To desperately want to work part time but hate that I can’t

[HolyGuacamole28]

I have 2 DDs, 2 and 4. I’ve worked full time since both were 10 months, use a nursery. DH also works FT. I’m the breadwinner, earn alot more than H. I have to work full time to afford our lives. H is self employed and earns little. I’m burnt out, stressed, not performing at work and fed up. I do most of the early mornings and kid/house admin. I just work and then it’s kids (bedtimes are awful all round) no time for me. Can’t even find time for a hair cut. I’d love to work part time but it’s a fairy tale. Anyone been there to give me hope?

I get ya. I'm 57 and have always been the higher earner. More or less working full time throughout my children's lives. Be careful resentments don't build up.

If you’re FT and your DH is self employed why is he not doing the bulk of the early mornings/life admin? Are you sure you need to go part time or do you need your DH to step up and do his fair share? If he’s not earning much money is his job much more than a hobby? If so, he needs to get a proper job so at least you can pay for support. Who does the cooking and cleaning? Why can’t he look after the kids so you can pop out and get a haircut?

It sounds like your DH is going to have to bring in more money to allow this to happen. It seems your only option is to discuss this with him. He must be able to see that you’re getting burnt out.
I’ll never be able to work part time, single parent, been back full time since DD was 10 months. She’s 7 now and it will just never be an option for me.

Would your husband earn more if he got an employed role? Is that a possibility? Then you could work out what sort of shift of balance might work?

would you consider downsizing so you could drop some hours? How much give do you have coming when children start school?

Yep I hear you on the burn out. I'm a lone parent with a stressful job. I literally stumble through the week.

You have a partner though so it's time to talk about how he can do more.

Why is your H not stepping up?

I have no advice sorry. I was part time but now having to go FT and dreading it. I actually don’t know how I will cope with how shit life will get.

Clearly this is a DH problem. Why in gods name is he not getting up with the children and giving you a chance to rest? Why can’t he earn more money? It all seems very skewed

Is there anything you can swap out to reduce your hours at all? Annual holiday or downsize?

If your DH self employed business isn’t lucrative could he find another job or even additional employment.

Your DH should be helping with childcare and house admin regardless. Perhaps it’s time you sat down and worked out a plan together. What is he actually bringing to the table?

Do you get sick pay? Could you take some time out to reset yourself?

If your DH is self employed but not bringing in much it sounds like a hobby or start up? It might be worth opening a discussion about him going back to an employed role or taking on the admin stuff so you can get a better balance between you

I am part time

and i honestly cannot recommend it enough. It is 100% worth the pro rata reduction in salary. i love my job. but i also LOVE that i’m not there full time (3 days in 2 days off)

DH needs to be doing more. Not because he earns less but because he works less. Why can't he have them at the weekend so you can get your hair done?

DH works hard but it’s just not profitable. He also works some of the weekend. We have class activities for the kids at the weekend too and only I can drive, so I have to take them. I didn’t marry well, I know that but love my kids. It would be better if I could work less I think.

If it’s not profitable is his business a bit of a vanity project? Would he earn more swallowing his pride and working for someone else? Regardless, if you’re both working full time then household labour and childcare should be 50/50.

Going part time may not be an option if you're the main breadwinner. I think you should forget about that for now and focus on getting your DH to step up and pull his weight with the children, the house, general admin etc. He should be doing at least half... why isn't he?

Sounds like DH needs a different job.

If DH works hard but it isn't profitable, is his business viable in the longer term? Or should he at least be looking for a job?

There is nothing wrong with you being the higher earner but you can't do everything. He needs to do his fair share.

Your H needs to get a job. Working weekends and not making any money? Sod that!

Is your husband's job likely to get more profitable? Can he not be more flexible with hours if self-employed to share the burden of mornings or evenings?

If his job isn't profitable then he needs to work less and carry more of the childcare and house burden to stop you being burned out.

What needs to change is your husbands work. He can’t remain self employed, earning very little but working so many hours that nearly everything is falling to you.

Then you could look at reducing your hours.

You have the shitty end of all the sticks.

This is ridiculous. Why is he working for no profit? Would he be doing a job for a company where he doesn't get paid?
He needs to get a job if he's not successful at running his own business.

If he isnt profitable why doesnt he go pt or be a sahd

Use an annual leave day to get your hair done, ir go in the evening. You definitely need DH to step up here. Have you actually discussed it with him?

DH needs to get a job like Tesco delivery in the evening to bring more money to the table and do his share of housework

How does he justify he lack of contributions? Does he think it's ok because he's man?

self employed
works very hard
not profitable

what does he do op?