OH unhappy about new working hours

[Jenny6753]

My OH has 8yo twins from a previous relationship. We now have a baby and I’ll return to work 2 days a week when she’s 8 months. I will work 1 weekend a month and this falls on the weekends OH has the twins (he has them every other weekend) - he’s unhappy that he will work all week then look after 2 children and a baby on his own for the weekend. He does a lot of travelling during the week and his job can be intense. He spilt up with his ex when the twins were 18months and had them on his own at a “difficult age” they have of course become easier with age but he now has a really negative mindset of looking after children on his own (I actually feel like they will be helpful with the baby) they are amazing with her now at 4 months and as they got older they will become even more helpful. He wants me to look for another job saying there will be loads of opportunities out there where I won’t have to work a weekend but I don’t want to spend the rest of my maternity job hunting. Is it unreasonable for him to look after all 3 once a month?

Of course it isn't. He is being pathetic.

Of course it's not unreasonable to expect him to mind his children all at once.

That's the job of a parent.

However, the fact he split with his ex when his twins were so young might have been a hint that he wouldn't be great with the arrival of your little one too.

I say he's behaving true to form. History appears to be repeating itself. I'm surprised that you're surprised by his reaction.

Of course YANBU. You will have to work and look after your DC. The weekends are his time with his kids, he doesn't get to demand you make yourself available for childcare that he doesn't want to do.

I'd also be concerned that on the other 3 or 4 weekends of the month he will contribute absolutely nothing to looking after your joint DC. He will leave it all to you because 'he's been working all week' - meaning you'll be working 7 days (and probably nights) while he works 5 days and does nothing the rest of the time.

It's reasonable for him to do half the care for his older daughters - which is his responsibility not yours; what would he do if he were still single? It's also reasonable for him to do half the care for the baby once you are no longer on maternity leave.

He might be nervous about having the baby on his own if you've been doing most of the care while on mat leave, but he should be using this time to practice taking his full turn and asking for any help or info he needs from you to get fully up to speed before you go back to work. Can you do a trial run next time he has the girls - you go out for the day and leave the baby with him, but he can call you for advice if he runs into any serious issues he can't resolve?

Of course it's unreasonable for him to ask you to turn down a job you want because he's afraid to parent.

and as they got older they will become even more helpful.

His children are there to spend time with their dad not help childmind their half sibling. Apologies if I picked this up wrong but he shouldn’t be relying on his children to help with a new half sibling.

If he can’t look after his own children for one weekend a month he’s a lazy git. He chose to have children and he’s responsible for their care if the other parent is working or it’s his contact time. He needs to step up to the mark and parent/care for his children. What does he think single parents do? He needs a foot up the arse and a reality check imo

What does he think being a parent is?

He chose to have a third child- of course he can look after all 3 sometimes.

He thinks it's unreasonable to expect him to look after his own children for one day each month?

Does he have a disability that makes it difficult to care for them? Or is he just a shit dad?

So he is complaining that he will have to look after his twins for one weekend a month. Did he ever consider his Ex having to look after them alone since they were 18 months for the other 28 days at any point? No? Well, I am surprised (not).

Yes I did ignore your joint child above, she will be eight months and probably still napping a lot during the day.

Unfortunately you have procreated with a useless excuse for a father. There seems to be a lot of those.

Why can't be just change his weekends so it doesn't fall like that?

Another useless father

Let me find my tiny violin

And of course you will end up dancing to his tune!

How sad

For some reason, my instant reaction was to declare him a ‘pussybag’. Not sure where that came from.

OMG he has children and is then expected to look after them. Who knew???

He decided to have three children, he can parent three children, he can even do it without the 8 year olds coparenting for him.

If you work weekdays instead of that weekend, won’t that mean more child care expenses? Plus your youngest will need to spend more time in care and less time with a parent.

having family time is good, but many people want that kind of scheduling when children are young because it saves money.

So many men that split with partner and have to co-parent, get with a new partner next thing along comes a new baby too. Meaning in their eyes, now you-re all nested in and will naturally become the co-parent of his children together with their mother, his ex. Its women's work, right?🙄.

But you got with a man with young children so whatever the case they're also part of your family and you should really have seen all this coming. Threads on here show this is often the case and stepmums are complaining about his children, this and that. But at bottom its always really about a man who doesnt want to do any childcare and expects the new partner to do it. Hence resentment sets in.

I very much doubt that the twins will want to babysit once the novelty has worn off.

4 days a month he has his other child.

2 days a month he has to look after all three of his children alone.

He's not a man, he's another child.

YANBU. Does he expect you to look after his dds when he has them?

Frankly he is pathetic and you should tell him to grow up

Urgh, his twattery is the ultimate contraception.

If his job leaves him unable to fulfill his caring responsibilities at the weekend then perhaps he should look for a new job.

This.