To not want to look after all the cats without help when parents go on holiday?

[Umberbird]

My parents have got quite a few cats and want to go away abroad on holiday soon.

I’m very much an animal lover but due to a lot of mental health issues I do not feel that I’d be able to care for all of them without at least one other family member such as a sibling staying with me to help take care of them.

I’ve got no other extended family I’m in contact with, no friends due to my health, parents also don’t have friends, so literally no one else can help. Mother refuses to use pet sitters or catteries/kennels.

I also struggle massively with anxiety, which they don’t seem to have any regard for how this affects me. I know it sounds really stupid as an adult, but I’d feel completely anxious on my own trying to care for the animals.

I explained that it would be too much for me to cope with alone, and got called selfish and told I don’t want them to have a holiday which isn’t true.

I also told my mother that I hoped she wasn’t underhandedly planning to invite siblings and leave me home alone to care for them without any assistance.

Would I be unreasonable to just make myself completely unavailable if my parents expect to just drop the whole lot on only me, and exclude me from any of the holidays?

I realise I’m an adult and should be capable of life ect, but I do have care needs due to my health, and they are perfectly happy for one of my other siblings to join them on holiday, and not partake in any of these duties simply because this sibling ‘does not like animals.’ I do feel I get treated differently by them regarding a lot of things generally.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling annoyed about this, and like they shouldn’t have taken on so much responsibility to effectively drop on one other person because they are not willing to organise alternative care?

Would there also be any outside assistance I could access if made to do this? Or should I just say no and make myself scarce unless one of my siblings offers to stay and help too?

How much actual care do cats need?

Do you live with your parents or will you need to make a special trip there each day?

if you live with the cats then I think you are being unreasonable. If you have to adapt your schedule then you are not.

Say no, they shouldn’t have booked a holiday without sorting out animal care first.

Go on holiday yourself so you are unavailable.

DH looked after our 3 cats and a dog for 2 weeks on his own, it was a lot. I have promised not to do it again!

Which aspects of the cats' care are you most anxious about? Can you break it down for us so we can perhaps offer some suggestions? How many cats are there? Do they go outside? Is there a cat flap? Do they use litter trays? Will your parents leave all of the necessary food and treats, or will you need to buy them as you go? Are the cats insured? Do you know which vet they're registered with? Are there cat carriers available in case you need them?

cats are easier to house sit than dogs you feed them in the morning and afternoon, keep their dishes clean by washing them and if they use litter trays empty the trays spray with neutral spray wipe with cloth and dry them and refill with fresh litter i dont understand why you cant cope , if your parents leave plenty of supplies it shouldnt be too hard ,

YANBU to say no to a favour for any reason you like. Especially as your parents seem to have booked the holiday without checking you could help first.

However cats couldn't be more easy to look after (we have 3). Go in once a day, put fresh food and a load of biscuits down, and change the litter tray (if they have one). 10 minutes tops.

How many cats? Do you live with them? Do you work? Do your parents do things to help you? It's hard to know if you are being unreasonable without all the facts. But of course you can say no if you want to.

If you can't you can't. Tell them to make other arrangements.

Can you develop a cat allergy?

Well, they shouldn't be assuming. And you don't have to do it. Sounds like it would cause a blow up, so maybe a work trip or some kind of 'excuse' would be useful.

But as PPs say, they are pretty easy to look after. As long as you have emergency vet details/carriers (just in case), you can just do the essentials and make a fuss of them. I love cat sitting as I can just read a book and enjoy having the cats around!

Only extra complications are if they need daily tablets or are old/ill.

Do you live with your parents & the cats OP? For me that is an important factor. If you live with them then yeah, you’re being unreasonable, cats really don’t require very much “care” other than putting food down twice a day and filling a water bowl. I’d have thought if you already live in the house it’s an obvious one for you to do that, it doesn’t require an additional family member to travel and stay with you to do that.

If you don’t live with them then they should have definitely checked with you first, even then though I can’t imagine saying no if all my parents required me to do was spend 10 mins a day max putting food bowls down. So I think refusing just for the sake of it if you are actually available, even if you don’t live with them, is a bit silly.

I can understand that your parents wouldn’t want to shell out hundreds of £s on a cattery (together with the stress that causes cats), if there’s someone at home who can pour a few pouches a day into bowls and top up biscuits! Assume you live at home from your OP as you don’t mention travelling to house.

Are they inside or outside cats? How many? How long are your parents away?

Do they have litter trays? Scooping takes minutes. Emptying and washing trays only needs to be done once or twice a week.

If you are living at home as an adult, paying much lower rent than you would be in your own place, it’s rather unreasonable to refuse to help out like this.

Obviously your anxiety makes it feel a bigger deal than it is. You surely don’t need a sibling staying in the house to help with cat chores though. Can a sibling come over every few days to help empty litter trays instead?

(As you referred to your health ...Litter tray emptying can be back intensive ... Ditto lugging out wheely bins full of litter)

If you live in the same house, they aren't being unreasonable. If you don't, then that's different.

Assuming you live with them, you need to find a coping strategy to help you care for them - cats aren't anywhere near as needy as dogs.

Ask your Mum to write a checklist of things to do each day and make sure there's enough food a litter in the house to cover their time away.

Tick the list off when you've done them. Pat yourself on the back at the end of each day. Job done.

My cats just need feeding and the litter changed. It's takes a few minutes out of each day.
I think if you live with your parents you'd be being a bit mean to say no. Especially if they do stuff for you, like charging you less for rent/food/bills than it would cost if you lived somewhere else.
If you live somewhere else and feel unable to do it then they'll have to book a cat feeder to pop in each day.

Do you live there?

In the nicest way, how hard is it to look after cats? How many are there?

It sounds like you live there?

Do your parents provide practical support or care for you? If they do then I don't think you should begrudge them a holiday.

Could you have them break down the care you would be providing to the cats to put it into a list of manageable groups of tasks?

I don’t live with them no. They’ve always been somewhat overbearing/controlling which may even be where a lot of my mental health issues stem from, and they could keep expecting this kind of thing so that if I’ve ever got a chance of getting well and want to work, it would potentially jeopardise my job or halt me being able to have any kind of life of my own. I believe they partly know what they are doing.

@PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister these cats will pine after them hence the ‘lots of care.’ I personally don’t feel they should be going until they have passed which yeah, might seem selfish. But they took on the responsibility now wish to drop it on others. Annoys me.

@Creatureofhabit87 its more the fact that they took on this responsibility yet wish to drop it on me that irritates me. I’d look after one. Not 5.

@32 degrees think tbh I feel this way because they’re so keen to always control my life. Trying to always make it so I can’t get better. It’s not about begrudging them a holiday. But why equally should I do favours for people who routinely disrespect me? Equally whose caring for me whilst they are away, no friends I have give a toss about me. I’ve got none.

But what sort of care? What does this "pining" actually look like, and what do you need to do to mitigate it?

How long is their holiday? How many cats? Indoor or outdoor cats?

With the greatest respect you seem to be massively over thinking this task.