To not want to look after all the cats without help when parents go on holiday?

[Umberbird]

My parents have got quite a few cats and want to go away abroad on holiday soon.

I’m very much an animal lover but due to a lot of mental health issues I do not feel that I’d be able to care for all of them without at least one other family member such as a sibling staying with me to help take care of them.

I’ve got no other extended family I’m in contact with, no friends due to my health, parents also don’t have friends, so literally no one else can help. Mother refuses to use pet sitters or catteries/kennels.

I also struggle massively with anxiety, which they don’t seem to have any regard for how this affects me. I know it sounds really stupid as an adult, but I’d feel completely anxious on my own trying to care for the animals.

I explained that it would be too much for me to cope with alone, and got called selfish and told I don’t want them to have a holiday which isn’t true.

I also told my mother that I hoped she wasn’t underhandedly planning to invite siblings and leave me home alone to care for them without any assistance.

Would I be unreasonable to just make myself completely unavailable if my parents expect to just drop the whole lot on only me, and exclude me from any of the holidays?

I realise I’m an adult and should be capable of life ect, but I do have care needs due to my health, and they are perfectly happy for one of my other siblings to join them on holiday, and not partake in any of these duties simply because this sibling ‘does not like animals.’ I do feel I get treated differently by them regarding a lot of things generally.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling annoyed about this, and like they shouldn’t have taken on so much responsibility to effectively drop on one other person because they are not willing to organise alternative care?

Would there also be any outside assistance I could access if made to do this? Or should I just say no and make myself scarce unless one of my siblings offers to stay and help too?

@PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister One cat is very very attached to them to the point it’s going to make the animal ill if she does leave. They don’t care, they’re selfish.

I think you’re catastrophizing because you feel left out.

@ohdamnitjanet This is what I entirely agree with. They shouldn’t really go until the animals are no longer here, cruel as that may sound, they wouldn’t have to wait long as most of them are getting on now age wise.

@EmilyTjP Well tbh, perhaps I am as frankly sick of their general selfishness anyway.

@wolfpa I don’t live with the cats.

5 cats and you don't live there, hell no.

Put in writing to them that you are not available and if they don't sort out something suitable you will report them to RSPCA.

Seriously OP it’s a few cats, anybody could manage that. All you need to do is feed and water them a few times a day and clean their litter trays out. They’re as low demanding as pets come.

@MaloneMeadow have you actually done that for 5 cats?

Plus given them the cuddles and fuss they are used to?

It's a lot, as an owner of 4 cats I wouldn't expect it if anyone.

@RandomMess Wouldn’t report them hell no they’re good owners, they love those animals to pieces. I just feel it’s a responsibility they should now own until the animals pass, and not just be able to drop when they feel like it. Having animals is a lifelong commitment just like having a child.

@MaloneMeadow Have you tried it?

@RandomMess I will do if they do that.

We’ve had 4 at the same time in the past and family members have been more than happy to help out with them when we’ve been away, never any issues. I can’t see that 5 would be any different.

Most cats won’t want cuddles or fuss from a stranger so I don’t think that this is something OP will be needing to do. Realistically they just need their basic needs met for a few days whilst the owners are away which I think practically anybody would be capable of, they’re not difficult or demanding animals to look after in the slightest.

@MaloneMeadow Its more about them taking responsibility for their own responsibility. Don’t care if this makes me selfish.

You sound very angry with your parents but you also say you will be left alone and who will look after you? Do you really want to alienate the only family you are still in contact with. If you believe they are controlling and overstep boundaries then by all means have a conversation with them but do not use their holiday and request to cat sit as revenge.

@MaloneMeadow And if I give in once they’ll take a yard then my life will never be my own. I believe they’re also using things like this as a means to prevent me having any kind of a life of my own.

@Kitkatcatflap At this point, I really couldn’t care less if I’m honest. People know nothing of my background or upbringing. As for revenge? Couldn’t care less about their holidays, or what they do.

You’ve clearly never grown up in a dysfunctional family. My childhood wasn’t very good whatsoever, they’re lucky I bother at all if I’m honest, let alone help them out when I’ve got enough issues of my own to deal with. I don’t have to justify why I feel like I do to anyone, I have my own reasons.

I’d probably even be better off on my own, to rebuild my life.

Why don’t you then? You sound incredibly resentful and are looking for ways to demonise your parents

Asking you to look after their cats is hardly the height of control

So your mother was right, you don't want them to go on holiday (for some reason). People with pets are allowed to go on holiday.

As you don't live with them, all you need to do is say that you are not available for looking after the cats. You are making quite a meal of it.

It'd be a no from me

They're responsible enough to book a holiday - they should be responsible enough to book care for their animals

Tell them they need to find another cat sitter 🤷🏼‍♀️ If it is too much for you then it is too much. Of course they have the right to go on holiday but equally they are not your pets it is their responsibility if you are not able to help to find something else. Repeat until they get the message. There are apps etc they can use to find someone like Cat in the Flat.

@FloweryFlump No to be honest. I’m too much of a people pleaser for people who don’t respect me, and I’ve reached my limit. I just don’t want to bother if I can get away with it. Don’t care if that makes me sound unreasonable or ‘angry.’ Despite my health I’m also done with being used for favours by people who don’t appreciate me. Regardless of whether it’s for family or friends.

@WeeOrcadian This is exactly what irritates me if I’m honest. Couldn’t give a flying XXXX if others don’t agree. They shouldn’t book stuff in that situation.

I understand why you might not want to look after the cats and it could be causing anxiety.

But I think it's quite unreasonable to expect them to not go on holiday until their cats die. And accusing them of shifting responsibility- it's what, a week? A week of feeding and watering some cats.

If you really don't want to, say that. And they'll have to get a cat sitter or neighbour. But pp is right, don't alienate them over this. It is such a minor issue and definitely not worth it as they're your only support network.

Just tell them no then. Why all the drama?

@MissTwinklePaws Who said anything about leaving them to die?