OH unhappy about new working hours

[Jenny6753]

My OH has 8yo twins from a previous relationship. We now have a baby and I’ll return to work 2 days a week when she’s 8 months. I will work 1 weekend a month and this falls on the weekends OH has the twins (he has them every other weekend) - he’s unhappy that he will work all week then look after 2 children and a baby on his own for the weekend. He does a lot of travelling during the week and his job can be intense. He spilt up with his ex when the twins were 18months and had them on his own at a “difficult age” they have of course become easier with age but he now has a really negative mindset of looking after children on his own (I actually feel like they will be helpful with the baby) they are amazing with her now at 4 months and as they got older they will become even more helpful. He wants me to look for another job saying there will be loads of opportunities out there where I won’t have to work a weekend but I don’t want to spend the rest of my maternity job hunting. Is it unreasonable for him to look after all 3 once a month?

He’s being ridiculous and telling you that you can never do anything without the children in tow, two of whom are not even yours, albeit you’re a blended family.

OP, I know this isn't the point of your thread (YANBU by the way), but I'm concerned that you refer to him as OH rather than DH and you're planning to return to work part time.

Sorry, I know it's a Mumsnet cliche, but I have to point out that you're leaving yourself financially vulnerable. Are your savings separate? If so, he's benefiting from you financially (by not having to pay for full time childcare for his young DC) and if you're not married this won't be recognised if you split up. Could you either get married or return to work full time and split childcare costs fairly?

Dad expected to care for his three children. Gasp.

he’s unhappy that he will work all week then look after 2 children and a baby on his own for the weekend
he is unhappy you wont be doing the bulk of their care of his children with someone else.

He does a lot of travelling during the week and his job can be intense
i bet this is code for he does very little parenting in the week.

He spilt up with his ex when the twins were 18months and had them on his own at a “difficult age”
what about his ex who had twins alone at a difficult age for 12 days out of 14?!?!

You've married an arsehole.

I’m going to assume he won’t want any more kids!

I'd be looking to work even more weekends as he needs to practice clearly!

So he has to look after the 3 children he chose to have…🎻🎻🎻

Why the fuck didn't he get a vasectomy when he realised he is so incompetent? Why did you have a child with him when you realised? Tell him to grow the fuck up and get on with it but prepare to be a single parent so take on all the work you can to support your DC!

I would say : I love you very much and am happy in my job. They are your responsibility and you should be proud of how great they are with baby.

You will need to reschedule times with your ex to more suitable if you do not like the present schedule or vhange your job, but that should not be put on me.

I can have some sympathy with a person who has kids, especially twins, finds it harder than expected and struggles. But anyone with half a braincell wouldn't then have more kids to struggle with.

You need to keep working full time. His atttiude is… difficult, and when they have this attitude, a split happens very often and you’ll be left in the shit financially. Do not give up working full time. If you’re not married then get married.

Your job is not to help him look after his twins. Why does he only have them one weekend a month?

How does he think single parents manage if he's this helpless?

Please don't give in, he needs to step up ffs

Why doesn't he find a job with less travelling and stress so he's less tired at the end of the week - there's more reason for him to do it than you!
He can suck it up. Its going to be hard, but its one weekend a month, for the kids he chose to have.

He’s pathetic. I suspect that if you refuse to change jobs (please do), then he will switch the weekends he has the twins.

I’m presuming your oh never goes out when his twins are staying with you? Otherwise he hasn’t got a leg to stand on if he can justify you solo parenting the children for his social life/hobbies but can’t justify himself solo parenting for your job.

I would read back what you have written, it comes across that even you think he’s so useless as a parent that he needs the help of two yr olds to look after a baby. How does he think parents who have 3 children living with them all the time manage? That is some low bar for parenting!

Should say two 8 yr olds

Yet another man who wants his wife to sacrifice her career because he is incapable of looking after his own children.

Why doesn’t he look for a new job?

Oh very good point. Such a useless excuse for a father OP is actually factoring in he will be getting help from 8 Yr olds 😱😳

Get back to working full time, have finances separate, and keep one eye open for anymore ick inducing qualities. It won't be long.

This. Did you expect your boyfriend to change just for you OP.

Don’t you dare look for a new job OP!

I’ll bet any money he has no problem expecting you to look after all three.

What a useless cretin

His children are not your responsibility. Tell him to grow the fuck up and parent his children like a proper man.

I’m with the poster who said that you should return to work full time. Sorry to say it, but I was in a similar situation, and bowed to be DHs demands on working hours. (Low paid, unsocial hours around his career and childcare) and when he eventually left me with the children, I was in a financially vulnerable position (despite being married) and will never recover fully from it.