To not want to look after all the cats without help when parents go on holiday?

[Umberbird]

My parents have got quite a few cats and want to go away abroad on holiday soon.

I’m very much an animal lover but due to a lot of mental health issues I do not feel that I’d be able to care for all of them without at least one other family member such as a sibling staying with me to help take care of them.

I’ve got no other extended family I’m in contact with, no friends due to my health, parents also don’t have friends, so literally no one else can help. Mother refuses to use pet sitters or catteries/kennels.

I also struggle massively with anxiety, which they don’t seem to have any regard for how this affects me. I know it sounds really stupid as an adult, but I’d feel completely anxious on my own trying to care for the animals.

I explained that it would be too much for me to cope with alone, and got called selfish and told I don’t want them to have a holiday which isn’t true.

I also told my mother that I hoped she wasn’t underhandedly planning to invite siblings and leave me home alone to care for them without any assistance.

Would I be unreasonable to just make myself completely unavailable if my parents expect to just drop the whole lot on only me, and exclude me from any of the holidays?

I realise I’m an adult and should be capable of life ect, but I do have care needs due to my health, and they are perfectly happy for one of my other siblings to join them on holiday, and not partake in any of these duties simply because this sibling ‘does not like animals.’ I do feel I get treated differently by them regarding a lot of things generally.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling annoyed about this, and like they shouldn’t have taken on so much responsibility to effectively drop on one other person because they are not willing to organise alternative care?

Would there also be any outside assistance I could access if made to do this? Or should I just say no and make myself scarce unless one of my siblings offers to stay and help too?

All you really need to do is feed them @Umberbird and make sure they have access to fresh water and can get in and out.

They can't exactly complain about the service can they?

You are being pretty over dramatic. I have cats - I go away regularly, a friend feeds them or they go to the cattery - they require feeding at meal times and occasional litter box emptying (mine have access to the outside). And a cuddle now and then. They miss me, and i miss them, they do not pine (cats are pretty self-sufficient) and once I am home everything is fine. If you don’t want to do it, just say no!

@RandomMess Well tbh it wouldn’t really be a great loss anyway if they did stop speaking would it?

@Wimpeyspread I’ll be overly dramatic when I am completely fed up of my entire life being ruled by these people.

What, so if I get a job I’d have to potentially jeopardise it for people who caused a lot of my issues in the first place?

You are using your parents as an excuse to avoid adulting.

I think it would be freeing tbh!

You really think that cats are going to stop you from getting a job? At this point OP are you actively looking for ways and reasons to try and avoid getting a job? It certainly sounds like it.

@Lentilweaver Specifically how? These people have complete power to manipulate me entirely, they can be very, very nasty. I’ve even been physically assaulted.

Well stop letting them - run your own life

Would there also be any outside assistance I could access if made to do this?

What do you mean? There are obviously cat sitter services that you can pay for. Anyone can access those if they pay. But nobody can ‘make’ you look after the cats-this isn’t a kidnap situation.

@Wimpeyspread Which is exactly what I will be doing from now on, it’s my life and they can get out of it.

So stop talking to them. Your life is your own OP.

Excellent!

@SeaToSki Sometimes, yes.

If such is the case, you need to tell the police, go NC, and access some support so you can move on, get a job, get help. The cats are irrelevant. So maybe start a thread on what support is available?
Good luck.

@Deadringer I don’t live with them no. I also suspect they try it on with me like this to continue gaining control over my life.

@Lentilweaver Good idea. Obviously the cats have be looked after, I just feel angry with family for various reasons really.

If you're willing to "do it for the sake of the animals" then just do it. But doing it once doesn't mean doing it forever and therefore being unable to do a job. In fact if you did have a job that would be the perfect reason to be unable to do it again - you'd love to help but are too busy with work/socialising with colleagues/studying for a qualification/whatever. And it would give you something outside of your relationship with your family.

@Datafan55 They know I don’t work due to my illness and everything about me unfortunately. Only way I’d get around an excuse would be to sign up to a course (which I should be doing anyway as Uni got me nowhere! Mickey Mouse subject but that’s another story.) and say that we’ve got a trip organised. Although, they’d likely then say I’d enrolled in it on purpose to get out of their ask.

Remember OP, the cats needing to be looked after is NOT your problem, that is up to your parents to sort out. If they don't sort it out then they won't be able to go on holiday.

@Datafan55 Although realistically, the animals can’t be left to fend for themselves.

@takemeawayagain But as I’m likely family scapegoat, they would use this against me and I do realistically have to be careful, because I’ve got no one else.

I have. They survived. I went over once a day and put food and water down. They had outside access to use the bathroom. That was it.

@LittleBearPad As much as it wouldn’t be any great loss if I did, and it’s tempting I’ll tell you, I’d have literally no one else. Any so called ‘friends’ I’ve ever had or have also don’t give a shit about me, I’ve attracted a lot of abusive people due to being used to that treatment. Including 2 emotionally abusive ex boyfriends. Realistically, I don’t have anyone I could phone in an emergency if they were gone. Everyone else has their own lives and families, why would they be interested in me.

These cats are not your responsibility. There are plenty of people who do home visits as a job and feed pets/clear out litter trays. I would suggest this to your parents. If they are that bothered about not putting them in a cattery then they can put their hand in their pocket and pay a professional. Stick to your guns and say it is too much and you won’t do it.