OH unhappy about new working hours

[Jenny6753]

My OH has 8yo twins from a previous relationship. We now have a baby and I’ll return to work 2 days a week when she’s 8 months. I will work 1 weekend a month and this falls on the weekends OH has the twins (he has them every other weekend) - he’s unhappy that he will work all week then look after 2 children and a baby on his own for the weekend. He does a lot of travelling during the week and his job can be intense. He spilt up with his ex when the twins were 18months and had them on his own at a “difficult age” they have of course become easier with age but he now has a really negative mindset of looking after children on his own (I actually feel like they will be helpful with the baby) they are amazing with her now at 4 months and as they got older they will become even more helpful. He wants me to look for another job saying there will be loads of opportunities out there where I won’t have to work a weekend but I don’t want to spend the rest of my maternity job hunting. Is it unreasonable for him to look after all 3 once a month?

I agree with the other posts, I'd be going back full time, not part time. If your partner has an intense job that requires travel, then I assume its also well paid. So you could afford the child care costs.
I would be wary to leave myself in a financially vulnerable position, with a man who's already left a partner and children because he couldn't cope with his parental responsibilities.

He's being a bit pathetic to be honest, but if he feels it is too much to have them all together, why can't he just ask his ex to swap the weekends he has the twins so he only has the baby on his own not with them too?

Can I just throw it out there that maybe OP wants to go part time to spend time with her child? I get the concerns people have but perhaps OP earns well enough that she can afford to drop to 2 days and actually wants to. I, for one, didn't have a child (at an older age) to rush back to work full time. Yes my other half will benefit from this as he'll pay less in childcare costs, but it's something I've chosen to do because I actually want to be around for my child and am fortunate that I can afford to work fewer days. OP isn't asking for comments about that.

Your DH should be perfectly capable of looking after his own children 1 day a month, FFS.

1 day per month.

Not surprised he was available for you to 'win' him if this is how he acts when it comes to looking after his own children!

Do not look for a new job.
he is being totally pathetic, could you ever picture yourself complaining about looking after your own children. No. We are all equal so he should not be any different.
tell him to get a grip

What attracted you to him? Surely it wasn't his great parenting skills? We have 3 kids and I work a Saturday. Dh works full time and has our kids on his own and shock horror manages to feed, clothe them, take them to birthday parties, shopping or swimming. He does so because he's a parent not a buffoon.

You didn't choose well.

Diddums.

My first thought was well if you separated wouldn't he have all 3 every other weekend??

YANBU

This. Honestly I don't understand how anyone can partner with such a person who can't deal with looking after their own children

Also please think about your pension contributions

Tell him to suck it up, buttercup. If he didn't want to have to look after his own children he should have had a vasectomy.

What an utter loser honestly. I bet your respect for him is eroded every time he says something like this.

Then he can get the OP to help him look after his other two children on the weekends he has them? Great idea (not)

Tough shit on him!!

How many other parents have to deal with this scenario? He's being a total dick!

Tell him to grow up.
He chose to make 3 babies, he needs to damn well get a grip and parent them.

Pathetic is the most appropriate label for him with regards to this. He genuinely wants you to find a new job because once a month he’ll have to look after three kids. Two of which are eight, so hardly problematic. I think my libido would just shrivel up and die at this point.

Can he change his weekends? They are his children,and its only once a month. If he didn't want them then he shouldn't be making them!!! Bit pathetic to moan, especially when he only sees his twins once a month!

There are more than four weeks in a month, February aside. In time surely it won't be the same weekend as he has the older children.

unhappy that he has to look after his kids. Ahem, it's called parenting. What did he expect?

What a prick. If he can’t cope with three children he shouldn’t have had three children. Doesn’t he know that many families have three children and yes often one person in sole charge at a time.

has he also considered that his ex has the twins most of the time alone? Poor women. Pathetic man!!

@Jenny6753

Can you imagine a mother saying she doesn’t want to look after her children on the weekend, as she has worked all week?
It sounds even more strange when you flip it around!

The best predictor of future behaviour is past relevant behaviour. What was the reason for the split with the mother of his twins at such a young age?

Why tf would she marry this man child ? I absolutely do not get your logic here at all

Yes he should be able to look after all 3 at once.

What does he normally do with the older kids when he has them? As the only excuse would be if their normal activities were incompatible with looking after a baby. Eg I wouldn’t want my baby having to spend hours in the freezing cold whilst they play football etc

If they just hang out around the house & park, then he should learn to manage.

Either way, presumably the only options should be to see if his ex will agree to changing the contact weekends or whether you can swap the weekend you work. Giving up your job is NOT an option.

You would be an utter mug to change your job to enable his inadequacy.

A parent being unhappy because they have to look after their own children by themselves?!?! When he had the baby with you he was fully aware he already had 2 children so why is he now surprised he has to look after them? Or was he hoping you’d be there to do it all!