my job to do this as he is doing a lot of renovation work around the house etc etc which I am okay with, but I just thought on my bloody birthday he could of just not said anything to make me feel shitty for ONE DAY!
he cleaned it up himself but was still moaning about how much there was to the point that I stormed off in a huff. Anyway a couple of hours later he went out and came back with 2 of our friends from the village and a few snacks to try and 'put me in a better mood' but it still felt like a half arse attempt and I ended up listening to the 3 of then talk about war all evening. We had a massive row that evening and not speaking now because he doesn't think he was in the wrong and hadn't apologized and even thinks I'm acting like some sort of entitled princess! All I wanted was maybe a cake and just to be shown a bit of love and care. He said he wanted wanted get me a gift but couldn't find anything he wanted to get me.
In his defense, he has taken on full night duties with out 20 month old and has been suffering from sleep deprivation which does make him a bit grumpy and short fused but I can't help but feel like it shouldn't be a green light to being an arse.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Pancakefam · 11/03/2024 16:08

What? I think he sounds rubbish. Getting the kids to make cards isn't actually doing anything except putting out some crafts materials. Did he, personally, get you anything at all? Even if I was sick I would order a couple of things from the internet.

I really, really love shop bought birthday cake though

JadieC · 11/03/2024 16:39

Did he know you wanted a cake, my DH would never in a million years bake me a cake?

Did he get you a gift?

Is there normally dog shit around the place for a few days?

Thedogscollar · 11/03/2024 16:49

Come on OP he wasn't mean to you. He called you out for leaving two days worth of dog shit laying in your garden, where I presume your kids play.
You also said he's been sick with a cold but caring for your toddler overnight, yet you wanted him to bake you a cake.
Surely you can see YABVU.

Starspangledrodeopony · 11/03/2024 16:52

MiddleagedBeachbum · 11/03/2024 14:39

So he made home made card with the kids for you and tried to make it special? You do seem a bit of a diva tbh

She got no present, no cake, end he had a pop at her for not clearing up dog shit. How TF is she a diva?

Why do so many women on here have gutter-level expectations of men, and criticise other women who don’t?!

Princesspollyyy · 11/03/2024 16:55

I'm not sure how anyone can sit out in their garden and enjoy the sun with loads of dog poo everywhere 🤷🏻‍♀️

HelloMiss · 11/03/2024 17:01

FawnFrenchieMum · 11/03/2024 15:39

You do sound a bit princessy sorry. Your a grown adult not an 8 year old.

Only female in the house syndrome??

I'm a bit prone myself...

saveforthat · 11/03/2024 17:01

Onlywantoneday · 11/03/2024 15:03

It was a couple of days worth, I would not let it build up for several days!

I really can't understand people who leave dog poo in their garden for a couple of days! If ddog poos on the garden (which is rare), I would pick it up immediately and then you sat in the garden with the poo there and you have children who presumably play in the garden??!!. Sorry not the point of the thread I know but just why?

HelloMiss · 11/03/2024 17:04

I don't understand what ADHD has to do with it?

Is this why people don't pick up after the dog out on walks?

Onlywantoneday · 11/03/2024 17:10

saveforthat · 11/03/2024 17:01

I really can't understand people who leave dog poo in their garden for a couple of days! If ddog poos on the garden (which is rare), I would pick it up immediately and then you sat in the garden with the poo there and you have children who presumably play in the garden??!!. Sorry not the point of the thread I know but just why?

Sorry for drip feed, I'm a new mumsnetter, our garden is just under an acre and the poo is not right in our faces. By the way we live in Europe we're not rich lol.

OP posts:
JustBloodyWellSayNo · 11/03/2024 17:11

Cazpar · 11/03/2024 14:51

Sorry, they've all been ill, but you expected him to bake you a cake and do the cleaning up which is your job on top of doing the renovations and being ill and doing the night wakings? And they still got you home-made cards?

Good lord, dial it down OP.

Edited

This. You wanted a home-made cake?? You're not 6, for goodness sake

BotterMon · 11/03/2024 17:22

YABU and a Princess. Why on earth should he make you a cake? If it's your job to pick up the poop why hadn't you done it? You're an adult not 5 FGS.

OneHonestViewer · 11/03/2024 18:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

LeroyJenkinssss · 11/03/2024 18:08

first off - who on Earth leaves dog poo around? We’ve also got a small holding but I certainly don’t let my dog shit where he wants and then don’t clean it up! Do you have any livestock about? Because they really shouldn’t be eating that. your DH was absolutely right to mention it!

secondly, he’s tired he tried and you were snippy about minor things. You’re a grown adult, use your voice if you’d like specific things.

lifebeginsaftercoffee · 11/03/2024 18:23

Some of these responses are genuinely batshit to me - I don't think you sound like a princess at all. But then MN can be a bit weird about grown ups wanting any kind of fuss on their birthdays for some reason.

Yes, he got the kids to make some cards which is lovely, but he also didn't buy you a present, get you a cake or buy you a card himself. He might have been sick and working nights, but your birthday isn't exactly a surprise. He's had weeks (and months) to get you a present and think about sorting out a birthday cake - He could at least have popped in to the shops after work and picked up some flowers.

Honestly, I have friends who treat me better than this. Some people's standards are absolutely on the floor.

I do think YABU about the dog poo though!

Spudthespanner · 11/03/2024 18:44

I'm truly fascinated by how other people live their lives...

cansu · 11/03/2024 18:48

He should and could have got you a gift. It doesn't take masses of effort to order something online.

Deebee90 · 11/03/2024 18:48

You were being a princess. Shop baked cakes taste just as good. He’d been ill and so have the kids but you still got the homemade cards so made a fuss. As for the dog poo I’m not surprised he moaned. It’s frankly disgusting and stinks when it’s left for days. Pick up the crap and remove it.

Patrickiscrazy · 11/03/2024 18:57

I'm worn of giving thanks to those who said YABU.
😂
YABU, OP.
It's like something Chewbacca would say.

StarlightLime · 11/03/2024 19:00

Having a garden full of dogshit because it's someone else's job to clean it is so disgusting.
Do your children play out there?

HungryBeagle · 11/03/2024 19:05

It would be nice to get a gift/cake/some consideration for your birthday, yes. There’s a general idea on MN that adults shouldn’t expect anything for their birthday, but that sounds pretty joyless to me.
However.. he’s been ill. Your kids have been ill. He’s been doing the nights with your 20 month old despite being ill. I’d cut him some slack on this occasion.

Trulyme · 11/03/2024 19:21

Thedogscollar · 11/03/2024 16:49

Come on OP he wasn't mean to you. He called you out for leaving two days worth of dog shit laying in your garden, where I presume your kids play.
You also said he's been sick with a cold but caring for your toddler overnight, yet you wanted him to bake you a cake.
Surely you can see YABVU.

I completely agree.

I think you’re being very unfair.

It being your birthday doesn’t mean you get to act so entitled and rude.

Icantbedoingwithit · 11/03/2024 19:27

I agree. Diva, princess behaviour. You say you are health conscious but are sitting out in the sun surrounded by dog shit where your kids play.

Starspangledrodeopony · 11/03/2024 19:44

BotterMon · 11/03/2024 17:22

YABU and a Princess. Why on earth should he make you a cake? If it's your job to pick up the poop why hadn't you done it? You're an adult not 5 FGS.

Why the hell are people torn to shreds on here for expecting anything on their birthdays?

The OP got fuck all.

mrsbyers · 11/03/2024 19:47

He’s been ill and doing more than you in terms of childcare by the sounds of it - he could have reminded you about the poo and given you a chance to do it but sounds like he was just fed up with you

Spudthespanner · 11/03/2024 19:50

Why the hell are people torn to shreds on here for expecting anything on their birthdays?

The OP got fuck all.

If the OP had said it was her husbands birthday and she had helped her children make birthday cards for him despite them all being unwell, but that her husband was ungrateful that she hadn't baked a cake from scratch for him, had left dog shit all over the garden for days, and had left her (while sick mind) to deal with all the toddler's night wakings...

What do you think the responses would have been?

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