To not want to look after all the cats without help when parents go on holiday?

[Umberbird]

My parents have got quite a few cats and want to go away abroad on holiday soon.

I’m very much an animal lover but due to a lot of mental health issues I do not feel that I’d be able to care for all of them without at least one other family member such as a sibling staying with me to help take care of them.

I’ve got no other extended family I’m in contact with, no friends due to my health, parents also don’t have friends, so literally no one else can help. Mother refuses to use pet sitters or catteries/kennels.

I also struggle massively with anxiety, which they don’t seem to have any regard for how this affects me. I know it sounds really stupid as an adult, but I’d feel completely anxious on my own trying to care for the animals.

I explained that it would be too much for me to cope with alone, and got called selfish and told I don’t want them to have a holiday which isn’t true.

I also told my mother that I hoped she wasn’t underhandedly planning to invite siblings and leave me home alone to care for them without any assistance.

Would I be unreasonable to just make myself completely unavailable if my parents expect to just drop the whole lot on only me, and exclude me from any of the holidays?

I realise I’m an adult and should be capable of life ect, but I do have care needs due to my health, and they are perfectly happy for one of my other siblings to join them on holiday, and not partake in any of these duties simply because this sibling ‘does not like animals.’ I do feel I get treated differently by them regarding a lot of things generally.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling annoyed about this, and like they shouldn’t have taken on so much responsibility to effectively drop on one other person because they are not willing to organise alternative care?

Would there also be any outside assistance I could access if made to do this? Or should I just say no and make myself scarce unless one of my siblings offers to stay and help too?

@bravelittlesmile Maybe I’m also fed up of being used by people.

@RandomMess Could do which may force their hand in organising someone to help out as well. Wouldn’t want them starving and alone though. I’m not at all a cruel person if anything I prefer animals over most people in all honesty. Majority of people are just rude, uncaring and disrespectful.

This is all quite intense and dramatic.

@soupfiend If people don’t want to read the thread they haven’t got to.

You said you didn’t think your parents should go on holiday until the cats die.

@Isseywith3witchycats I see your point, however think they main issue here is I feel I’m being used. These people are controlling me too I feel. They don’t mind asking for favours, yet proceed to call me all the names under the sun.

It is because the OP is suffering with anxiety. Practise some empathy.

OP, as you don’t live with them, YANBU to decline looking after the cat. Send them a link to Rover (cat sitting, pet visiting etc).

I also think this is overly dramatic and about something else.

How many cats are you talking about, and what care fo they need other than feeding, litter trays, a bit of petting? How much time would it take and how many times per day are you anticipating going to the house, or are you expected to stay there?

You are not obliged to do anything you don’t want to - say no.

Frankly looking after cats does not sound too onerous unless there is something else at play.

Please investigate help and strategies to improve your resilience - this seems to be a bigger issue than cat-sitting.

@opentoadvice88 As I said to @soupfiend they really don’t have to read the thread if it bothers them so much. I’ll say what I have to say whether others like it or not. I’m not being a doormat for people anymore.

Also, if you want to be on your own, then say no, and be on your own and rebuilt your life. I still don't think they are being unreasonable to ask you, unless they are going on a round the world trip.

If you don't want to, don't.

I understand you have anxiety but you need to get a grip. Take the drugs, get the counselling, whatever.

The only person holding you back from having a life is you. Presumably you are an adult, start acting like one instead of a sulky teenager.

I think you sound very angry at the world and everyone in it and that is forming your thoughts on this. If you don't need any support from your parents going forward I would say no but if you do relationships are reciprocal and that means putting yourself out sometimes for others. You sound quite isolated already and I would ask myself if further isolation is something that would good for me.

There is very obviously a deeper issue going on here

@redalex261 I think they are getting me to do it in order to control me. It’s not even really about the cats I don’t think. I’m an animal lover-of course I’m not going to leave the cats to starve. I mean, how sick would that be? It’s more them I feel annoyed towards. They seem to want me when it’s convenient to do things for them, yet show me zero respect, take no real interest in me or my life, nor any encouragement to improve my prospects.

Cat sitter tell them to look on rover, not your responsibility

How old are you?

@MaloneMeadow There is indeed a deeper issue here. I am also not very happy with them and how they treat me. It seems I am only important to them when it’s convenient.

I think you need to separate your feelings regarding your parents , and the care of the cats .
You sound really angry towards your parents and this anger may be entirely justified , in which case it would be entirely reasonable to refuse on that basis.

Could you manage to care for 4 cats if a very dear friend needed this help? . If the answer is no then maybe you need support to manage your anxiety.

I have had cats ( spanning 42 years ), and six at one point and a family member called in daily when we were on holiday . We do likewise for them when they are away . Pet owners do take holidays too .

@Lentilweaver Old enough not to keep being used by them all the time only when it suits them.

It sounds like you have reached the end of the road with them and their controlling ways.

Time to take your stand, lay a boundary and say no?

So just say no to looking after the cats. It doesn’t need to be made into a massive issue

@Missmarplesknittingbuddy Oh it’s definitely not about the animals at all. It’s about them and their level of selfishness. No, having a holiday is not selfish. But, when you’ve got animals it’s like having children, you can’t just dump your kids/animals on others to swan off and do what you like. Kids and animals tie you down.

It’s ok not to take a commitment if it’s too much for you. OP’s parents could have asked but shouldn’t have assumed.
OP just tell them that you can’t do this and leave them to sorting it. Try to be calm and polite, better txt, and don’t put anything about their treatment of you however tempting, just tell them you can’t look after cats that week.
It doesn’t sound like you have good relationship anyway so it won’t change much.

In that case, if they were so awful, say no, go no contact, and live your life as you please, alone. I think that is the answer you want.

But given you have no friends either, please consider that maybe the problem may lie with you. i find that people who consider everyone else rude, uncaring and disrespectful often have stuff going on.

Even if you have anxiety, you need to find a way to manage it.